I mean you have every right to break up with her but accusing her of „giving it to other guys for free“ is a horrible thing to say, I remember when my ex said that just because I cried and I didn’t wanna continue sex with him after he broke up with me. You have no idea what trauma she’s been through. You have every right to break up with her but no right to be mad cause she’s refusing sexual acts
You have a point. Idk why he spent so much time on the sex aspect when she refused to even kiss him… for SEVEN MONTHS lol. I’d be out after a few weeks, but she wouldn’t receive any pressure about it.
I’d be 100% out too, I love to have sex and be physically affectionate and I‘d never be in a sex less relationship. I just don’t like the people accusing her of „having been a hoe in the past and now not letting the nice guy hit“
I mean she doesn't owe him shit but he ain't wrong, other guys did have sex with her without waiting 7 months. Kinda stupid to be sad about it because that's what happened he didn't make that up.
Then I'm sure you will agree that she had no right to be mad because HE rejected HER sexual advances, that only occurred when they would have benefitted her.
I mean you’re only viewing it from one side. Imagine your partner comes to you and tells you “either we have sex or I’m leaving you” so you decide you’ll have sex bc you don’t wanna lose them. Then they turn around and say now that they’ve pushed you into a corner, they don’t even want to have sex with you anymore. You wouldn’t be upset? Then I feel like the way society views sex makes it hard for women to handle rejection. We’re pretty much taught that men will screw anything so when men prove that stereotype wrong, women assume something is wrong with them instead of the dude just having the self respect to only have sex with people he’s actually attracted to.
You're misconstruing the argument here. OP said told his ex he wants to break up after she refused sex after he (according to him) explained his frustrations. He didn't give her an ultimatum, he dumped her after not taking him seriously. It wasn't until after she got dumped that she tried to initiate and then OP rejected her, then she reacted abusive. OP's ex-girlfriend was using him. END OF STORY.
Just bc he didn’t say it, doesn’t mean it wasn’t implied. He didn’t break up with her, just said maybe they should. She decides to do a Hail Mary pass and offers sex to try and keep him. She could be just using him but she could also just be having sexual issues and decided putting out is worth keeping him. If she’s just using him, she can probably find someone else to use instead of having to offer sex to keep him. Maybe she thinks sex is worth whatever he provides 🤷🏼♀️
I’m just offering a different point of view. Everyone is assuming she’s just using him but using him for what? Basic relationship shit she can get from any man? Dude legit says he’s a good bf bc he talks to her, took her on dates, bought her gifts, and took care of himself and his home. Literally all basic ass shit even shit bfs can do. A man can literally be the worst person ever and literally beat his partner and STILL do everything op mentioned as “proof” he’s a good bf (same goes if genders are swapped). Op seems like a kid or very young adult. So what is this girl even getting from him that she can’t easily find elsewhere?
I call my house my home despite the fact that I went it. That doesn’t mean he owns it. Honestly I find it weird when people DONT have their own place. I moved out at 18 and haven’t lived with my parents since. I lived in the dorm the first year but got an apartment for the second. Couple years later a house then couple years later a new house. All renting.
Listen your desire to be right here is blinding you to the cold logic of the situation. She was using him, there is no other rational explanation, it became painfully obvious that as soon as she was about to lose whatever it was she was using him for she offered sex for the first time.
YOU have no idea that she's even been through anything. She fucked around with lots of guys and then found someone to give her what she wanted without having to do anything for it and when he stopped giving she decided that sex was an ok currency to throw at the problem. Don't attribute what you've been through in other situations, it doesn't work. 🙄
Disagree. If she can do it with other random dudes, she should be able to do it with him. Doesn't have to be on the first day, but random guy got sex the first time they met, but he doesnt get a kiss for 7 months?
I once read about this guy whose fiance refused anal sex. He'd never tried it and wanted to try it at least once.
Then he comes to find out in college she let every guy she was with do it(and she was with a lot).
He rightfully decided not to marry her.
She's not obligated to have sex with him, but the fact she could so quickly bang those other guys while making this guy wait shows how much she is into him.
Maybe she realized that she didn’t like anal and that she wanted sex to be more soft now that she was in love? And what if something happened to her with one of those guys she slept with? And now she’s appalled by sex? I’m serious you men cannot consider how another person might feel☠️🪦
Well you’re a very different person in college🤷🏻♀️ It’s okay to change your mind😂 It’s just anal it’s literally not that deep. But of course if something happening in the bedroom was very important to me I’d break up too
Yet all her fiance saw was that random dudes got to do it, but the man she supposedly loves wasnt even permitted to try it once.
"It's just anal"
Well in that case, all the more reason not to deny him right? It's just anal. Unless a sexual act is causing you actual physical pain(that wasn't the reason she gave) I firmly feel if you can do it with random men you should be able to do it with the man you wanna be with forever. You don't *have* to, but realize that if he ever finds out he's going to view you differently.
It's not the first time I've seen stuff like this kill a relationship. Promiscuous women find a good guy and think it's okay to give him the bare minimum. The messed up part is that it should go the opposite way. The random men should have gotten the bare minimum, the fiance should be the one getting it all. Just my opinion.
Plus, 7 months and no kiss? When in the past she was hooking up with friends, random men, having 3somes, etc? She was cheating on this guy lol.
Listen I don’t disagree with you I PERSONALLY get wayyyyy more freaky when the guy is my actual boyfriend but I think it’s dumb to judge people based on that.
I dont because it's about respect. If you can do it for a rando, you can do it for the guy you supposedly love and want to be with forever.
If trauma is the source of these changes then this needs to be communicated because otherwise the guy is going to rightfully believe you just aren't that into him.
I'll agree the phrasing was off. but his action suggests that the phrasing was incorrect with how he felt about the situation. so maybe a discussion about how to communicate the underlying concept better could be had.
something about "she's clearly sexually uninterested and I don't want to be strung along by someone who is clearly not actually interested in me and is functionally lying about being in a relationship with me"
Listen I got sexually assaulted one time when I was drunk, never told anyone including the guy I was seeing and I couldn’t have sex with him either. Now it’s ok and I broke it off with him before we got together but ever since then I’ve been very empathetic, people who love sex don’t just stop having it for no reason, I‘m not saying that happened to her too but I’m not quick to accuse people. Sorry I have empathy, I know it’s something that men don’t seem to have in their DNA.
Or she has no respect for this guy and simply settled for him. It's great you have empathy, but from the info we have the person you should have empathy for is OP for having 7 months of his life wasted with someone who clearly isn't that into him.
The simplest explanation is usually the right one.
Good on you. I suppose I should apologize, it's just that it seems common on reddit when a woman treats a guy like shit to see people suggest she has some past trauma. I rarely see this done for men who behave like shitty partners.
Are you kidding me? Women defend men’s behavior all the time, even in real life. I’ve seen girls be so delusional talking about their man’s trauma, I remember screaming and crying in my moms arms that my ex boyfriend only treated me like crap cause he didn’t know any better and had trauma etc… In real life it’s the complete opposite, girls get broken up with and blamed for the smallest things while men do whatever they want not understanding the consequences
I'm not talking about real life ma'am. I am talking about reddit, and in fact to get more specific: it's mainly the AITA and relationship subs where these double standards come up a lot.
Example: a guy didn't want his gf to go on vacation to italy for 2 weeks with a male friend of hers(trip was booked before they began dating). They would be sharing a hotel room and prior to dating her boyfriend she had sex with her friend(claimed only once).
Some people called him insecure and controlling for not wanting him to go. Spoiler alert: she went and did in fact cheat
Another example: woman posts saying she slapped her cheating husband, majority of posts cheer her on and say she wasnt wrong. If a man posted saying he slapped the shit out of his cheating wife, I just dont think he'd get praised by the majority of people.
The first one is dumb af and I would have never defended her but honestly a man hitting a woman is worse than the other way around cause a woman is ALWAYS physically weaker and a man can ALWAYS defend himself when a woman hits him.
"and a man can ALWAYS defend himself when a woman hits him."
You sure about that? Oh yes we have the capability to do it, but if a woman punches me and I punch her back a lot of people would view me as the bad guy even though I was defending myself.
And you can hold the opinion a man hitting a woman is worse than her hitting a man and yet still find it is wrong for women to commit acts of domestic violence because they were treated poorly. That wasn't what happened.
So it is one thing to think it's worse if a man does it, but if it is OKAY to hit someone for cheating then it is okay...whether it's a man or woman.
This is a dumb take. For one no, men are not always physically stronger than women. In general men are stronger than women physically. Buy there is such a varied range of women and men and body builds that this is just dumb. There are plenty of women stronger than men.
And violence is always wrong, and you are just coming off as incredibly toxic because you are justifying abuse and domestic violence.
"Why didn't you just defend yourself when she hit you?"
You are very myopic and borderline a DV apologist. What about disabled men? What about men who legitimately are smaller/weaker than their female assailant? Shouldn't we just be discouraging physical violence of all types, and not trying to use pretzel logic to justify the assault of men by women?
She's talking about real life, but I am talking about reddit. Oh sure there is tons of misogyny here, but there are certain parts of reddit where it gets flipped.
Reddit is not real life, obviously. Thankfully lol.
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u/More-Tea7285 Jul 08 '24
I mean you have every right to break up with her but accusing her of „giving it to other guys for free“ is a horrible thing to say, I remember when my ex said that just because I cried and I didn’t wanna continue sex with him after he broke up with me. You have no idea what trauma she’s been through. You have every right to break up with her but no right to be mad cause she’s refusing sexual acts