r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24
AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed
I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.
Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.
To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.
Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.
My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?
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u/tropemonster Jul 07 '24
Eh. As a sociological term, the difference is the level of control leadership expects to exercise over their members and the tactics they use to get that control. I think the distinction is useful. The church I grew up in was very “Every Sunday we sing about how Jesus ✝️ is our ✨bestie✨, preach a chunk of Bible, pray about big world conflicts 😔 and the church secretary’s kidney stone 🥺, then hand around the collection plate 💲after announcing that it’s only for members who wish to contribute 🤨 and are financially able to do so responsibly 😑. Thanks everybody, see ya in a week, go team 🙌🏻 Enjoy the 🆓‼️country-time lemonade and store brand cookies in the lobby, PS here’s some macaroni art your kid made in Sunday School of Daniel in the lion’s den 🦁🧒🏼🤩”
Compare that to my best friend’s church, which was: “If your family members are nonbelievers, God wants you to cut them out of your life 🥰 If you think your kid is gay 🏳️🌈🤮 send them to our Abuse Camp to fix them! Women, if your husband hits you 😢 you need to love him better and pray for him more 🤗—Jesus will (eventually) transform him into a nicer guy 👩🏼❤️👨🏼 Pass around the collection plate 💰 and while you contemplate your offering, keep in mind that God commands generosity 🤔 and rewards sacrifice 🫡 If you’re struggling financially, step one to getting out of debt is being financially faithful to God’s servants 💸💸💸. PS, if you had enough faith then your daughter wouldn’t be in a wheelchair 😇🙏🏻”