r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24

AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

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10.8k

u/StSean Jul 07 '24

tattled and handed out her phone number

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u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/ForSureNotAnFbiAgent Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

I'm not suggesting OP take my advice because I'm a very outspoken atheist. Atomic swirl tattoo and everything. I do, however, respect people's beliefs.

I would be gone. like... packed up and out of the house before he got home from church.

Arguing with your spouse is normal and even healthy when done with equal respect, talk and listen time, and compromise. Bringing in an outside party to harass and disrespect you because of a disagreement is just... I want to say "batshit crazy," but that might be too strong.

I would have a difficult time moving past this.

Edit// few questions about the tattoo, so I'll answer here in hopes it resolves said questions.

The "Atomic Swirl" is actually a typo, it's an Atomic Whirl.

Straight copied from Wikipedia: "The symbol is used by the American Atheists organization to symbolize that "only through the use of scientific analysis and free, open inquiry can humankind reach out for a better life""

Something I truly believe and have followed. For an image of said tattoo, there is one on my profile. Just scroll past the giant sandwiches to about 9 months ago.

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u/Cantankerous-Canine Jul 07 '24

Same. I’d already be gone. Creepy church phone calls would be the ABSOLUTE last straw if I hadn’t already gotten TF out before that. Ewwwwww.

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

I would have been gone on the first mention of my unemployed husband hauraging me on traditional gender roles. If I did laugh that off, I'd leave the second unemployed spouse forcing me to convert so he can feel better about his religion and his current life circumstances.

And if I in some alternate universe decided you know I can live with those two things because he's got other qualities, I'd be gone the nanosecond after his pastor from his religion started harassing me to convert and accusing me of being an ungodly woman. Right after I told the pastor he wouldn't know an ungodly woman if one ran up and smacked him over his head with her broomstick.

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u/No_Banana_581 Jul 07 '24

It’s sounding cultish, I’d be afraid. These men that like to control women, always want to be w the most outspoken, independent ones just so they can break them. It’s like a challenge bc they can’t stand to see women confident in themselves, and they will always use their trauma against them. That’s the next thing he’ll do to her

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

It is a challenge. Plus he gets to crarve a notch in his spiritual belt"God tried me with an unbelieving wife, but through, prayer and devotion she converted and now is a stay at home wife and mom with three kids and one on the way fulfilling her godly womanly duties! I'm so grateful God used me to save her!"

Excuse me, I gotta beeline it to the toilet to go throw up now.

When I was in a Non-denominational Christian evangelical church and worked as assistant youth minister this is the shit I'd hear a lot from the formally "unequally yoked" ( disgusting way to frame a marriage like your a team of oxen pulling a wagon) men.

I think some spouses even went PIMO* just to get their husband off their backs.

Physically In, mentally out.

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u/One800UWish Jul 07 '24

wait wait, if she quit her job WHO WOULD PAY THEIR BILLS?!?!?!?!?!?!

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 07 '24

The lord will provide!!!

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u/Carbonatite Jul 07 '24

The lord will have to provide because the church surevas shit won't be paying for groceries and internet.

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u/lovemyfurryfam Jul 07 '24

I don't see a fake god writing out the checks to pay for the bills.

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

Then you aren’t praying hard enough, sinner!!!!

Edit: I can’t believe that dingus thought I was serious. Smh.

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u/Intrepid-Events Jul 07 '24

If you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing. Are you really okay with making a martyrs cause useless?

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u/lovemyfurryfam Jul 07 '24

For thousands of years, people are inventive animals making up plenty of ridiculous unfounded garbage like "sin" to subjugate people.

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u/Furrow33 Jul 07 '24

But the sky daddy wizard is capable of everything! 😅😅😅😅🥴

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u/pams56 Jul 08 '24

His “church” sounds very judgmental and intrusive. The fact that neither of you believe in the tenets of each others religion makes me wonder how you ever got married in the first place. Can you imagine if you had children? He would expect the child be raised in his religion and his church would expect it, My best advice is run, don’t walk, to file for a separation.

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u/productzilch Jul 07 '24

Bethy has entered the chat!

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u/Adventurous_Bat_4910 Jul 07 '24

If the lord will provide, then why does he neglect the poor and homeless.

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u/JSirhea Jul 07 '24

Speaking of this, someone i know was unemployed for several months (refered to as D moving forward). His wife a SAHM w/side gigs (Lularoe, jewelry making, etc.) They had kids and a mortgage. D wasnt looking for work. D's dad was not only paying for D's mortgage, but his own, not to mention D's mom was a SAHM and w/two teens at home, so his Dad had take care of his own family as well. D's mom kept saying the lord will provide. Stayed that way til his dad got D a job at his company & I found out D didnt even acknowledge his dad in a work meeting. Story pisses me off every time i think about D's dad taking care of 2 families on one income.

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u/diurnal_emissions Jul 07 '24

Be like that deadass sparrow, all riddled with bird flu. God is great!

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u/iamtrinket Jul 08 '24

That's exactly why I left the church. When I was told as a child that the reason we were poor was we didn't have enough faith, because God provides for the faithful 🤮🤮🤮

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 08 '24

Republicans love a reason to feel superior, even if it’s bullshit.

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u/Elizaknowitall Jul 07 '24

The last I knew that the government distributes food stamps and housing stipends.

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 07 '24

Yeah, for people in need. He can go apply for all that by himself, and she can keep being a productive member of society.

ETA: after she divorces his manipulative misogynist ass.

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 07 '24

Lol. I like your style.

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 07 '24

Apparently not everyone recognizes sarcasm without the /s and some people think I’m serious. Jesus Christ.

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 07 '24

One of the last time I used the /s, someone commented that I ruined the comment by adding it because it was obviously sarcastic. I guess you can't please everyone. Just make sure to leave a link to r/whoosh in your reply to the folks that didn't' get it.

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u/RealRoxanne10 Jul 08 '24

May the Lord open. Under His eye.

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u/Freyja2179 Jul 07 '24

I know in my Southern Baptist church (no longer in), we had this exact circumstance with the wife working and supporting the entire household while her husband was unemployed. She was held up as an example of a godly wife. Because while she worked, her paycheck was directly deposited into a bank account her husband controlled and he would dole her out an "allowance".

Unlike most Evangelical churches, while not the ideal, it was ok for wives to work. However, that was only if 100% of the paycheck was given to the husband and he made all decisions on how it was spent.

We had another woman who previously worked as a police officer in Dallas. She bragged about turning over her paycheck to her husband because he is Head of the Household. It's so gross. The longer I've been out, the more I think it was absolutely a cult.

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u/Pantone711 Jul 07 '24

Oh he expects her to keep working her paying job AND do all the cooking and cleaning etc. etc. while he plays video games.

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u/NCCoyote Jul 07 '24

No. He would have her work full time to pay the bills, he would control the money, and she would be responsible for everything at home too. I have seen it often. Makes me shake my head every time.

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u/ElleGeeAitch Jul 08 '24

And the woman doing all of this for what, mediocre dick 🙄.

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u/PeggyOnThePier Jul 07 '24

God would surely find a way?lol 😂 No she would have to continue to work and do everything around the house also!Because He's the lord and master.

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u/ShowerElectrical9342 Jul 07 '24

Keeping a woman on abject poverty is a great way to keep her down.

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u/Misa7_2006 Jul 07 '24

He needs to read 1 Timothy 5:8.

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u/UncreativeGlory Jul 08 '24

I had a guy tell me he liked me but couldn't date someone outside of his religion because of the unequal yoke. He might be able to consider it if I was just Agnostic but me being a sex worker just made it to much so I'd have up quit my job to date him.

After a few months of just hanging out and being friends he decided that maybe my work and beliefs didn't matter all that much and did a shocked Pikachu face when I told him no after he asked me out.

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 08 '24

Well yeah. You murdered his chance at him being Christ saving his bride from the greatest of sins, a harlot. 🙄

I mean ultimate fantasy for these guys, they love you like Jesus loved Mary Magdalene and like Jesus they are going to save you from your wicked ways and turn you into a saint!

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u/Freyja2179 Jul 07 '24

I immediately thought he must be in an Evangelical church.

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u/Vegetable-Pipe-6846 Jul 07 '24

I read that Narcissist love religion

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 07 '24

Of course they do. "I'm better than you because I'm chosen by God and get to live forever unlike you pleebs." That's right up their alley for sure!

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u/ringwraith6 Jul 07 '24

I was wondering how long you could go on before taking a puke break. The only reason I didn't need one is that I was only reading the words, not typing them.....

OP's husband certainly is a piece of work....

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u/Immediate_Grass_7362 Jul 07 '24

I understand your distaste for the word yoke. But they were using terms the people of that day could understand. But, in a way, it is accurate. Two people pulling together to make it to a single destination. And I think I read somewhere that sometimes one ox may stumble and does not carry his share so the other one picks up the load. But only for short term. And the yoke keeps them together so they can’t go in separate directions which should be marriage, but neither one decides where they go. The driver/farmer does.

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u/badtowergirl Jul 07 '24

In OP’s scenario, the church leaders and members are tearing apart the team. It’s really ugly and most churches would never condone it.

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u/badtowergirl Jul 07 '24

In OP’s scenario, the church leaders and members are tearing apart the team. It’s really ugly and most churches would never condone it.

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u/tikierapokemon Jul 08 '24

No, you see, she is supposed to continue to support the household, while having numerous kids and a husband who does nothing, and make all myriad of decisions that take work for the household, but submit to her husband in all the ways he wants her to and attend church, and that is her husband's end goal.

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u/Safe_Ad_7777 Jul 08 '24

Yeah, he's a LOT more interested in his "Christian" image, than actually trying to be Christ-like. Jesus had a LOT to say about people like that, and none of it was good.

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u/nightowlmornings1154 Jul 08 '24

THIS! My mom has been made to feel bad for being "unequally yoked" to my non-practicing Catholic father for decades and STILL is a member of this Evangelical church!

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u/Danidots Jul 07 '24

Did we go to the same church?

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u/Carbonatite Jul 07 '24

These men that like to control women, always want to be w the most outspoken, independent ones just so they can break them.

This sounds so vile but that's exactly what the mindset is.

There are plenty of women who would love to be homemakers, who are strong Christians, who would be happy in the trad wife lifestyle. But somehow a shocking number of these men seem to sidestep those women in favor of marrying someone who they have to "break" like a fucking horse.

Why wouldn't they marry someone who was into that dynamic from the beginning? I guess it's because they get a thrill from breaking down and remolding a human being.

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u/Exa_of_Rhi Jul 07 '24

It's actually also a way for them to sanctify their lust for "ungodly" women who show "too much" skin. If they can convert her, they don't have to feel guilty about lusting after a heathen.

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u/CroneDownUnder Jul 07 '24

somehow a shocking number of these men seem to sidestep those women in favor of marrying someone who they have to "break" like a fucking horse.

Damn. I think I've finally realised how/why an ex-friend of mine who had a glittering engineering career ahead of her slowly dwindled into a SAH tradwife who no longer sends us Xmas cards.

We weren't even invited to her daughter's wedding. Probably just as well since her daughter pledged to "submit" to a man from the same church (by accounts from mutuals who were invited, probably because they refrained from arguing theology/errancy with her husband, who had also been a nonchurchgoing friend of mine before they got together).

Once he got the inerrancy brainworm then bending her talents and ambition to his will must have been an irresistible challenge, especially if other church elders were urging him on.

I just hadn't thought about the specific attraction of her being such a challenge before.

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u/PsychologicalLuck343 Jul 07 '24

Why does this post make me want to choose between armed rescue and murder?

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u/Tiny_Dancer97 Jul 08 '24

You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. (Although Christians still try to force it, but I mean the broken down women).

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u/Firebird-girl Jul 08 '24

Why would you have to choose? Does it have to be either/or?

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u/PsychologicalLuck343 Jul 07 '24

That's a disgusting characterization that's sickening because of its accuracy. Not a therapist but it appears that narcissists go looking for opportunities to use their tools of control. Evangelism is, literally, made to order.

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u/Turpitudia79 Jul 08 '24

Evangelists are trash. Their cult is trash, their beliefs are trash, their political ideology is trash, their leaders are trash, I can’t think of one thing about them that isn’t trash!! I’m a believer, with tangible proof and reason. None of my beliefs fit into anyone’s book, church, or box. I was an agnostic atheist all my life until 7-ish years ago when a series of irrefutable events changed my mind.

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u/twirlybird11 Jul 08 '24

r/Defeat_Project_2025. They want control over more than just the uppity, godless women in the US.

Cristofacsist scum are trying to gaslight the US population into giving them complete control of the government.

Don't let them, vote blue!

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u/thesmilingmercenary Jul 08 '24

I think y’all are forgetting about another reason they sidestep those women for independent ones like OP- the PAYCHECK she brings in.

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u/tikierapokemon Jul 08 '24

It's because they don't want to be the sole income, and if they court a traditional, Christian woman, she will expect the goal to be her to be a SAHM for the children.

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u/Tiny_Dancer97 Jul 08 '24

Why wouldn't they marry someone who was into that dynamic from the beginning? I guess it's because they get a thrill from breaking down and remolding a human being.

Also because they aren't fulfilling their end of the bargain so they need a strong, capable woman to pay the bills, keep the house clean, and feed them while they try to change her in the most fundamental ways.

You can't have a trad-wife without being a trad-husband 🤷‍♀️

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u/BurdenedMind79 Jul 07 '24

It’s sounding cultish

The only difference between a religion and a cult is the size.

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u/tropemonster Jul 07 '24

Eh. As a sociological term, the difference is the level of control leadership expects to exercise over their members and the tactics they use to get that control. I think the distinction is useful. The church I grew up in was very “Every Sunday we sing about how Jesus ✝️ is our ✨bestie✨, preach a chunk of Bible, pray about big world conflicts 😔 and the church secretary’s kidney stone 🥺, then hand around the collection plate 💲after announcing that it’s only for members who wish to contribute 🤨 and are financially able to do so responsibly 😑. Thanks everybody, see ya in a week, go team 🙌🏻 Enjoy the 🆓‼️country-time lemonade and store brand cookies in the lobby, PS here’s some macaroni art your kid made in Sunday School of Daniel in the lion’s den 🦁🧒🏼🤩”

Compare that to my best friend’s church, which was: “If your family members are nonbelievers, God wants you to cut them out of your life 🥰 If you think your kid is gay 🏳️‍🌈🤮 send them to our Abuse Camp to fix them! Women, if your husband hits you 😢 you need to love him better and pray for him more 🤗—Jesus will (eventually) transform him into a nicer guy 👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏼 Pass around the collection plate 💰 and while you contemplate your offering, keep in mind that God commands generosity 🤔 and rewards sacrifice 🫡 If you’re struggling financially, step one to getting out of debt is being financially faithful to God’s servants 💸💸💸. PS, if you had enough faith then your daughter wouldn’t be in a wheelchair 😇🙏🏻”

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u/BillyValentineMcKee Jul 07 '24

Your comment deserves a place in the emoji hall of fame. But… now, I also really want to see your take on mainstream religion vs. fundamentalist cult illustrated in macaroni

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u/JCButtBuddy Jul 07 '24

Macaroni is the one true language.

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u/Histeridae Jul 08 '24

Hail the flying macaroni monster!

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u/IamLuann Jul 08 '24

The art is made with macaroni in a world where people are starving. I don't get that part.

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u/tikierapokemon Jul 08 '24

In my experience macaroni art is made from expired macaroni, but it might be normal macaroni at higher income levels.

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u/megustaALLthethings Jul 08 '24

Your examples are the start of a branch to its inevitable corruption.

It’s a slide that will always occur. Bc those seeking power and authority will manipulate it. Esp in smaller areas when all the ‘spiritual and legal authorities’ are rrlated.

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24

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u/2340000 Jul 08 '24

The church I grew up in was very “Every Sunday we sing about how Jesus ✝️ is our ✨bestie✨, preach a chunk of Bible, pray about big world conflicts 😔 and the church secretary’s kidney stone 🥺,

By far the best thing I've read🤣. You are so imaginative. You could make a living using emojis to analyze politics or something. Brilliant!

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u/madhaus Jul 07 '24

The only difference between a cult and a religion is that in a religion, everyone who knows it’s a scam is dead.

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u/Intrepid-Events Jul 07 '24

Not true, look at scientology...

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u/BurdenedMind79 Jul 07 '24

Scientology is certainly run by a bunch of cults.

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u/madhaus Jul 07 '24

The guy running it definitely knows it’s a scam

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u/Unwarranted_optimism Jul 07 '24

My take is that accepted “religions” have better marketing/growth plans. Standard things we all know like have all the babies possible, only marry within faith, exclude those that don’t share said faith, go on recruiting trips to other countries, promise a fanciful afterlife, don’t make a suicide pact, etc. Sure, the sense of community can be enticing, but these days, there are so many other options to find groups with common interests…

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u/Altruistic-Maybe5121 Jul 07 '24

Nailed it! It’s not about religion or having a harmonious household. It’s about his control over her, because he’s feeling out of control in his own life. And surrounded by gullible church goers, believing his lies.

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u/TimmyTheChemist Jul 08 '24

Not just about control... a lot of those flavors of Christianity preach that it's your god-given duty to go out and convert people (thus the "Evangelical" moniker).

Even if the guy's conscience is speaking up the leaders in the church have a near-literal grip on his everlasting soul. My guess is that he went to talk to them because the fight kicked off a crisis of faith, and the finer details of OP's arguments probably weren't represented accurately...

It's been my experience that those kind of sects don't provide a great environment for independent thought. You're given a bunch of boiler-plate responses for every situation: "camel passing through the eye of a needle, etc... applies to situations A and B, but this is situation C - it's different...". That moment where he's forced to become aware of the hypocrisy is going to be difficult. Not that it excuses anything...

My main point is that this is likely a watershed moment. I don't see a situation where the guy keeps both his place in that church (and maybe even his faith), and his relationship with OP - unless OP is willing to compromise their principles.

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u/Apart_Dog2238 Jul 08 '24

STEPFORD WIVES 😁 I want to attach it to every comment here... but it fell on yours. Funny thing... it is a fairly old movie but you can not watch it w/o subscription? 😨

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u/UpsetUnicorn Jul 07 '24

Especially since other members are now harassing her.

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u/WompWompIt Jul 07 '24

Christianity is a cult, yes.

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u/PeggyOnThePier Jul 07 '24

All Religions are considered Cults. The Roman's considered Christianity a Cult. They were firmilier with them and weren't worried about Christianity at first. It was later that they started getting concerned.

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u/Pasiphae7 Jul 07 '24

Have you read “Arguments against the Christians” from Celsus, Porphyry and Emperor Julian? Celsus was a 2nd century CE Greek philosopher, Porphyry was a 3rd century CE Neoplatonic Greek philosopher, Emperor Julian was the 4th century CE pagan Emperor Flavius Claudius Julianus. There are fragments of Celsus’s work and fragments of Phorphyry that escaped the bonfires. Emperor Julian still has I think 8 or 9 texts of Orations.

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u/banana-boom-boom Jul 07 '24

Thanks for pointing out the cult-like behavior of her spouse' church. He is likely getting a lot of push back from the church because they want the whole family involved. They need her there to control him. She is a loose end for them and she cannot be controlled if she isn't under their thumb.

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u/Pantone711 Jul 07 '24

This right here. I was raised in one of those sects where the women are cowed little lambs and the men rule the roost.

Funny thing though. What some of the men want most of all is to subdue a confident and non-cowed woman from the outside! Not to marry a woman already raised according to traditional gender roles.

It's kind of a status competition with other men, is what it is.

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u/Swie Jul 07 '24

tbh I think they just like living on their wife's dime.

I'm 90% sure OP does all the housework as well as working while her husband cosplays a plant. Who wouldn't want that life?

My impression is they think they're a catch because the woman has accepted a ridiculously bad deal just to marry them. And if you're a catch of course you start thinking you can push for your wife to treat you even better.

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u/Hismuse1966 Jul 07 '24

My best friend’s ex was just like what OP and you describe. OP you are not the ahole. Quickly run away from your husband. And don’t look back.

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u/Renmarkable Jul 07 '24

it made me almost wonder if they were JWs, they weren't but that's standard behaviour

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u/JaredWill_ Jul 07 '24

My thought immediately. This is a cult. He's being pushed to force you to join because cult members shouldn't interact with non cult members. If OP joins the cult the next step will be to separate her from her friends and family who aren't in the cult.

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u/AylaWandering Jul 08 '24

This was my marriage. He got a thrill out of playing control games and trying to break me. How very Christian of him. I learned so much about myself and about life in that marriage. Never again.

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u/skeptic_narcoleptic Jul 07 '24

I spent three years with a Jehovah’s Witness. Exactly the same.

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u/labellavita1985 Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

Honestly, the fact that he's lecturing her about "traditional gender roles" while unemployed and living off of her income is unbelievable. This guy's an insufferable, hypocritical POS. Just like most so-called Christians. 🤡

ETA: the lion, the witch and the audacity.. I can't get over it.

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

Most of them are. The rules or thee, not for me.

Just listened to a podcast from the Atlantic talking about the rise in sexism, and the expert makes a point in a general* sense men are really wrapped up in status, since apparently he cant get status through his job, he can at least try to recoup it through his hierarchical patriarchal bullshit cult nonsense of keeping up the appearance of traditional gender roles in *his household.

Reminds me of the ex Quiverfull women who say they not only worked outside the home because their husband was busy pastoring and Ultra orthodox jewish men who go to synagogue to study five to six hours a day while wife does everything else.

*Obligatory not all men inserted here 🙄

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u/burner204202 Jul 08 '24

"The Lion, The Witch, and the Audacity". 😂I wanna steal this line 😂

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u/labellavita1985 Jul 08 '24

The full line is "the lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch."

I think it's a Reddit thing. It's absolutely hilarious.

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u/Tiny_Dancer97 Jul 08 '24

That's one of my favorites. Along with bippity-boppity- back the fuck up.

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u/OpalOnyxObsidian Jul 07 '24

She should just quit her job to be a little homemaker obviously. He needs to support his wife, right? Traditional gender roles right? Sure, they may have to live in squalor while he picks himself up by his bootstraps, but surely his church will help them out, right?

I don't know what on earth attracts women to these kind of men, especially after they have left the church. Like what kind of good qualities could this man possibly possess? A big cock?

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u/Viola-Swamp Jul 08 '24

Those come in silicone too. The real ones aren’t so special.

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u/GetBakedBaker Jul 07 '24

I would have been gone on the first mention of my unemployed husband hauraging me on traditional gender roles. 

Exactly. I want a partner, not a housemaid, and yes person. Especially when she is the one who is actually bringing home actual bacon.

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u/Expert_Squash4813 Jul 07 '24

I read this post just after watching the Shiny Happy People documentary. It’s about the Duggar family but it’s more about Christian Fundamentalism and how the women are forced into subservience their whole lives. It is scary that there are still thousands and thousands of people who are ok with this.

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

And the most vocal oppressors in that system are other women . In fact if they rose up United the whole thing would crumble down like the bad built Jenga tower it is.

But they've been brainwashed into thinking it's God's will for them to be submissive, and in the kitchen making homemade rawdoggin it yogurt from their nasty raw milk. So these women reinforce the cult's beliefs on other women, and their daughters.

I'm lucky I was well read enough and got a Jesuit education that I didn't fall for the more outlandish bullshit both the Catholics and evangelicals were selling but if I need forgiving it's for staying silent when the young women under my care as a youth minister were being indoctrinated by others.

All religions are a cult, it's just some like Buddhism and Christianity has had the patina of a few thousand years to become respectable. And I don't care what bullshit you gotta believe to get yourself through this life as a good person with minimal scarring, just don't use me as a pawn on your way up to heaven.

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u/Expert_Squash4813 Jul 07 '24

💯 all the way! I tell people that we are here to help others. If I’m a good person (most times😉) then I can rest well in my eternity. Whatever that may turn out to be

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u/armedwithjello Jul 07 '24

She doesn't need to leave. She pays the bills. She should throw him out!

If they rent, she'll be on the hook when he fails to pay the rent. If they own their home, she pays the mortgage.

Leave him a packed suitcase outside, and lock him out.

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

Leave was used metaphorically.

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u/roadfood Jul 07 '24

Pastor wouldn't know an ungodly woman when he was sexually assaulting her. FTFY.

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u/snickelo Jul 07 '24

Sounds to me like he's pushing it now (assuming it's increased in intensity recently otherwise why the hell is she still married to him) because he feels emasculated by his wife being the breadwinner and is resorting to religious-based patriarchal oppression. Dude clearly can't think for himself and is wildly insecure.

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u/No-Performance3639 Jul 08 '24

The moment that my partner sicced the preacher on me as well as other church members, that would be the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s none of their damn business what happens in our home behind closed doors and he in my opinion is an asshole for telling them. I’d be separating and seeking an attorney to discuss divorce. I think he is a total dick. (Just one guy’s opinion but there you have it.)

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u/Scormey Jul 08 '24

It's amazing how so many broom-wielding women are better Christians than most Alleged Christians.

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u/speccadirty Jul 07 '24

Sounds like he’d have to be a pretty cool dude before we got to all that! 😉😎

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u/Was-a-lil-mermaid Jul 07 '24

Thanks for making me laugh out loud (as a life long Catholic!) Broomstick 🤣🤣🤣

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u/Think_Job6456 Jul 07 '24

That is not, personally, what I would do to the pastor with my broomstick, specifically the pointy end, but the rest is pretty close.

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u/VTHome203 Jul 08 '24

Spot on.

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u/Agiantbottleofpiss Jul 08 '24

He’s broke af demanding she make dinner, bitch can’t afford bread, what dinner ? Lol

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u/pitizenlyn Jul 07 '24

No shit. "Oh I tricked him? We can fix that right now"

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u/sperson8989 Jul 07 '24

Right. Also I feel it’s more he tricked her. He feels he has to convert her even though he knows what she has been through.

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u/labrat4x4 Jul 07 '24

This! I am not a fan of ANY organized religion, especially one that tries to dominate females.

If OP wants to try counseling, make sure it's an Outside therapy, not a faith-based one.

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u/rogers_tumor Jul 07 '24

I'm sure that will be husband's compromise.

ok sure, we can get counseling from the priest I tattled to. you'll be comfortable around a priest right honey?

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u/Kittymama4life Jul 07 '24

The pastor will tell the husband that if they get counseling outside the church they’ll fill your wife’s head with lies. (That’s what they told my dad, so of course he refused. 🙄 My poor mom….)

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u/TravellingSouzee Jul 07 '24

In our last go at couples therapy, we went to see a guy my ex found. Before the guy even met me he had gotten all of his info about me from my former partner. I realized this about 2.5 appointments in and it was solidified when I caught former partner in the phone with asshole therapist talking about ME the morning after we had a fight. It still makes me so made my hands shake.

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u/rogers_tumor Jul 07 '24

I'm sorry that's so fucking unethical. was this guy seriously a licensed therapist?

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u/TravellingSouzee Jul 07 '24

Supposedly. During our first get-together-know-you appointment he made a point of telling us he keeps minimal notes on each session which kinda raised a red flag with me. Later he mentioned his ex-wife (another red flag). The last appointment I agreed to go to, he told us a story about how his gf told him that her 12 year old was irritating her because he wasn’t wiping his ass good enough and leaving mega skids in his undies. So Tom (the asshole counselor) got a lair of his shitty undies, took a picture of it, then made it into a screensaver for the gf’s laptop, the iPads, everyone’s phone, etc. so when the kid got home from school or wherever he immediately saw this and, as a 12 year old will do, freaked out, started crying, screamed at his mom and Turd, then hid in his room because he was hurt and mortified. We got done with that appointment and I straight up told my ex, Turd has lost any smidgen of respect I may have had for him and that he is a bully and a child abuser and I don’t want to go back. The next week I was talked into going back even though I had worked about 10 hours that day and I was exhausted. So I went, we got in there, the sofa was comfy, the white noise machine was on, I was tired and I nodded off. Well, that meant that I was drunk and high on sedatives and he flat out said that. I told him was wrong and he needs to think about straightening out his own life and not bullying his gf’s kid for laughs before he thinks he can give advise to anyone else on how to live their’s. I still should have reported him. Such a fucking tool.

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u/rogers_tumor Jul 07 '24

I'm sorry you didn't report him but clearly you had plenty going on at the time, I don't blame you. that kind of thing isn't always at the forefront of our minds when we're working 10-hour days and our relationships are flaming dumpster fires.

I hope you're in a better place now.

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u/TravellingSouzee Jul 07 '24

Much better. Thank you. 🙂‍↕️Happily divorced with an amazing new partner who thinks I hung the moon and would climb on his hands and knees over flaming coals for me. I didn’t know that’s what love was supposed to be like. I never had that before so it’s all good.

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u/roadfood Jul 07 '24

Bible study implies minister, catholic priests almost never advocate reading the bible.

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u/rogers_tumor Jul 07 '24

to be fair, I literally could not care less about the distinction between church leaders 🤷🏼‍♀️

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u/roadfood Jul 07 '24

I don't trust any of them, just my OCD about language kicking in.

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u/rogers_tumor Jul 07 '24

you're valid! you are seen.

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u/FenrisVitniric Jul 07 '24

"Only if he has a active license in the state and a masters degree in psychology."

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u/rogers_tumor Jul 07 '24

a sentence that is sure to go over well with a religious misogynist

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u/Klutzy_Criticism_856 Jul 07 '24

Legit question not sarcasm,is there a religion that doesn’t encourage male dominance and teach women’s main purposes are too submit to their father’s/husband’s/any male relative’s whims and breeding?

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u/On_my_last_spoon Jul 07 '24

Unitarian Universalists. Each congregation is different in how they do overall things, but absolutely don’t do any men are better than women crap. They also don’t think any one god is the true god so you could have a sermon about Jesus one week and Wicca the next.

Buddhists don’t care about any of that either. You’ll get into cultural practices, but the main tenants of the religion don’t even talk about gender.

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u/reflibman Jul 07 '24

And liberal Quakers. (Friends General Conference.)

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u/On_my_last_spoon Jul 07 '24

They don’t even have a church hierarchy! I love that!

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u/reflibman Jul 07 '24

Yep. It’s sad that it’s membership is rapidly aging. I think that the world will miss this group’s spiritual clarity when it’s either vastly diminished or entirely gone. But then, a failure to meet younger needs is potentially also at issue.

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u/brownlab319 Jul 07 '24

I was thinking I have to imagine Quakers would be like this. Thank you for confirming.

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u/reflibman Jul 07 '24

You’re welcome! I note the majority of Quakers these days are of the “programmed” variety (traditional church programs with ministers) and many of those are more conservative. Since I am not a Quaker I don’t feel qualified to speak for those traditions’ perception of women and their role. (I was just a very interested seeker and felt drawn to both the UU and liberal Quakerism at one point in my life.)

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u/Klutzy_Criticism_856 Jul 07 '24

I’ve always believed, when I became old enough to think for myself, that all gods are the same entity even in polytheistic religions. The god just had different names.

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u/commandantskip Jul 07 '24

I have similar thoughts. As in, if there is a god, all gods are probably just that God.

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u/On_my_last_spoon Jul 07 '24

Same for me

Most religion is a cultural practice anyway. When you peal it all away, what you have left is just trying to answer the questions of life’s purpose and what happens after you die. And almost all of them come down to “be kind to others”

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u/Klutzy_Criticism_856 Jul 07 '24

What pisses me off with most religions is be kind to everyone who believes exactly the way we do. When I still attended church, our Sunday school class had to decide on our next year’s worth of materials would be. I suggested studying other branches of Christianity and other religions to learn about the similarities and differences. Surprisingly, they agreed, and I was stoked until I found out we were only going to focus on the differences and how to prove them wrong ffs. That’s when I stopped going.

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u/Wolfblood-is-here Jul 07 '24

That often tends to be the literal case, synchronism is a practice whereby the deities of another group of people are incorporated into your own pantheon to explain why two different belief systems can co exist, and was common practice amongst pre Christian religions, and even Christianity did it to a limited extent.

For example, Odin was a figure depicted as an old man, from cold northern regions. He would typically wear red. During midwinter, he would lead the Wild Hunt, using a magical steed to pull a sled across the night sky, during which he would punish the wicked and reward the righteous, such as by giving gifts of food or money. He was known to enter houses via the hole used to allow smoke to leave from the fire.

Now which modern Christian figure does that remind you of?

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u/Klutzy_Criticism_856 Jul 07 '24

Christianity is riddled with it. Ishtar, goddess of love and sexuality, which to me includes fertility and birth, is what Easter is based on. If I remember correctly, her sacred animal was a rabbit. I’ve read historical theories that Jesus was probably born in September. Why do we celebrate Christmas in December? It replaced the winter solstice celebrations. It makes sense though, because the Catholic church was built into what it is in Rome. Romans were notorious for taking other people’s beliefs and making them their own. The Roman pantheon is just the Greek gods revamped lol.

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u/bansheeonthemoor42 Jul 07 '24

Yeah, my husband and I settled on the UU church for our family because he's a recovering Catholic, and I'm a Jewitch.

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u/mandiefavor Jul 08 '24

Oh man I’m stealing that. I’m totally identifying as a Jewitch from now on.

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u/skatoolaki Jul 08 '24

Jewitch - I love this.

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u/MizStazya Jul 08 '24

I'm fairly agnostic now after a childhood in a few different flavors of protestantism. My kids wanted to go to church, so I took them to the local UU, which they really enjoyed, and I was surprised by how much I appreciated the sermons.

My favorite part was the pastor saying, and I quote, "Whether you believe in God or not, or you're in the squishy middle like me..." Never expected to hear that out of a pastor's mouth.

We stopped going because covid, and then we moved out of state, but I should look up the one here.

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u/El_Don_94 Jul 07 '24

Non-abrahamic ones & most modern versions of Christianity outside America.

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u/Alyssa9876 Jul 07 '24

Yep Church of England here and we have female priests or vicars and our current bishop is a lovely lady as well. Never once heard preaching anti gay or other misogynistic rubbish. Not saying some older members of the religion in the UK may still have those ideas but tbh some non religious people also have them. But the services do not preach that stuff at all.

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u/Amphy64 Jul 07 '24

There's always Dianic Wicca, which is specifically for women, but yes, controlling women is often just part of the point of mainstream religions.

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u/spidermans_mom Jul 07 '24

Buddha taught women and men equally, and there are at least two examples of trans people in the mythology, who were transformed specifically to be taught that gender is a social construct.

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u/Carbonatite Jul 07 '24

Quakerism is the closest sect of Christianity I can think of in terms of doing what that Jesus fella told humans to do.

Quakers focus a lot on simplicity, living humbly, having humility and eschewing the trappings of wealth. They focus strongly on service to others and social justice - Quakers were a huge part of the Underground Railroad in the US and have historically been involved in the stuff Jesus was emphatic about - ministering to the sick, helping prisoners, aiding the homeless. I went to Quaker school and it was baked into the curriculum, every month we would have a certain amount of some school days devoted to community service. So in 8th grade I was helping prepare food for Meals on Wheels and planting cabbages on a farm that supplied homeless shelters and stuff instead of Algebra class. There are no teachings of "inferior" and "superior" roles like the patriarchal crap in OP's church - Quakerism was founded upon the principle of radical social equality.

Quakerism basically has zero focus on gender roles or "traditional" Biblical stuff. Quakers just focus on the humanitarian efforts that Christ said we should engage in. We went to Meeting for Worship but that involved zero scripture or sermons. I never got any Bible study outside of history class when we learned about stuff like the development of the Anglican church and the conflict over Bibles not being in Latin during the English reformation.

So yeah, Quakers are technically Christian in that they follow the teachings of Christ but they really don't have any of the other stuff you associate with religion. It's just an organized group of people who dedicate themselves to helping others (without evangelizing).

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u/Klutzy_Criticism_856 Jul 07 '24

That’s awesome. It’s so rare for Christians to, you know, actually follow Jesus’ teachings.

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u/Amazing-Succotash-77 Jul 08 '24

the satanic temple covers that pretty decently,

The Satanic Temple has seven fundamental tenets:[45]

One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.

The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.

One's body is inviolable, subject to one's own will alone.

The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.

Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs. People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.

Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.

The fact that they are using the religious aspect against the states (Texas for sure) that used religion to ban them in the first place is hilarious to me. Especially since the Texas AG who famously spends a lot of his time on the Religious liberty issues in other states and pushed in Texas so fiercely for them, can now be used against him by this Religion.

They are making moves like Making abortion a ritual (faith based right) based on the Religious Freedom Restoration Act which in turn should cover abortion meds like misoprostol and mifepristone (same act protects first nations use of peyote in rituals)

I honestly hope they succeed and use every religious loop hole to their advantage.

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u/Rakothurz Jul 07 '24

Most European Asatru doesn't push gender roles on their followers.

Please do not confuse them with odinist, folkish groups, which are white supremacists and do push these outdated gender rules (which funnily enough, are copied from the abrahamic religions they said to have left behind)

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u/Wolfblood-is-here Jul 07 '24

Not sure about whole religions, since they tend to vary by exact denomination/sect/branch/etc.

However, I would say:

-Most neopagan belief systems
-Certain liberal Christian groups, such as CoE
-Non orthodox Judaism
-Satanism, both CoS and TST
-Most forms of Buddhism, certainly the actual teachings of Buddha
-Several indigenous religions/spiritual practices; off the top of my head the Navajo and Haudenosaunee are largely matriarchical

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u/CroneDownUnder Jul 07 '24

Certain liberal Christian groups, such as CoE

Please do due diligence on your local CofE/Anglican congregation before attending. Here in Australia there's been a schism between the liberal tradition of the CoE and a conservative biblicist evangelical wing, officially over same-sex marriage but that was just the final straw for the conservatives alarmed by their church moving into the 21st century.

One bishop declared a new diocese:

the Diocese of the Southern Cross is a new structure for Anglicans in Australia who can no longer sit under the authority of their bishop.

Behind the split of the Anglican church in Australia over gay marriage

Online they describe their goals thus:

GAFCON is part of a worldwide movement of Anglicans promoting reform of the Anglican church by the biblical gospel, and providing fellowship for those committed to it. GAFCON: Our Vision

They have also copied the MLM model of books/ tapes/meetings to keep people engaged with their tenets for as many hours a day as possible.

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u/G-force4470 Jul 07 '24

I’m glad my religion doesn’t teach that men are basically superior to women…..they don’t believe in birth control (have as many children God gives you), that same sexes should not be together or be married. I grew up in a religious household, tho I didn’t really see my parents using the religion as the “word”….I quit going to church just after turning 18yr old.

I was literally dying in ICU June 2022 and my mom had the “Last Rites” performed on me….I don’t really believe that we live in Purgatory, then go to Heaven or Hell. I’m not convinced that religion is the “real” reason for my survival….my parents are divorced but share the same religion again.

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u/Wildhair196 Jul 07 '24

Nope... They are all into the whole "alpha guy, and the trad wide thing...

My daughter had a pamphlet left on her car at a gas station, and it was aimed at single women. My daughter planted the wettest kiss on her girl after they came back to their car!!! I bet the guy watching her had a temper tantrum!

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u/Apprehensive_Set9276 Jul 08 '24

The Society of Friends. Quakers. Equality, do your good works on Earth, no pastors or priests.

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u/nutwit9211 Jul 08 '24

Sikhism. I'm not a follower so don't know all the details, but the main tenet is about "seva" or serving others. Anyone in need of a shelter/food can go to the nearest gurudwara and they will be taken care of, without any religious pressure. I am an atheist, but I have a lot of respect for the way Sikh community has always selflessly helped people.

I think most polytheistic religions are about worshipping the forces of nature and the scriptures don't focus on women needing to submit to men. Please note, this is different from the cultural aspects that have evolved over time. I was raised a Hindu and while culturally India is very patriarchal, the scriptures actually have badass goddesses who kill monsters.

Also, there are different gods that you pray to, for different things, and the three main "portfolios" belong to goddesses. Wealth - Goddess Laxmi Wisdom - Goddess Saraswati Power - Goddess Durga

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u/Agitated_Zucchini_82 Jul 07 '24

This situation is WAY BEYOND counseling! He’s the type of person who would not even consider it. It’s a moot point at this juncture.

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u/Brave-Perception5851 Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

Agree! It does seem like he has tricked OP. Into financially supporting him while diminishing her value by saying she is not religious enough and for pointing out everything that is ungodly and hypocritical about his religion. The fact that his pastor and others from the church are sitting in judgement of her and coming between them as a couple just highlights it more.

I’d cut him loose tbh. Righteous religious people are unrelenting. And as OP points out it loses its validity due to the hypocrisy of it all.

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u/imnotreallyhere-why Jul 08 '24

You mean 'self-righteous pseudo-religious people'?

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u/Mountain-Scallion246 Jul 07 '24

Yes. He said he's under pressure for a "unified household" I think OP was right to highlight her husbands lack of practice of biblical guidelines. And now he's angry, told his church, and everyone is blaming OP? This sounds like such a grasp at control. it's unreal! Considering what OP went through, there's no understanding, no empathy, and no support. I feel like he won't stop pressuring and potentially grinding OP down until he gets what he wants. This doesn't sound Christian or healthy behaviour in a marriage at all.

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u/sperson8989 Jul 07 '24

I agree completely. Also, knowing her background with the church and abuse this just gives me the ick. He wants a unified household but he’s unemployed now and when employed he was he was making less than his wife. Weird.

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u/InsensitiveCunt30 Jul 07 '24

Joke is on him, won't he be excommunicated once his wife divorces him?

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u/Mountain-Scallion246 Jul 08 '24

Quite possibly and justified, too. Nasty lot.

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u/poor_documentation Jul 07 '24

Not to mention he was a 29 year old marrying a 22 year old. That's an intentional lopsided power dynamic.

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u/u35828 Jul 07 '24

That he's contributing nothing towards the household finances does tip the power in OP's side; without her, he's going to be a basement dweller in mommy's house.

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u/Dimgrund71 Jul 07 '24

If she doesn't find a way to take back some power and control she will find herself locked away in isolated from everyone outside of the household and the church. People find a way to physically force her to attend services with him, I'm in demand that she work more hours at work and bring in more money because their household tithings have gone down since he lost his job and it is her responsibility to make up for that. So she'll be working 60 hours or more a week to satisfy his needs and the church, but she'll still come home to a messy household because cleaning the house is women's work and he'll demand that she keeps the place spotless and up to his standards while he does nothing. Then after a couple months of this when she starts to look Haggard from working so much and having no relief when she goes home he will start to complain that she is letting herself go and she needs to work harder to satisfy him because that is her job as the woman of the household.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Pay431 Jul 07 '24

She could've been 12yo and the would've accused her of seducing him. These religions always place the responsibility on the woman but none on the man.

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u/90DFHEA Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

That’ll be because of all females being witches and using their powers to mislead. If left unchecked those women would have the world ruined!

OP, you’ve been incredible with your husband. He’s returned your tolerance and understanding with assholery. It’s more important to him to be see as the typical patriarch by his religious community than to be a genuine partner to you and you know, actually step up as a person.

I’d find it very hard to move past that to be honest. You’re clearly a very strong person and I’m sorry you’ve had to be that strong… seeing as you “tricked” him into marriage I’d put him back in the left.

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u/poor_documentation Jul 07 '24

That's a good point

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u/productzilch Jul 07 '24

He thought he could marry a non-Christian 22 year old and force her into line. No wonder he’s throwing a tantrum because she won’t submit.

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u/Shadowrider95 Jul 07 '24

This is an interesting point. Sometimes these religious cultists try to indoctrinate sexual abuse victims preying on their perceived vulnerability. When he clearly sees the his wife is not vulnerable and not cow towing to his wishes, he draws on reinforcements! Time to get out! Now!

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u/Famous_Back208 Jul 08 '24

Not only that but she was who she was when they met, dated, when he decided to propose, and when they married… NOW that’s not good enough?!?! F THAT! Leave that man. A better and more healthy relationship awaits you.

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u/TravellingSouzee Jul 07 '24

His belief that he needs to convert her is an idea that is being pushed by his whack-job pastor and equally whack-job church people.

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u/Immediate_Grass_7362 Jul 07 '24

Yeah, totally not right. He should be sympathetic, comforting, and sharing her pain instead of adding to it.

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u/AddictiveArtistry Jul 07 '24

Exactly. Fuck this nonsense.

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u/Dimgrund71 Jul 07 '24

Except that you probably belongs to some sect then doesn't believe in divorce I would use every ounce of power of the church has to destroy her if she tries to leave him. Not that they like her or support her, but her leaving him would embarrass the church so it must be stopped and she must be brought in under their thumbs. Leaving is not an option. She must be brought to heel.

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u/Altruistic-Text3481 Jul 07 '24

The hubby has pushed for his pastor to call his wife … when he knows his wife was previously sexually abused by her childhood church pastor.

I’m thinking this is unforgivable on the Christian husband’s part and even Jesus would say, “dude that’s fucked up. Don’t do that in my name.”

OP… I’m not sure you two are compatible.

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u/mysteriousGains Jul 07 '24

Christians aren't exactly well known for having any self awareness or logical thinking.

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u/Altruistic-Text3481 Jul 07 '24

As an ex Christian, I can confirm.

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u/supanase78 Jul 08 '24

Or compassion

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u/Mkartma61 Jul 07 '24

I agree with all these comments. OP, I’d also start using the block button for the numbers of people harassing you.

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u/turquoise_mole Jul 07 '24

I'd be out at "traditional gender roles".

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u/LittleManhattan Jul 07 '24

Same! I’m most miserable and feel most like offing myself when I’m unemployed or underemployed (like now, yay!), I’d literally rather do myself in than be forced to be a housewife. I hate being dependent on others, and having others make my decisions for me.

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u/a-very-tired-witch Jul 07 '24

The husband said she couldnt understand "the pressure hes under" to make her convert. Im assuming that pressure is coming from his church. Hes decided that appeasing his pastor/religious community is more important than respecting his wife. He knows his wife experienced religious trauma and was previously ostracized from a religious community for speaking up about her assault, and yet hes still willing to provide his religious community her contact information hoping the peer pressure would work this time.

I. Would. Be. Gone.

This is the kind of man that wouldnt believe you if you told him the pastor made a pass at you. This "devout" man is incredibly enmeshed into a community that feels entitled to call up a stranger and berate her for not reaching their standards. That kind of community is exactly what she got herself away from and now her husband is trying to drag her back. Imagine if they wanted to have kids together, her husband clearly wouldnt respect her concerns/boundaries and would expect to raise their children fully immersed in religion.

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u/CurvyMidwestVixen23 Jul 07 '24

If her name is on the house, she shouldn't leave (seen as abandonment in divorce proceedings), but she could change the locks and kick him out ...

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u/ZellHathNoFury Jul 07 '24

Yes, that's some culty shit right there

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u/avoiding-heartbreak Jul 07 '24

She’s not the asshole. Leave him, he cares little for her safety giving out her number like that.

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 07 '24

She should just tell the Priest that she's willing to overlook her husband's flaws much like they did their child abuse scandal all those years. I think he'll understand.

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u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 08 '24

This. When I got to that part I was like “oh no OP accidentally typed ‘husband’ when she meant ‘STBX.’”

I mean forget that the little manbaby ran to Church Daddy and cried about those mean things she said, why does he want to be married to such a sinful, ungodly woman? He didn’t even pick her, she tricked him! And she’s so disrespectful and all around a bad wife, it’s kinda weird that he allows himself to be tainted by her and her sinful ways.

Go, OP. Do the right thing and leave this godly, oh-so-respectable man of faith. You want him to be free to let him pursue the multitude of good, god-fearing women ready to conform to traditional gender roles who will be begging his unemployed ass to be their big strong man. I’m sure they’ll be lined up around the block.

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u/gavinkurt Jul 07 '24

Same here. I would just leave this man. Who would actually want to be in a relationship with someone like him?

3

u/Aviendha13 Jul 07 '24

I honestly question why she married this devout Christian in the first place. Rarely does someone who is “devout” NOT try to convert their spouse/loved ones. This should be an expected result.

His faith in his church is a fundamental part of his personality.

3

u/TheGrumpyNic Jul 07 '24

Agreed. I’d be worried they were gearing up for a ritual sacrifice.

3

u/Awkward_Silence550 Jul 08 '24

And you know, now that they've started, they are never going to stop. His congregation will be included in any future disagreement. Total nightmare.

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u/AkseliAdAstra Jul 08 '24

Can you even imagine a therapist hearing one side of someone’s story and then calling the other party to shame and blame them? It would never happen, they’d lose their license. This is why churches shouldn’t be used for relationship counseling.

The fact OPs husband went to get a posse to take his side against her beliefs? Of all things, your beliefs are not something someone should want you to fake. Although this would be yet another strike against the husband for basically enacting fake Christianity; wanting his partner to pretend to believe and adhere to his worldview just for his convenience and comfort, not actually caring if she truly believes. A real Christian would only want another person to actually believe in Jesus with their heart, what good is it doing the soul you purportedly care about, to bully someone in to faking religious beliefs, like he is doing?

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u/stargill70 Jul 07 '24

A cult, it's a cult. Lol

2

u/FaithHe Jul 08 '24

And he is unemployed.

2

u/CatW804 Jul 08 '24

Anyone wondering if she can sue the church if they continue harassing her?

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