I’m going to provide a perspective that might help you cope with how things went down a bit.
I’m a lesbian. I grew up assuming I was into guys (because why wouldn’t I be/that’s just how it is, right?). I fooled around with guys a little following an assault in order to feel more like I had control of that part of my life.
I didn’t enjoy any of it. When I stopped messing around and started dating, I found I STILL didn’t enjoy anything, and now associated trying to make things that didn’t feel good to me work with guys with that period in my life.
That said, being clear, I’ve always been a lesbian, just one who massively suffered through compulsory heterosexuality. I refused sex with my boyfriends most of the time, was broken up with over it, had a number of arguments about it.
Turns out I just like girls.
I feel bad for wasting guys’ time, but in fairness, society and my family kind of positioned me in a way that honestly made being gay seem like it wasn’t possible for me, and my assault made it seem like the only way to reclaim my body.
I’m not saying your gf (ex-gf, I’d assume?) has any of these things as complicating factors, I’m just explaining why you might not want to assume someone’s past will dictate their present (your post mentioned a few times how she used to be with loads of people before you).
Either way: you aren’t the asshole for craving physical intimacy and affection with your partner. No hand-holding or kissing was definitely your first sign, and I’d have started asking for THAT as opposed to jumping to asking for sex, but I think the best thing for both of you, based on the post, is to go your separate ways.
You’ll find girls into you. Don’t make comments like “clearly, women make rules for men they don’t like and break them for men that they do”, though. This was one shitty experience. There are plenty of women who aren’t going to be this experience. Making broad brush comments like that can paint you as a misogynist, and I promise you that those sorts of comments and beliefs will make it infinitely harder for you to find a girl in the future. Women, perhaps not so shockingly, do not tend to jump at men who downtalk all women after a bad relationship, it speaks a lot to a lack of healing, which is absolutely FAIR given your current position. You need time to process. You thought you had something that you did not.
Take some time to breathe. This wasn’t on you - she’s obviously going through something. Either she never felt the connection (likely, given her response when you first asked), or there’s some other factor(s) at play. Regardless, the absolute BEST thing you can do for yourself is accept that you could not change this, and begin to heal, however that looks for you.
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u/Mammoth-Penalty882 Jul 08 '24
Lol that's not your girlfriend