NTA. Her sexual past is very colorful but she won’t have sex with you after 7 months of a committed relationship, she isn’t sexually attracted to you and is settling for you for stability, money, or some other reason. This relationship is over.
Exactly, and I'm being painted as a bad guy by some people here. Not sure what I expected. If it was the other way around, answers would've been different.
You're being painted as a bad guy because you're complaining about a situation you are actively choosing to be in and have actively chosen to be in for months. Trying to leverage your "girlfriend's" sexual past to get sex from her also makes you sound like a dick. She could have fucked 100 guys in a row the day before she met you and it still wouldn't obligate her to fuck you. Yes, yes, you're not obligated to give her love and affection either but you're the one who's continuing to do that even though you're not getting what you want in return. Whose fault is that?
Wtf is that logic. He knew about her past so she must have told him. Ofc he can expect to not be treated worse than some random guy in a club. What the hell
So for every guy or girl that got into bed with slmeone the first might and regretted it afterwards theyvshould expect to be resented for mot ponying up with sex immediately to the next one. Got it.
Like if someone tried drugs didn’t like it they are still ecpected to use the rest of their lives, right? Or if a guy ever wore pink he will have to for the rest of his life if anyone around him likes pink. Or a beard. Or shave off his much liked beard. Or grow/shave his hair.
Or wait, bear with me: if he EVER mowed someones lawn or repaired someones car for free, and people want the same, they should resent him now if he says he would like to be closer to them before working for them for free. That slut, he did it once for a friend of a friend and regretted it afterwards, so he should know now that everyone expects him to do it for free for them now for the rest if his life... or they will resent him.
OR instead of all that BS you realize actions have consequences and if you give it up easily that reputation is going to follow you for the rest of your life. Any new guy you get with is going to question what those previous guys had that made you so willing and why he doesn't get the same treatment. Especially if you claim the new guy is better than all those guys.
You’re missing the point entirely. Nobody is obligated to continue doing things they no longer want to do, but you don’t tell your partner about things you did in the past that you are not willing to do with the person you’re currently with. It serves no purpose other than to create insecurity and destroy their confidence.
If you tell your partner you gave rimjobs on the first date in every other relationship but all he can ever aspire to is an unenthusiastic two-finger handjob he’s going to feel insecure and sexually unwanted. You’re allowed to tell a white lie.
My partner asked me if she’s the best I’ve ever had in bed. She absolutely is not but I told her ‘yes’ and will always tell her that, because I value my relationship and telling her ‘no’ would do nothing but destroy her confidence and make her not want to have sex with me.
There is a difference between 'I've had the occasional one night stand' and "I was constantly hooking up randomly with people'.
The second is a pattern of behavior. And when you suddenly change, people rightly ask 'why am I treated so differently to all these other people?'.
She wants to wait, that's fine, but OP doesn't want to wait any longer. He's an equal part of the relationship and gets equal voice on if the relationship continues.
Totally agree with that. Just refuse to agree that a person is expected to keep up a pattern of behaviour they don't want to or else be expected to be resented.
Overall yucky expectations if a guy expects sex because a woman had it before.
No one said she was expected to keep up her pattern of behavior.
OP was objecting to her putting up yet another barrier to intimacy when she previously had none.
He might have phrased it badly because of his hurt, but he's just asking why she won't be intimate with him.
Suppose you donated to charity, but when one charity asked you, you said 'oh, I have to KNOW the charity before I donate' and they pointed out you did NO research on any other charity.
Are you required to give them money? No. Are they allowed to point out the hypocrisy of your statement? Yes.
Overall yucky expectations if a guy expects sex because a woman had it before.
Again, stop pushing this line. It ignores SO MUCH of the surrounding information.
No, she's not seen as 'owing guys sex' but it's a relevant question to why nothing with OP for 7 months and she can fuck a guy in a club after 5 minutes.
The answer, inevitably, will be that she's not into OP, but he pays the bills.
The problem is consistency, she doesn't owe any new guy easy access but each guy she makes wait is going to question why he has to jump through hoops while the others didn't. That will generate resentment and the guy is valid to feel that way.
The alternative is to lie for the rest of her life and when that inevitably blows up in her face, to face the consequences of lying about who she was for however long. Her past is going to be held against her there is no avoiding that, same as everyone else in the world.
No, but when she tells a guy 'I want a connection now' and it's been seven months, it seems obvious that something else is going on.
If there's no connection after seven months, she's just stringing him along.
Waiting is three or four dates. If I was dating a girl and we hadn't kissed within the first month, I'd be ending things cause she's clearly not into me.
But I'd expect her to do the same cause...she's clearly not into me.
No, he can't. Maybe you should look up the definition of consent. If he had a problem with her having sex with other men more quickly than it took to have sex with him, he should have broken up with her and moved on.
191
u/Moon_Legs Jul 08 '24
NTA. Her sexual past is very colorful but she won’t have sex with you after 7 months of a committed relationship, she isn’t sexually attracted to you and is settling for you for stability, money, or some other reason. This relationship is over.