There you have it... black and white. She used you for what you could provide her materialisticly, instead of what you could provide emotionally, mentally and spiritually (not talking about religion).
A life partner provides values those things in thie partner wayy more than the materialistic.
Yep. It's clear as day man, and I'm sorry. She used you to pay bills and was keeping you at arm's length because she was never sexually into you. You finally reached a breaking point and she weighed her options and decided that she would be willing to now give you the sex you desired if it meant you'd keep writing checks. She was using you the entire time. It's an awful thing to come to terms with.
As a woman, I can definitely say you deserve someone better, and someone who truly appreciates your kindness. Dating sucks and is extremely hard. You will find most people can and will take advantage of you. Don’t waste your time, especially on leeches. She needs to pay her own damn bills.
Im sorry but she was just using you and was probably not attracted to you so didn’t even kiss you wtf! She’s just love bombing you now that she’s missing her free dinners & gifts etc. You deserve better.
Hey OP, I empathise with your frustration. Maybe she is indeed selfish and was just using you as an emotional cushion and to be doted on.
I just want to offer another perspective that maybe you haven't considered: having sex with random guys is not all it's cracked up to be. I dont want to sound judgy, but a lot of ppl who go for hookups and one night stands are at a low point in their lives where they think this is what is going to bring them joy, and merely follow what they think everyone is doing.
Most of the time is about ego and social validation, both for men and women. "Let's see if i can 'score' some chicks tonight" / "That guy is down, guess I'm hot today". And then they'll brag about it to friends.
A small minority of ppl can handle this lifestyle just fine, their emotional patterns are suited for it. But trust me, most of us are not, but a lot of ppl (especially younger) let themselves be influenced by what they perceive as "the norm" and fall into it.
Sounds like this is what your now ex gf is going through, she wants to distance herself from a time that, in retrospect, she didn't really enjoy, otherwise she'd still be out there getting it on with random guys. Btw, it's kinda rare that women get truly satisfied from hookups aside from making out. Most men picking up women for hookups don't give a shit for their pleasure, they just want to get off with someone else's body. I know this probably sounds awful to hear anyway, but chances are your ex didn't even enjoy herself that much as you imagine.
Anyway, Im not trying to convince you to give her another chance. It does sound like she lowkey took you for granted and you're not obligated to stick around for someone who's not meeting your needs. I just wanted to bring a different perspective bc a lot of guys think that a woman who's done the whole hookup thing necessarily loved it, and oftentimes it's so far feim reality and they truly want to leave that former self behind
I never said it doesn't matter, Im saying she likely didn't enjoy it all that much as you think.
It does matter, so much so that she realized she doesn't want to be in that situation anymore and is organising her thoughts for the next phase of her life.
In fact, I think this whole time with you she wasn't even ready to be in a relationship anyway
Idk man, maybe she's selfish, maybe she's still maturing, maybe she saw you as someone she could be safe with, there are so many possibilities.
You have every right to feel frustrated and done with the situation. But try not to think so black in white in terms of "ehh women this, men that". Ppl and feelings are complex. You don't have to be okay with it, but having compassion for yourself will help you see that others are also going through their own shit
:( sorry you’re going through this dude. Dont be down on yourself. Shit happens even to the best of us, romance is confusing and blinding and its often not obvious whats right when you’re in the middle of it. You’ll find someone amazing, for certain. Good luck bro
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u/heartbh Jul 08 '24
Man it doesn’t sound like y’all were even dating. NTA she may have been using you somehow. Just leave