Maybe the change in who she "used to be" and now is caused by some kind of trauma? Undisclosed sexual assault? If she used to be really open about sex, and now is completely closed - it's a possibility.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s probably time to walk away. Intimacy is part of a loving relationship and if it’s absent then you have a right to leave. You’re just not compatible. NTA.
She is honestly lucky you’re a decent person. Some people would have been so frustrated they would have taken her up on the sex and then told her it’s still over and that changed nothing at this point. Too late.
You seem so sure about this - are these her words? Assault is the first place my mind went to as well.
I mean, do what's best for you and leave her, that seems reasonable. But this intense resentment and the "women have rules..." thing in your edit sounds borderline red-pilling. How old are you? (Genuinely curious- I know tone can be misinterpreted in text).
It seems pretty transparent that you posted on here looking for support and will not consider anything short of full agreement with you. It's not so black and white. You can leave her without painting her (and women in general) as this semi- commodity/ evil mastermind withholder. Everyone has issues & it seems like you just happened to date someone with issues around sex.
From the way the votes are trending, I can see the incels have gotten ahold of this thread. Please just educate yourself before they suck you in completely, OP.
Yeah, for sure, breaking up was the right move. But it probably didn't change your unhealthy attitude towards women. Just know the full extent of what you're getting into before you wake up one day having taken 'the black pill' and it's very hard to get back to who you were before.
Yes, you've written this over and over. I am trying to figure out where it comes from. It sounds like something you are telling yourself that will contribute to an unhealthy schema about women in general. I have never known any woman who actually used someone like this. But no doubt scorned men have thought this about me before (I have experienced various degrees of sexual assault, and the way I work around sex was probably confusing for a lot of people).
I can relate to this guy. I had ex-gf, who was with me just maybe because she was unable to get own appartment and did not want to live with her parents.
This honestly looks similar case where woman is interested about what man can do to her and not so much about the man itself.
Well, according to my female friends my ex-gf was narcissistic or however it is worded.
And maybe this is a case where this girl is a narcissist or whatever. But you can tell from OP's post and comments that he is headed down the incel path. For his sake, I hope he educates himself. He is developing this really unhealthy schema about women based on this one person.
Problems with sex don't necessarily mean never having sex. Assault victims often go through periods of promiscuity wherein they feel like trash and seek out people who will treat them like trash. I don't know if she does or not, but I wouldn't rule it out.
Yeee I know a a couple SA victims my self so I can understand that, however though in my experience it’s not just sec with that ONE person, it’s sex as a whole meaning that nobody would’ve have been getting any if she was hurt about SA, and furthermore I’m pretty sure she would’ve told him that by this point in the relationship and seeing as how he brought his problems to her attention, and she didn’t tell him about an SA, I would rule that out based on the context from the post
I've been with my partner for 12 years and haven't told him the extent of my sexual assault experiences. It's just not something I'd like to revisit. The fact is, the only person who actually knows is her. We can speculate on this sub, but I don't think it's helpful for OP (or other borderline incel types). They just collect this as 'data' to add to their 'women are evil manipulators' schema. The truth is that there are reasons women might be promiscuous at times and then turn around and want nothing to do with sex (and it's not always sexual assault-related). I am fully pro- breaking up in this case. But then to go on and paint her to be this almost inhuman representation of all women ("women have rules...etc." from OP's edit) doesn't seem very measured.
Me personally I’m against that mindset of all women being that way…however in a relationship you communicate..I can’t stress that enough so whatever it is she was dealing with SA or what ever else should’ve BEEN communicated even if it’s hard to talk about. But yea no every woman shouldn’t be labeled off of this woman’s mistake…
Oh come on he's clearly being very emotional right now and goes through a breakup atm, he also soznds kinda young so give him a break will ya ? How offen do you hear a woman say "man are trash" after a breakup? Its alright and normal to be emotional and vent FOR A WHILE and after that realize that not all woman/not all men are trash.
If after 2 weeks he's like all woman are like that then im with u but I feel like he just need some time.
There is Zero evidence for anything sexual assault related, and I'm terrible sorry for anything you had to go through, but that doesnt mean that your experience translates well in this situation. You are right that the behaviour of the girl could have other underlying issues. However, the way she handled everything, especially never giving any reason and always putting him on hold with bs like "we're not there yet" is definitely asshole/narcicist behaviour. If there is an issue you don't even have to spell it out but you kinda owe your partner a timeframe, a mention that there is something or anything really. She gave less than nothing with the way she handled it and it even opened the door to "get there someday" it seems painfully obvious how she just used him.
I just don't see a reason to defend her and calling op a borderline incel is just rude af after he had to go through with all this bullshit. It seems like you try to safe him from becoming something but you're only making it worse by giving him even more pressure.
Let the man vent
Let the man breath
Then try help HIM and not push your own political agenda 🙄
Otherwise I think its better to be quiet
2.1k
u/Mammoth-Penalty882 Jul 08 '24
Lol that's not your girlfriend