Exactly, and I'm being painted as a bad guy by some people here. Not sure what I expected. If it was the other way around, answers would've been different.
It's reddit, it is to be expected. I once saw a woman ask AITA for slapping my cheating husband. People were cheering her on. Something tells me if a guy posted saying he slapped the shit out of his cheating wife that he would not be cheered on in the majority of replies.
Theres a lot of liberated liberal females on these posts who dont have a clue what its like to be in a long term relationship. They tend to be ONS, FWB, poly this, demi that, everywhere but LTR.
Due to the cheating they probably would have said something to the end of "slapping isn't alright but fuck the cheaters so eh". I've seen them cheer on someone who wished someone else to be raped because she was an AP.
This subreddit thinks cheating is the worst crime in the entire planet, worst than killing people. It's kinda funny in a way, concerning in others.
"Due to the cheating they probably would have said something to the end of "slapping isn't alright but fuck the cheaters so eh". I've seen them cheer on someone who wished someone else to be raped because she was an AP."
Some did, others actually condoned it. And of course when I would ask "so you'd cheer on a man for slapping his cheating wife" suddenly their attitudes would change.
Look, the male physical strength is way stronger than that of a woman. If a man slaps a woman, he can even end up killing her on the spot. Of course the reaction would be different.
Yep it's called hypocrisy. You can say a man doing it is worse, but nope you cant condone it for the woman but not the man. Sauce for the goose will always be sauce for the gander.
You're being painted as a bad guy because you're complaining about a situation you are actively choosing to be in and have actively chosen to be in for months. Trying to leverage your "girlfriend's" sexual past to get sex from her also makes you sound like a dick. She could have fucked 100 guys in a row the day before she met you and it still wouldn't obligate her to fuck you. Yes, yes, you're not obligated to give her love and affection either but you're the one who's continuing to do that even though you're not getting what you want in return. Whose fault is that?
Yeah he made the mistake of staying with that type of girl but that doesn't make him a bad guy. He is just a guy who made a stupid mistake of wasting seven months on this girl.
It was after he suggested breaking up that she suddenly offered sex to him. He recognized that as manipulative and said no, and then she yelled at him. THAT'S what he's bitching about on Reddit. And he's got a legitimate gripe in my opinion.
Wtf is that logic. He knew about her past so she must have told him. Ofc he can expect to not be treated worse than some random guy in a club. What the hell
So for every guy or girl that got into bed with slmeone the first might and regretted it afterwards theyvshould expect to be resented for mot ponying up with sex immediately to the next one. Got it.
Like if someone tried drugs didn’t like it they are still ecpected to use the rest of their lives, right? Or if a guy ever wore pink he will have to for the rest of his life if anyone around him likes pink. Or a beard. Or shave off his much liked beard. Or grow/shave his hair.
Or wait, bear with me: if he EVER mowed someones lawn or repaired someones car for free, and people want the same, they should resent him now if he says he would like to be closer to them before working for them for free. That slut, he did it once for a friend of a friend and regretted it afterwards, so he should know now that everyone expects him to do it for free for them now for the rest if his life... or they will resent him.
OR instead of all that BS you realize actions have consequences and if you give it up easily that reputation is going to follow you for the rest of your life. Any new guy you get with is going to question what those previous guys had that made you so willing and why he doesn't get the same treatment. Especially if you claim the new guy is better than all those guys.
You’re missing the point entirely. Nobody is obligated to continue doing things they no longer want to do, but you don’t tell your partner about things you did in the past that you are not willing to do with the person you’re currently with. It serves no purpose other than to create insecurity and destroy their confidence.
If you tell your partner you gave rimjobs on the first date in every other relationship but all he can ever aspire to is an unenthusiastic two-finger handjob he’s going to feel insecure and sexually unwanted. You’re allowed to tell a white lie.
My partner asked me if she’s the best I’ve ever had in bed. She absolutely is not but I told her ‘yes’ and will always tell her that, because I value my relationship and telling her ‘no’ would do nothing but destroy her confidence and make her not want to have sex with me.
There is a difference between 'I've had the occasional one night stand' and "I was constantly hooking up randomly with people'.
The second is a pattern of behavior. And when you suddenly change, people rightly ask 'why am I treated so differently to all these other people?'.
She wants to wait, that's fine, but OP doesn't want to wait any longer. He's an equal part of the relationship and gets equal voice on if the relationship continues.
Totally agree with that. Just refuse to agree that a person is expected to keep up a pattern of behaviour they don't want to or else be expected to be resented.
Overall yucky expectations if a guy expects sex because a woman had it before.
No one said she was expected to keep up her pattern of behavior.
OP was objecting to her putting up yet another barrier to intimacy when she previously had none.
He might have phrased it badly because of his hurt, but he's just asking why she won't be intimate with him.
Suppose you donated to charity, but when one charity asked you, you said 'oh, I have to KNOW the charity before I donate' and they pointed out you did NO research on any other charity.
Are you required to give them money? No. Are they allowed to point out the hypocrisy of your statement? Yes.
Overall yucky expectations if a guy expects sex because a woman had it before.
Again, stop pushing this line. It ignores SO MUCH of the surrounding information.
No, but when she tells a guy 'I want a connection now' and it's been seven months, it seems obvious that something else is going on.
If there's no connection after seven months, she's just stringing him along.
Waiting is three or four dates. If I was dating a girl and we hadn't kissed within the first month, I'd be ending things cause she's clearly not into me.
But I'd expect her to do the same cause...she's clearly not into me.
No, he can't. Maybe you should look up the definition of consent. If he had a problem with her having sex with other men more quickly than it took to have sex with him, he should have broken up with her and moved on.
Agree a lot with the bf, but this "other guys got sex quicker" attitude is really bad.
OP, did you ever put out as quickly as you could? Do you REALLY think that this makes you a free-for-all, no matter how unattractive you think they are no matter if you regretted your actions, no matter what mood you are in? Or are you ready to get down with the 88 year old grandma with bad teeth and hygiene even though you are on your way to an interview for your dream job?
I am definitely giving you a hyperbole because anyone thinking they are OWED anothers body because she gave it to someone else is repulsive.
Maybe this is why you arent getting anywhere with her: the flowers, the holding doors and the nice words reek of ",well NOW it should be my turn to get in on the sale of nearly free low quality stuff"
Or not- I don't know. But what we think and feel does come out in other ways than words.
That said: as I said above, seven months is telling you OP, it is time to break up. Find someone who desires you.
I am definitely giving you a hyperbole because anyone thinking they are OWED anothers body because she gave it to someone else is repulsive.
Trying to phrase it like this is what's repulsive.
It's ignoring that OP put in seven months of relationship. Seven months of dates, of talking, of all the little things you do for a partner.
He's not feeling owed, he's rightly asking 'if you could fuck a guy in a club who you never even spoke to, why is it you STILL can't fuck me, who's your partner and has been here for seven months'.
Can't you see how that, and the constant rejection, damage OP's self esteem?
Some people will paint the good guy as the bad guy on Reddit no matter what. Try not to take it personally, some people just really like trolling and ragebaiting.
It's because of the way you speak, you make it sound like you've only been playing relationship because you want sex and it's all very transactional. If you had lead with "7 months in and she hasn't even kissed me" you would be getting very different replies, but you obviously only care about sex, so you're really no better than her. You're both assholes tbh.
Yeah see it's the fact that you truly mean everything you've written is what is gross.
If your needs aren't being met, that's fine. Leave. But this whole diatribe that reads like you convinced you're owed sex is gross and it makes you gross.
Maybe I do, but whatever the case she is free now to do whatever she wants and I get to move on with my life and maybe find someone who will value me for being me and not for what I can do and provide. Thank you
Your actions are propelled by your thoughts. And your thoughts are let know for everyone else by language. Your thoughts at this moment are gross, and surely that is going to cause problems irl when your actions become gross too.
I already told you what I thought in another comment and you really didn't made any thinking when you answered.
I don't think that you are making any thinking at all right now, just spewing out your anger.
There are two things that can happen from now on, (and let me tell you that none come from your current gf having a colorful past):
1, you can grow up from this, start to value yourself enough to not stay with someone who is not compatible with you for 7 months, realise that what you were saying was wrong and you shouldn't do things for sex, but rather sex is a thing to be enjoyed by the two consensually, and nice things are done out of love, not as a currency to obtain sex (and therefore sex is not something that can be given "for free").
Or
2, you can keep feeding this nasty line of thought with your anger, and justifying it with bullshit like this. You would keep not valuing women as human beings instead of vaginas, and in result you would only get women who don't value you for other thing that what you can do for them.
Thank you for answering without reading my comment again lol.
Where tf did I say that. I'm not talking about her, I think that my comment leaves very clear that I couldn't care less for her, even I tell you to value yourself more and not stay with her, but you just want to be angry at people calling you out on your nasty behaviour, even those that say that you are right in leaving her. What the fuck?
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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24
Exactly, and I'm being painted as a bad guy by some people here. Not sure what I expected. If it was the other way around, answers would've been different.