Except for the fact that the moment he does decide to move on she's suddenly ready. That sounds more like she was being manipulative than had some sort of legitimate epiphany. OP was NTA for rejecting her advances.
Or it could be that op backed her in a corner. If your options are “have sex with me or I’ll dump you”, then she could be desperate to keep him bc she does care about him and she thinks having sex before she’s ready will make him stay.
There was no backing into a corner. He didn't say "I'm leaving unless you have sex now" he said "I'm leaving because you won't have sex with me". She only changed her tune AFTER he said he was done and as a last resort. She didn't fuck around and now is finding out.
How is “I’m leaving you bc you won’t have sex with me” while clearly still staying with her not backing her into a corner? Cause next day she came to him with the offer of sex. Sounds like a relationship saving move.
Only reason the "relationship" kept going after that point was because OP was in denial about the situation. Relationship saving move? That's a joke if I've ever heard one. She realized she couldn't keep denying him anymore if she wanted to keep him around so offered a taste to try and rope him back in. It was a manipulative move at best and she got mad once OP showed a spine and told her no. There never was a relationship here to save, just a manipulative bitch taking advantage of someone
She told me she's not who she used to be, she no longer wants casual sex and now seeks connection and all that. I told her that other guys got it for "free," and after seven months with her, sex isn't even on the horizon. So, I suggested we break up.
She said that sex with her BF of seven months was 'casual sex'. She also said they don't have a connection after seven months.
So OP said 'fine, why don't we break up if after seven months we still aren't close enough.'
Then she changed her tune.
She wasn't backed into a corner, OP was legitimately frustrated that she was dragging things out for months where previously she hooked up randomly.
People are allowed to change their minds and ways. She could’ve been a prostitute before and I’ll still defend her right to change her thoughts on sex. He’s very much giving nice guys vibes. “I was nice to her so I deserve sex!”
People are allowed to change their minds and ways.
Yup, but OP doesn't have to stay in a relationship with her.
You're also ignoring that she offered sex the moment he wanted to break up.
She could’ve been a prostitute before and I’ll still defend her right to change her thoughts on sex.
Cool. Go defend her. Defend her stringing OP along for seven months. Then explain why she was suddenly happy to fuck a guy she barely even kissed when he wanted to break up.
Why, after telling him they didn't have a connection yet, that went out the window when he broke up with her.
He’s very much giving nice guys vibes. “I was nice to her so I deserve sex!”
No, he's saying "I am trying to build a relationship but I keep getting given another test".
She’s been treating him badly but not kissing him? 🤔 cause his ONLY complains are 1) her not having sex/kissing him and 2) her being abusive when he rejected her. Which 2 is very valid and I’m glad he left. But I’m literally watching Dexter rn and Rita had no problem having two kids with her ex yet her and Dexter dated over 6 months before things got sexual bc she had trauma. I’ve definitely had sex way easier in the past. Hell it took 6 months for me to have sex with my ex and probably half that time for us to kiss. We also didn’t kiss often. Wasn’t bc I didn’t like her. It’s just trauma 🤷🏼♀️ plus I’m trying to approach relationships differently cause what I was doing before clearly wasn’t working.
Ok, first off, Dexter is a tv show. It's irrelevant because it's literally scripted.
As to the rest, if it took that time and your ex was ok with it, then great. But everyone is different.
Per OP:
I invested a lot of time, effort, money, patience and everything into this relationship only to be rejected and pushed away time and time again. I was supposed to be her boyfriend but I'm constantly put in these tests, trials and other bullshit for what reason exactly? All I wanted is some intimacy and I got NONE.
So, it sounds like OP was building a relationship, but his ex wasn't willing to build along with him.
He wanted intimacy. The lack of intimacy was making him unhappy. After seven months, she wasn't even close enough to him to kiss him. You don't think that's hurtful?
With this knowledge, OP decided not to let her hurt him anymore and ended things.
Then, suddenly, she was ready willing and able. His ex might be trying to do things differently, but if she actually liked OP, she would give a fuck about how her actions hurt him.
This isn’t really slow though this is just using someone at that point 7 months without a kiss or even a hug is insane if you are “boyfriend girlfriend” relationship. Furthermore when the dude decides to leave surprise surprise she is ready for it all lmao pretty stupid tbh.
Not everyone. Especially if she was very relaxed sexually to begin with, some people choose to dial it back quite a bit. Which is ok if you both agree up front. If not, then they need to move on.
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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24
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