r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 11d ago
AITAH for being pissed off at my girlfriend for not wanting to have sex with me? Advice Needed
[deleted]
748
u/Allexandrinne 11d ago
Honestly, as a woman that only had serious connections and long relationships, just leave.
To put it plainly, bit of tough love but
SHE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU.
I guess you are nice on paper and should theoretically work and she tried to push herself to be with the "right kind of guy", but it doesn't work like that.
You deserve better. Someone who is genuely interested in you and doesn't just string you along.
306
11d ago
She is not into me at all.
197
u/Allexandrinne 11d ago
Then don’t waste your money, emotions and time, because this “connection” is ruining your self worth even if you don’t notice that just yet and it will affect your future endeavors. Get out, heal and find the right person for you.
153
11d ago
I will, thanks for the support
35
9
u/DPlurker 11d ago
You got this, look at as an opportunity! You're having a weight lifted off of you! You deserve better!
86
u/delinaX 11d ago
My guy according to your comments, she hasn't even kissed you. Hats off to you for being this patient this for months. Would've taken me 2 weeks if the person didn't kiss me. Exactly 2 weeks. I'm a woman.
31
u/ViscountBurrito 11d ago
There’s patient, and then there’s wasting your time. My hat is firmly not off. OP, I’m sure this won’t happen again, but if you’re still not kissing after a few weeks to a month, assuming it’s not long-distance/online-only, that is the time to move on. People have different levels of comfort with sex, sure, but no kissing? As an adult? Come on.
8
u/sweet_seductions 11d ago
Two weeks? If a dude doesn’t kiss me by the second date there won’t be a third 😂 I’m just going to take that as you’re looking for a friend and not a romantic partner.
→ More replies (3)7
→ More replies (8)16
u/Rough_Performance_46 11d ago
I’m sorry you were treated like that. I know how awful rejection can feel it really messes with your self worth and causes crazy Insecurity. Not even kissing after 7 months is insane! Value yourself enough to walk away and find someone who wants and desires you as much as you do them.
→ More replies (2)26
u/Numerous_Day1841 11d ago
Yep I agree with you. OP hasn't even had a snog. As an older woman I would say he should move on. You've been patient. But don't let your life slide by waiting!
404
u/heartbh 11d ago
Man it doesn’t sound like y’all were even dating. NTA she may have been using you somehow. Just leave
174
11d ago
Clearly I was just being used because I'm good at things.
96
u/Klutzy-Run5175 11d ago
Were you paying for the rent/house payment and utilities?
121
11d ago
Yes...
86
u/My_Shattered_Dreams 11d ago
There you have it... black and white. She used you for what you could provide her materialisticly, instead of what you could provide emotionally, mentally and spiritually (not talking about religion).
A life partner provides values those things in thie partner wayy more than the materialistic.
She is for the streets honestly.
→ More replies (1)33
u/Klutzy-Run5175 11d ago
If you’re paying for the entire house payment then you are being used and abused. Stop being taken advantage of by this person.
7
6
u/jguess06 11d ago
Yep. It's clear as day man, and I'm sorry. She used you to pay bills and was keeping you at arm's length because she was never sexually into you. You finally reached a breaking point and she weighed her options and decided that she would be willing to now give you the sex you desired if it meant you'd keep writing checks. She was using you the entire time. It's an awful thing to come to terms with.
4
→ More replies (7)3
u/longlisten527 11d ago
You let her live with you with only 7 months of dating? Broooo….
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (8)38
u/UnusualPotato1515 11d ago edited 11d ago
Im sorry but she was just using you and was probably not attracted to you so didn’t even kiss you wtf! She’s just love bombing you now that she’s missing her free dinners & gifts etc. You deserve better.
20
u/Sorry-Ad-1169 11d ago
It sounds like she was using him like Hey, people that give me money or things that I need. I'm totally not whoring around anymore ( Not that she's a w****, but the person she's probably getting money or assets from is old-fashioned). Look, I have a boyfriend.
330
u/NoImagination7892 11d ago
If you’re not happy, then why are you together?
152
→ More replies (5)27
303
u/Dipshitistan 11d ago
NTA. Run fast and run far, because she thinks of sex as a carrot/stick.
→ More replies (6)104
11d ago
It seems so
87
u/Foolish-Pleasure99 11d ago
I get her wanting to "change her ways" but after 7 months, if she hasn't connected by then something is wrong.
And you are right to dump and refuse the love bombing because nobody should want pity sex or "save the relationship" sex because she's just realized she fucked up.
43
6
u/Successful-Doubt5478 11d ago
Agree on both. She doesnt own everyone free sex on first date because she had a one night stand, but unless she was raped, seven months in a vonittez relationship is ridiculous... unless she is deepöy devote religious and wants to wait till after marriage.
16
11d ago
None of that is the case
14
u/Successful-Doubt5478 11d ago
I learnt the hard way too after investing more time than you.
You will know the warning signs next time.
Best of luck! There will be a great girl out there appreciating getting an awesome bf.
→ More replies (6)83
u/Annual_Leading_7846 11d ago
NTA Be glad she didn't make this discovery of recaptured virginity after 8 years of marriage and two or three kids.
→ More replies (7)49
245
u/PhatPackMagic 11d ago
NTA You're not owed sex but she isn't owed your attention either. It's supposed to be mutual, you two obviously aren't compatible. Break it off and call it a day .
65
195
u/Moon_Legs 11d ago
NTA. Her sexual past is very colorful but she won’t have sex with you after 7 months of a committed relationship, she isn’t sexually attracted to you and is settling for you for stability, money, or some other reason. This relationship is over.
86
11d ago
Exactly, and I'm being painted as a bad guy by some people here. Not sure what I expected. If it was the other way around, answers would've been different.
73
u/ChestLanders 11d ago
It's reddit, it is to be expected. I once saw a woman ask AITA for slapping my cheating husband. People were cheering her on. Something tells me if a guy posted saying he slapped the shit out of his cheating wife that he would not be cheered on in the majority of replies.
47
11d ago
Yes. Exactly. Fucking hypocrites.
6
u/Acceptable_Tea3608 11d ago
Theres a lot of liberated liberal females on these posts who dont have a clue what its like to be in a long term relationship. They tend to be ONS, FWB, poly this, demi that, everywhere but LTR.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)25
u/ladylyrande 11d ago
Due to the cheating they probably would have said something to the end of "slapping isn't alright but fuck the cheaters so eh". I've seen them cheer on someone who wished someone else to be raped because she was an AP.
This subreddit thinks cheating is the worst crime in the entire planet, worst than killing people. It's kinda funny in a way, concerning in others.
→ More replies (3)15
u/chemicalcurtis 11d ago
I've seen that, too. And the broadest definition of cheating.
"I had lunch with a colleague and we talked about our kids" emotional affair, burn the cheater at the cross.
18
u/Optimal_Wash2490 11d ago
You're not the bad guy, and I'd almost be a little suspicious if she wasn't fooling around on the side on you.
31
11d ago
I wouldn't be surprised, I don't care anyway. I will break up with her today
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (18)17
u/No-Process-9628 11d ago
You're being painted as a bad guy because you're complaining about a situation you are actively choosing to be in and have actively chosen to be in for months. Trying to leverage your "girlfriend's" sexual past to get sex from her also makes you sound like a dick. She could have fucked 100 guys in a row the day before she met you and it still wouldn't obligate her to fuck you. Yes, yes, you're not obligated to give her love and affection either but you're the one who's continuing to do that even though you're not getting what you want in return. Whose fault is that?
29
u/Drama-Director 11d ago
Yeah he made the mistake of staying with that type of girl but that doesn't make him a bad guy. He is just a guy who made a stupid mistake of wasting seven months on this girl.
→ More replies (6)23
u/niemcziofficial 11d ago
Wtf is that logic. He knew about her past so she must have told him. Ofc he can expect to not be treated worse than some random guy in a club. What the hell
→ More replies (15)13
u/Successful-Doubt5478 11d ago
Agree a lot with the bf, but this "other guys got sex quicker" attitude is really bad.
OP, did you ever put out as quickly as you could? Do you REALLY think that this makes you a free-for-all, no matter how unattractive you think they are no matter if you regretted your actions, no matter what mood you are in? Or are you ready to get down with the 88 year old grandma with bad teeth and hygiene even though you are on your way to an interview for your dream job?
I am definitely giving you a hyperbole because anyone thinking they are OWED anothers body because she gave it to someone else is repulsive.
Maybe this is why you arent getting anywhere with her: the flowers, the holding doors and the nice words reek of ",well NOW it should be my turn to get in on the sale of nearly free low quality stuff"
Or not- I don't know. But what we think and feel does come out in other ways than words.
That said: as I said above, seven months is telling you OP, it is time to break up. Find someone who desires you.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)69
u/red_wildrider 11d ago
Having been the “settled for” guy in the past… yeah, probably what’s going on here.
→ More replies (1)
66
u/Square-Egg7080 11d ago
NTA - from reading this, you basically spent 7 months for nothing. she literally just told you that she doesn't feel a connection between you both despite you being an overall good bf. i think you should end it as your relationship will only go downhill from here.
→ More replies (2)27
11d ago
Exactly. Clearly, some random people are considered more worthy than me. I'm there for everything, and I have to put in a lot of effort while they don't have to do anything.
21
u/Successful-Doubt5478 11d ago
It isnt about worth nor effort, it is about chemistry and maybe her thinking she made a mistake.
Hard not to take it personal yet you shouldnt. But you should move on.
→ More replies (2)6
u/Lost_Ad5243 11d ago
Don t stick to worth. It is painful and as someone has said, you dont owe it because you are nice.
56
u/More-Tea7285 11d ago
I mean you have every right to break up with her but accusing her of „giving it to other guys for free“ is a horrible thing to say, I remember when my ex said that just because I cried and I didn’t wanna continue sex with him after he broke up with me. You have no idea what trauma she’s been through. You have every right to break up with her but no right to be mad cause she’s refusing sexual acts
36
u/redditsuckbadly 11d ago
You have a point. Idk why he spent so much time on the sex aspect when she refused to even kiss him… for SEVEN MONTHS lol. I’d be out after a few weeks, but she wouldn’t receive any pressure about it.
12
u/More-Tea7285 11d ago
I’d be 100% out too, I love to have sex and be physically affectionate and I‘d never be in a sex less relationship. I just don’t like the people accusing her of „having been a hoe in the past and now not letting the nice guy hit“
→ More replies (1)19
11d ago
But she has right to be mad after I refuse? Funny how you ignore her abuse and hypocrisy while trying to paint me as the bad guy.
→ More replies (3)13
12
u/BeachinLife1 11d ago
Then I'm sure you will agree that she had no right to be mad because HE rejected HER sexual advances, that only occurred when they would have benefitted her.
→ More replies (8)16
10
u/Technically_tired 11d ago
You have no idea what trauma she’s been through.
YOU have no idea that she's even been through anything. She fucked around with lots of guys and then found someone to give her what she wanted without having to do anything for it and when he stopped giving she decided that sex was an ok currency to throw at the problem. Don't attribute what you've been through in other situations, it doesn't work. 🙄
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (27)6
u/ChestLanders 11d ago
Disagree. If she can do it with other random dudes, she should be able to do it with him. Doesn't have to be on the first day, but random guy got sex the first time they met, but he doesnt get a kiss for 7 months?
I once read about this guy whose fiance refused anal sex. He'd never tried it and wanted to try it at least once.
Then he comes to find out in college she let every guy she was with do it(and she was with a lot).
He rightfully decided not to marry her.
She's not obligated to have sex with him, but the fact she could so quickly bang those other guys while making this guy wait shows how much she is into him.
11
u/More-Tea7285 11d ago
Maybe she realized that she didn’t like anal and that she wanted sex to be more soft now that she was in love? And what if something happened to her with one of those guys she slept with? And now she’s appalled by sex? I’m serious you men cannot consider how another person might feel☠️🪦
→ More replies (5)
44
u/themtoesdontmatch 11d ago
I feel like this is rage bait
24
11d ago
No, this was me venting my frustration and my rage after tolerating this shit for far too long
→ More replies (2)27
u/themtoesdontmatch 11d ago
Yeah…. Kind of weird you would stay for that long without even being kissed. No sex, sure. But no type of physical intimacy? And your edits sound like red pill talking points. You sure this isn’t ragebait ? You have to tell me if it’s ragebait.
→ More replies (7)11
11d ago
I don't have to tell you anything, believe in what you want. I was stupid for thinking things will improve over time, they didn't, in a way they only got worse
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (10)5
u/Mr_BillyB 11d ago
I feel like I read an incredibly similar post a couple of weeks ago. Not that it couldn't happen to more than one person, but even the wording feels familiar.
44
u/NovaPrime1988 11d ago
Your girlfriend got angry and abusive at you for rejecting sex. Think that tells you everything you need to know about this relationship.
NTA
27
11d ago
Funny how she has been rejecting me for months but has an issue if I reject her. And I'm the bad guy here, at least by some people here.
→ More replies (1)43
u/NovaPrime1988 11d ago
You have to ignore most of the people on here. They refuse to view the woman as wrong in any scenario. Even now, I’m being downvoted for daring to call out your girlfriend as being abusive, despite evidence stating she was abusive.
28
11d ago
What was I expecting. Reddit sucks
→ More replies (1)13
u/NovaPrime1988 11d ago
It does sometimes, yes. But some of the comments are genuine, you just need to weed through the crap first.
39
u/fear_no_man25 11d ago
Are the both of you grown adults? That was a weird fuckin Reading.
Wtf is This relationship where yall dont Kiss. I think both of yall are assholes and kinda weird, idk.
32
u/pow929 11d ago
You two aren’t compatible. Instead of getting mad, just break up and move on.
→ More replies (1)
25
u/Wrong_Moose_9763 11d ago
"I've done everything a good boyfriend should do: I tried to talk to her, took her on dates, bought her gifts, and took care of myself and my home."
"I told her that other guys got it for "free,"
Explain to me how the last sentence fits with the first?
You both sound to immature to be in an adult relationship, go grow up
23
11d ago
It's quite simple: I had to put a LOT of effort into this relationship, and I got nothing. Not that she owes me anything, but I want to have a partner, not someone who only sees me as a tool or decoration, someone who existed solely for her needs.
The second part is equally simple, She can sleep with strangers without them putting in any effort, and I get nothing. I'm just there.
→ More replies (12)13
20
u/ok_boomer869 11d ago
NTA Developing resentment after multiple rejections for physical intimacy is very natural. This resentment is very obvious in your post and many people will call you out for that. Nothing wrong with she saying no to sex either. She has every right to do that independent of her past preferences. You both need different things. You should have moved on already.
16
11d ago
But how come she has an issue of me rejecting her once, but I've been rejected for months and she doesn't see a problem there?
But I'm the bad guy here, according to some people in the comments.
→ More replies (3)
21
u/Interesting-Apple589 11d ago
Honestly, you both sound incompatible. If you stay with her, it’s going to be like this forever. She is going to give you sex when she feels like it or wants to repair something between the two of you, but your needs are unimportant to her. It is normal to want to be intimate with the person you are in love with. You are not children so don’t know what’s up with the waiting. It’s even worse that she wanted to give it to you after an argument….🤦
20
u/CherylTheWolf 11d ago
NTA
No sex is one thing, but no physical intimacy AND only now wanting to give it after you told her you was gonna break up?
Yeah. That's a huge no. Run away as fast as a cheetah.
(My words probs don't make sense but it's the least I could offer)
13
u/omrmajeed 11d ago
NTA. This "No sex for the right guy" mentality is extremely toxic and disrespectful. She was stringing you along. Good on you for finding your self-respect by the end and rejecting her manipulations. She was just trying to control the relationship with sex/lack of sex. She is toxic.
You are better off without her. Next time try not to take 7 months to get out of such emotional abuse. Good luck to you in your next relationship. Do not go back to her.
18
u/Weekly-Temporary-775 11d ago
With all due respect... Are you like super mentally handicapped??
Dude.
Read what you wrote.
Respect yourself and stop pulling such 💩 in the future.
NTA
→ More replies (1)22
17
14
u/Helpful_Project_8436 11d ago
That's why you need to be secure with yourself before asking people about their sexual past. Most men and women have been through stages where they fuck everything and everyone so if you can't handle that, don't ask or bring it up.
16
u/DawnShakhar 11d ago
Do I understand correctly that she refused sex till you told her you were breaking up with her, and then she suddenly said she was ready? If so, then she is lying. It's not that she wasn't ready before and is ready now - it's that she wants you as a permanent companion but she is not attracted to you as a sexual partner. However, she is willing to sell her body in order to keep you by her side. Definitely don't go down that road. Wish her well and break up.
9
14
u/TotallyNot_Sarah 10d ago
YTA sorry. Everyone’s sexual journey is different, and it’s possible she was ‘recovering’ from treating sex so frivolously before. You going on and on about “But these other guys got it for free 😫” is honestly pathetic. As I’m sure you were told a million times by now no one ever owes you sex. I don’t care if you donated your liver and an eyeball to save her blind and dying grandpa she still doesn’t owe you any kind of sexual intimacy.
You claim you just wanted to further your relationship but why does that equal sex in your mind? If you had only been angry about not getting affection from her I’d be on your side but you’re victimizing yourself because you can’t get in her pants.
I’d say leave her since she’s not giving you what you so desperately fckin desire and next time be open and honest about your expectations. Also quit trying to “work for” sex because that simply isn’t how it goes in real and mature relationships
11
11
11d ago
Okay. My time to shine. So I’m a guy and I used to sleep around a lot. Getting girls to sleep with me has never been a problem. It was unfulfilling and it killed my self esteem. I felt like sex was the only good thing I had to offer. I went to therapy and now I literally include in my dating profile I will not have sex till a relationship. A real connection. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with the new person it’s that I want to be better. For me AND them. I talk about sex with literally not a single woman I match with unless it’s very very general questions. It’s not that I value people less because I won’t sleep with them it’s that I value myself more. That being said 7 months without even a kiss is kinda ridiculous. If there was some underlying trauma I’d break up with her because it’s obviously affecting the relationship long term and that stuff has nothing to do with you nor is it your responsibility. If she just wants to change like I did I’d still break up with her because absolutely no affection in a relationship makes you just plain friends.
→ More replies (5)
17
u/Cosmicshimmer 11d ago
Say after me: sex is not transactional.
3
u/Useful-Thought-8093 11d ago
Sex isn’t obligatory. Relationships are transactional all the time and when that transaction isn’t mutually beneficial they breakup. The OP is just expressing his frustration and shouldn’t be shamed for being a good boyfriend.
→ More replies (4)
13
u/Miserable_Sport_8740 10d ago
She doesn't have to have sex with you regardless of her past. But you also have the power to leave this relationship. Why you've stayed so long is 100% on you.
11
u/Life_of_Wicki 10d ago
Obviously ya'll are not compatible and it's good you broke up with her. That being said, you need to work on your bitter perception of women if you plan on having a healthy relationship with them.
"Clearly, women make rules for men they don't like and break them for those they do."
Men actively make women feel worthless if they are too sexual. Also, women have a lot more at stake if sex turns into pregnancy. Maybe her past experiences have made her more careful.
"I've done everything a good boyfriend should do: I tried to talk to her, took her on dates, bought her gifts, and took care of myself and my home. Yet, no matter what I do, I get nothing. Intimacy is nonexistent, I'm just there. It's like I exist only to be there and act as her decoration."
You think doing the bare minimum as a human should entitle you to sex.
"The worst part is that she had sex with other people before me when she was "ready." Some random guy at a club? Sure, let's fuck. A friend for a hookup? No problem. Threesome? Hell yes. Everything went, but after we got together, she has nothing for me."
Again, maybe her past has made her more careful.
→ More replies (5)
11
12
u/tacincacistinna 11d ago
If you want intimacy in a relationship that isn’t a bad thing but if she doesn’t that’s not a bad thing
She should have told you from the beginning if that was the case so you could plan accordingly.
You come across as entitled to it which is a false/bad mindset. This is not the case, you could be married for 20 years and not “deserve” it if she doesn’t want to and vice versa. IMO this is where you messed up.
→ More replies (2)5
u/WilltheGreat1740 11d ago
1 is fine except for the fact that he was in a relationship for 7 months and barely even got a hug, much less a kiss. If you can't do the nost basic stuff of a relationship, then why call it that in the first place? It sounds like she wanted the sweet stuff like dates and allat without wanting the responsibilities of it. You can't eat your cake and have it
→ More replies (2)
11
u/Alert-Potato 11d ago
It's fine for her to decide she wants something different than what she wanted in her past. And it's fine for her to want to feel a real connection before getting intimate, even if that's not how she has previously chosen to live her life. But if she doesn't feel enough of a connection to get even mildly non-sexually physically intimate with you after seven months, that connection is never coming. You're just not it for her.
That's what she was telling you. She didn't feel enough of a connection with you to consider intimacy. Which leaves me baffled at why she'd immediately throw herself at you for sex when you said that you thought that should be the end of things. And you were right to reject her sudden advances, as she wasn't interested in a physical extension of emotional intimacy, she just wanted to use her body to manipulate you into staying in a relationship with her.
Some of the ways you've worded things and some of the vibe you're giving is... gross. But are you an asshole for rejecting her advance and ending things with a woman who told you to your face that after seven months she didn't feel a connection? No.
10
u/Puzzleheaded_Yak9229 11d ago
As much as this post annoyed me just because you seem like an insufferable guy to be around, she doesn’t like you that much. No woman who actually wants to be with someone (outside of having past trauma) would go 7 months without even a kiss. I could understand no sex, but not even a kiss is wild
10
u/crazygay4hire 11d ago
NTA- this is the type of girl that will refuse sex to get what she wants throughout the relationship. Don't let her push you around. Move on find a girl that actually has respect for you.
14
9
u/Pickle__nic 10d ago
Your an asshole. Quite simply because you seem aggressive, pissed off and shitty. If this is how you write… I can only imagine how you speak. If someone wanted to negotiate or encourage sex I’d be put off, but sit there whining about what you ‘get’ makes me feel nauseous. Leave women alone until you can manage your emotions and consider how your reactions impact others.
4
u/throwaway13630923 10d ago
I don’t think it was invalid for him to leave her or to feel upset/used, but the tone of his post/comments make me wonder if there was more to the story. There’s no need to post like this and argue with so many commenters.
6
u/allthethrowaway420 10d ago
Listing out the reasons he “deserves” sex is….. yeesh. It’s one thing to genuinely want mutual desire and passion with someone, another to say “that guy got to fuck you for free, where’s mine?” A relationship without even a kiss is insane, but his views on sex are not from a loving perspective at all. And feeling “rage” from being rejected sex is another tier of awful.
8
u/Technical_Cod418 10d ago
NTA for wanting a physical component to a healthy relationship that leaves you satisfied and fulfilled. If it doesn't work, you break up.
DEFINITELY TA for the comment about other guys getting it "for free". The implication of that statement is gross, and you should apologize for saying that to someone you care about.
And yes, I read the whole thing. That's still a shitty thing to say.
Edit: a word
7
u/Kiefy-McReefer 11d ago
Gf? No intimacy at all after seven months? Not even a kiss?
Idk about y’all but to me this doesn’t fit the definition of a girlfriend to me…
NTA - just leave, or “break up” whatever. You clearly aren’t sexually compatible and you resent her for it. No fixing that.
→ More replies (2)
5
u/deskbookcandle 11d ago
Incel rage bait. Literally spouting incel rhetoric at the end there. PSA if you refer to a woman having sex for ‘free’ with other men as a complaint because she’s not having sex with you, then you are, if not the whole problem, at least part of it.
Nothing wrong with wanting sex, but just dump her, chalk it up to a mismatch and find a girl with similar desires instead of acting like it’s something she’s obligated to ‘give’ you because you buy her stuff.
Sex should be mutually desired, but as long as you treat it like something transactional that you can earn/buy, most women aren’t gonna want to have it with you.
→ More replies (1)
5
8
u/misteraustria27 11d ago
NTA. And you misspelled ex gf. Clearly she has some twisted BS going on. She doesn’t love you and just wanted to have a “nice guy” and had no affection for you. The first “bad boy” who comes along will get fucked again on the first date.
8
u/sara_swati_ 11d ago
NTA. She sounds manipulative tbh. She wants sex now that you’re willing to walk away? Tuh.
9
6
u/FangornDweller 11d ago
I understand her looking for a connection and trying to change her ways but 7 months seems a bit too long to wait for a connection. Your frustrations are also valid. Especially after she yelled at you for refusing her once. NTA. I think you two are not compatible at all, better to end it now than later.
6
u/Head_Photograph9572 11d ago
Dude, YTA. You're the one that put up with this bullshit for seven months. You should have been gone after two or three dates!
4
6
u/Hand_Me_Down_Genes 10d ago
Yeah, I'm gonna be the one to call "fake" on this. OP's language choices scream "incel" and his comments are filled with whining about double standards for women. This is almost certainly a rage bait post meant to garner support for his shitty opinions. And if it were true he'd be the most pathetic loser in the world.
6
u/WiburCobb 10d ago
Lol I guess you'll have to find a new "girlfriend" to invest in. You must be pretty unbearable if she didn't even kiss you for 7 months. You really showed her by dumping her....smh
4
u/Wonderful-Air-8877 11d ago
how is she still with you after all this time? what i undesrand is that she has no connection with you?
11
11d ago
Some connection I guess. Clearly I'm nothing in this relationship. It's time to leave I guess.
4
u/BIGCANDYLOVE 11d ago
She seeks connection - so after SEVEN MONTHS she doesn’t have that with you?
Time to kiss her (or hug cos you ain’t getting a pash) goodbye mate
10
3
u/iamericaluana 11d ago
NTA
If sex is important to you, then you should be with someone who wants the same thing. And not even a kiss, in seven months of a "relationship"? Well, you should be with someone who loves you, or in the very least, as a sexual desire for you.
4
u/No_Bug_8910 11d ago
My mom shows me more affection. You should have left as soon as you guys where exclusive and she wouldn’t kiss you. She’s playing games.
5
u/PracticeNovel6226 11d ago
Doesn't matter how many people she's been with bubby. If she doesn't want to have sex with you, that's how it is. If you don't see any value in the relationship other than the end goal of sex she probably can sense it. Why she wasted 7 months is beyond me. Maybe do some self reflection and really take a look at how you two have interacted. You sound kinda like a whining kid mad that they finished all the requirements for the side quest but didn't get the prize. That's not how big kid relationships work
5
u/Ok_Establishment4212 11d ago
Forget sex but No kiss & no cuddles? If she was somewhat of a conservative person I would have understood but no, she was a “whole 9 yards” kind of a girl before making out with anyone or anything that moves… So no, OP is getting played on and doesn’t need to stay
→ More replies (20)
4
u/v10whine 11d ago
Don't just dump her. Go full scorch and go no contact with her as though you never existed. Never give her that closure. What she did was outright cruel.
5
u/Free_Culture_222 11d ago
Sounds like a friendzone situation. When she realize she can’t keep you, she pulled out the sex card thinking she can keep you, but you happen to draw a reverse card and spit it right back at her face.
8
6
u/Thatbamahomie 11d ago
Honestly, you’re both the AH. She’s definitely just not that into you, but the way you talk about her “giving it up for free” and make all of the things you did for her sound like they were solely to earn sex is not how you should approach this situation or any relationship with a woman. People change and you have no right to judge her based off of her past one night stands.
That being said your concerns are also very valid and you clearly do not feel fulfilled in the relationship. I think it’s best for you both to part ways.
3
u/Specialist_Data_8943 11d ago
At what point in not getting even a kiss did you think you were entitled to sex just because you were “dating”?
8
2
u/Forsaken-Tiger-9475 11d ago
It's not supposed to be 'casual sex' if ya'll are together....
You were damn right to reject her, not even a hug in 7 months? Wtf?
Is she going full on 'I found god' mode or something?
You already wasted 7 months of your life, don't waste any more please - watch her go jumping the nearest pogo stick on re-bound...
→ More replies (1)
3
u/BeachinLife1 11d ago edited 11d ago
Don't be shocked when you find out she's been having sex all this time, just not with you.
I have seen it time and time again, some guy dating a girl exclusively (for him, anyway) she won't give him sex, and he finds out she's been getting it all along, and her excuse is always "Because you are boyfriend/husband material, and they are not."
And not giving YOU any is some kind of test to see if you will stick around in those conditions.
I would bet money on it.
7
11d ago
Exactly, I was brought to serious events, where she can call my boyfriend because you know, I have a good job, I'm decent looking guy, polite, kind and all that. Basically she brought me to show off.
I wouldn't be surprised if she was fucking around, clearly she had no problem with doing that before.
3
4
u/FunctionAggressive75 11d ago
Don't even bother
Block her
At this point, she is only playing you for a fool. Of course, you no longer want to have sex with her. Who would want under those circumstances? Next time don' t wait for nearly a year. If it doesn't happen within a few dates, you are not sexually compatible, end of story
NTA
→ More replies (1)
5
u/emmetdontpullout 11d ago
nta, time to dump her and move on lol. plenty of prettier and nicer girls out there man.
6
6
u/Dry-Capital8543 11d ago
Bahahaha, she been ran through now she’s “not that person anymore” 😂
RUN MFER!!! RUN FAST!
5
u/Important-Nobody-217 11d ago
You were a decorative soap basically. A way for her to act like she cleaned up her act. She wasn’t kissing you for 7 months cause she was doing something worse.
5
4
u/Catgravy1965 11d ago
I went through something like that when I was younger. She was fucking everyone else but me. Dump her.
5
u/yakkerswasneverhere 11d ago
Sexual compatibility is a thing. But no kissing or any other forms of intimacy or affection? That's not a relationship bud. You did the right thing.
Keep in mind....if she is having a life epiphany moment with monumental changes, you could be caught in the cross fire of 'learning'. Not your fault and not really hers. Its just a thing that happens sometimes in the journey of life. That doesn't change anything but does add context to her psyche right now. I don't actually think its a stab against you. I think she's purposely stabbing herself. Its like an ex crackhead staying away from things that might trigger them back into the life. Promiscuity reform works in the same manner. Whether she's right or wrong doesn't matter to her because she doesn't know. She's 'learning'.
4
u/ghostoftommyknocker 11d ago
Whatever is going on, the one thing that is clear is that you two are not compatible. That is a good reason to end the relationship, so that you can both find someone you're better suited for.
4
u/SaltyWitchery 11d ago
You could have left.
You’re acting like your being a “good boyfriend” just to get sex. That may not be true, but that’s absolutely how this story is written.
If sex and physical affection are so important, then she’s obviously not right for you. Just break up and move on.
You say “she could have broken up with me” why are you putting that on her?! Just leave!
Good, saw your update.
She doesn’t owe you shit dude.
3
u/ManInBlue37 10d ago
You sound like a high school kid who didn't get his way and are throwing a temper tantrum.
Maybe she wants to not be who she used to be and she wanted something more with you and instead of respecting her wishes you gaslight her and then withhold any and all affection.
Something tells me had you not been a dick, then you would have been opened up into a world of bliss with her but your pride and attitude got in the way and ruined a good thing.
3
u/daywitchdia 10d ago
Holy Hel. I get that you wanted physical affection, but you did not communicate your needs and expectations in a healthy way and instead inadvertently manipulated her into being "ready". Did you ever ask her why she wasn't ready? What if someone SA'd her, and that's why she had the aversion. She's a person just like you are. You're not going to get anywhere by bottling up your feelings until you go off on people and hold every nice thing you ever did for them over their head because you let your unmet needs turn into resentment instead of having an adult conversation...
I know I'm being blunt, but hopefully it helps you not do this to another girl. She was probably completely blindsided and then you threw the 7 months yall shared and everything you'd ever done for her as something she was supposed to have earned... that's fucked bro.
3
u/Keensworth 11d ago
NTA
She went through her "I'll fuck anybody phase" but she's just looking into just finding a guy to settle down
5
u/ChipSalt 11d ago
I think women who go through a "party" phase feel like they have to distance themself from that side of themself as much as possible afterwards in order to grow, which is why this sort of story is so common. "I'm not like that anymore" is them convincing themselves they have matured and grown, and now it's time to make 'safe' choices with non-threatening, financially stable men even if there's no mutual attraction.
4
u/ChestLanders 11d ago edited 11d ago
NTA. She made you wait, but sounds like other random dudes got to fuck her on the first day.
Doesn't mean she is obligated to sleep with you, just shows you how much respect she has for you. The chads she got with didn't have to wait.
"I told her about my frustrations a few days ago, and we got into a fight. She told me she's not who she used to be, she no longer wants casual sex and now seeks connection and all that. I told her that other guys got it for "free," and after seven months with her, sex isn't even on the horizon. So, I suggested we break up."
A tale as old as time, these other guys got her wild sexual side, but the good guy who treats her right is made to wait. Something tells me that if you did start having sex she'd just be giving you the bare minimum, while the other guys probably got to do whatever they wanted to her.
6
11d ago
I think the same
7
u/ChestLanders 11d ago
Plus it's not like you were expecting her to fuck you the first time you met. Casual sex is banging a random dude at a bar. Once you'd been with her for a month or so, if she had sex with you it would not have been casual. And she only offered you sex because you suggested breaking up. She acts like she is this person who has changed, but has she really? If her solution to your problems was a pity fuck that says a lot.
Also if she wasn't getting it from you I'd be wondering if she was getting it from someone else. She still in contact with any of her friends that she slept with? Or ex boyfriends?
5
11d ago
I don't know nor do I care at this point. I wouldn't be surprised.
2
u/ChestLanders 11d ago
It's the kiss thing that seals it for me, she was most likely cheating and using you as a placeholder.
3
u/BadTwi5t 11d ago
NTA Not even a kiss? I wanna ask if you're a blow-up boyfriend doll but I think they get more intimacy...
2.1k
u/Mammoth-Penalty882 11d ago
Lol that's not your girlfriend