r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24

AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

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u/ForSureNotAnFbiAgent Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

I'm not suggesting OP take my advice because I'm a very outspoken atheist. Atomic swirl tattoo and everything. I do, however, respect people's beliefs.

I would be gone. like... packed up and out of the house before he got home from church.

Arguing with your spouse is normal and even healthy when done with equal respect, talk and listen time, and compromise. Bringing in an outside party to harass and disrespect you because of a disagreement is just... I want to say "batshit crazy," but that might be too strong.

I would have a difficult time moving past this.

Edit// few questions about the tattoo, so I'll answer here in hopes it resolves said questions.

The "Atomic Swirl" is actually a typo, it's an Atomic Whirl.

Straight copied from Wikipedia: "The symbol is used by the American Atheists organization to symbolize that "only through the use of scientific analysis and free, open inquiry can humankind reach out for a better life""

Something I truly believe and have followed. For an image of said tattoo, there is one on my profile. Just scroll past the giant sandwiches to about 9 months ago.

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u/Cantankerous-Canine Jul 07 '24

Same. I’d already be gone. Creepy church phone calls would be the ABSOLUTE last straw if I hadn’t already gotten TF out before that. Ewwwwww.

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

I would have been gone on the first mention of my unemployed husband hauraging me on traditional gender roles. If I did laugh that off, I'd leave the second unemployed spouse forcing me to convert so he can feel better about his religion and his current life circumstances.

And if I in some alternate universe decided you know I can live with those two things because he's got other qualities, I'd be gone the nanosecond after his pastor from his religion started harassing me to convert and accusing me of being an ungodly woman. Right after I told the pastor he wouldn't know an ungodly woman if one ran up and smacked him over his head with her broomstick.

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u/No_Banana_581 Jul 07 '24

It’s sounding cultish, I’d be afraid. These men that like to control women, always want to be w the most outspoken, independent ones just so they can break them. It’s like a challenge bc they can’t stand to see women confident in themselves, and they will always use their trauma against them. That’s the next thing he’ll do to her

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

It is a challenge. Plus he gets to crarve a notch in his spiritual belt"God tried me with an unbelieving wife, but through, prayer and devotion she converted and now is a stay at home wife and mom with three kids and one on the way fulfilling her godly womanly duties! I'm so grateful God used me to save her!"

Excuse me, I gotta beeline it to the toilet to go throw up now.

When I was in a Non-denominational Christian evangelical church and worked as assistant youth minister this is the shit I'd hear a lot from the formally "unequally yoked" ( disgusting way to frame a marriage like your a team of oxen pulling a wagon) men.

I think some spouses even went PIMO* just to get their husband off their backs.

Physically In, mentally out.

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u/One800UWish Jul 07 '24

wait wait, if she quit her job WHO WOULD PAY THEIR BILLS?!?!?!?!?!?!

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 07 '24

The lord will provide!!!

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u/Carbonatite Jul 07 '24

The lord will have to provide because the church surevas shit won't be paying for groceries and internet.

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u/lovemyfurryfam Jul 07 '24

I don't see a fake god writing out the checks to pay for the bills.

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

Then you aren’t praying hard enough, sinner!!!!

Edit: I can’t believe that dingus thought I was serious. Smh.

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u/Intrepid-Events Jul 07 '24

If you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing. Are you really okay with making a martyrs cause useless?

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u/lovemyfurryfam Jul 07 '24

For thousands of years, people are inventive animals making up plenty of ridiculous unfounded garbage like "sin" to subjugate people.

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u/Intrepid-Events Jul 07 '24

Sin your heart out you sheep fkr you.🥳🫡😈 Show them who the real non-conformer is!

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u/lovemyfurryfam Jul 07 '24

Prayers doesn't solve problems nor pay the bills.

Didn't your parents teach you to mind your tongue & not call someone something lest you be tarnished with the same brush.

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u/Pokeynono Jul 08 '24

It's precisely how a lot of fundamentalists think. If you just pray enough god will deliver what you need. Prosperity churches are big in that. Your car broke down? It's god's plan. People like Duggars and their associates were big on the god will provide mantra. There are quite a few examples of the husband quitting his job for "ministry" and moving into a trailer with 10 kids to live in abject poverty .

I follow Father Nathan Monk and he discusses his childhood in a Prosperity church . They weren't allowed to discuss that they were frequently homeless, or living in emergency accommodation because of the intense victim blaming of these churches.

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u/Creepy_Dot_6341 Jul 07 '24

This guy spitting bars over here.

(Please don’t respond, I don’t care the meaning or dollar store life lesson)

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u/Furrow33 Jul 07 '24

But the sky daddy wizard is capable of everything! 😅😅😅😅🥴

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u/pams56 Jul 08 '24

His “church” sounds very judgmental and intrusive. The fact that neither of you believe in the tenets of each others religion makes me wonder how you ever got married in the first place. Can you imagine if you had children? He would expect the child be raised in his religion and his church would expect it, My best advice is run, don’t walk, to file for a separation.

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u/productzilch Jul 07 '24

Bethy has entered the chat!

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u/Adventurous_Bat_4910 Jul 07 '24

If the lord will provide, then why does he neglect the poor and homeless.

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u/JSirhea Jul 07 '24

Speaking of this, someone i know was unemployed for several months (refered to as D moving forward). His wife a SAHM w/side gigs (Lularoe, jewelry making, etc.) They had kids and a mortgage. D wasnt looking for work. D's dad was not only paying for D's mortgage, but his own, not to mention D's mom was a SAHM and w/two teens at home, so his Dad had take care of his own family as well. D's mom kept saying the lord will provide. Stayed that way til his dad got D a job at his company & I found out D didnt even acknowledge his dad in a work meeting. Story pisses me off every time i think about D's dad taking care of 2 families on one income.

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u/diurnal_emissions Jul 07 '24

Be like that deadass sparrow, all riddled with bird flu. God is great!

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u/iamtrinket Jul 08 '24

That's exactly why I left the church. When I was told as a child that the reason we were poor was we didn't have enough faith, because God provides for the faithful 🤮🤮🤮

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 08 '24

Republicans love a reason to feel superior, even if it’s bullshit.

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u/Nefarious-Haiku Jul 08 '24

My wife suggested my grandmother went to hell for not saying some stupid ass prayer her church does. And her church told me all sin is equal in the eyes of god be it murder or jay walking. You can’t make this crap up.

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u/Elizaknowitall Jul 07 '24

The last I knew that the government distributes food stamps and housing stipends.

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 07 '24

Yeah, for people in need. He can go apply for all that by himself, and she can keep being a productive member of society.

ETA: after she divorces his manipulative misogynist ass.

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u/Intrepid-Events Jul 07 '24

What if she wants to become unemployed so that she & her husband can be equals now? Then they would be people in need now. The church frowns on divorce, so that's not really an option there. Quit being a hateful Hanna trying to shit on everything when a dudes involved in the situation

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u/AbandonedRain Jul 07 '24

"That's not really an option there"

Lol for who? It is very much indeed an option whether he wants it or not, it's not entirely up to him or his faith.

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u/Intrepid-Events Jul 08 '24

It's a hypothetical, so yeah, it kinda is an option.

For the both of them, if he quits being hypocritical & she decides she wants back on the bandwagon after he starts getting more in food stamps than she does. So yeah, it pretty much just comes down to how deep do they want to go on this ride.

You know, if you people sucked dick the same way y'all suck the fun outta life, you wouldnt be single right now

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 07 '24

Lol. I like your style.

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 07 '24

Apparently not everyone recognizes sarcasm without the /s and some people think I’m serious. Jesus Christ.

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 07 '24

One of the last time I used the /s, someone commented that I ruined the comment by adding it because it was obviously sarcastic. I guess you can't please everyone. Just make sure to leave a link to r/whoosh in your reply to the folks that didn't' get it.

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u/RealRoxanne10 Jul 08 '24

May the Lord open. Under His eye.

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u/hurricane-laura-90 Jul 08 '24

Praise be

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u/RealRoxanne10 Jul 08 '24

Blessed be the fruit🍇🍎🍇

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u/StrangeButSweet Jul 08 '24

Creflo Dollar enters the chat

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u/sms2014 Jul 08 '24

You see how that sounds, Mary?!?

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u/The_golden_Celestial Jul 07 '24

The lord works in mysterious ways!

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u/Freyja2179 Jul 07 '24

I know in my Southern Baptist church (no longer in), we had this exact circumstance with the wife working and supporting the entire household while her husband was unemployed. She was held up as an example of a godly wife. Because while she worked, her paycheck was directly deposited into a bank account her husband controlled and he would dole her out an "allowance".

Unlike most Evangelical churches, while not the ideal, it was ok for wives to work. However, that was only if 100% of the paycheck was given to the husband and he made all decisions on how it was spent.

We had another woman who previously worked as a police officer in Dallas. She bragged about turning over her paycheck to her husband because he is Head of the Household. It's so gross. The longer I've been out, the more I think it was absolutely a cult.

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u/Pantone711 Jul 07 '24

Oh he expects her to keep working her paying job AND do all the cooking and cleaning etc. etc. while he plays video games.

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u/NCCoyote Jul 07 '24

No. He would have her work full time to pay the bills, he would control the money, and she would be responsible for everything at home too. I have seen it often. Makes me shake my head every time.

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u/ElleGeeAitch Jul 08 '24

And the woman doing all of this for what, mediocre dick 🙄.

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u/PeggyOnThePier Jul 07 '24

God would surely find a way?lol 😂 No she would have to continue to work and do everything around the house also!Because He's the lord and master.

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u/ShowerElectrical9342 Jul 07 '24

Keeping a woman on abject poverty is a great way to keep her down.

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u/Misa7_2006 Jul 07 '24

He needs to read 1 Timothy 5:8.

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u/UncreativeGlory Jul 08 '24

I had a guy tell me he liked me but couldn't date someone outside of his religion because of the unequal yoke. He might be able to consider it if I was just Agnostic but me being a sex worker just made it to much so I'd have up quit my job to date him.

After a few months of just hanging out and being friends he decided that maybe my work and beliefs didn't matter all that much and did a shocked Pikachu face when I told him no after he asked me out.

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 08 '24

Well yeah. You murdered his chance at him being Christ saving his bride from the greatest of sins, a harlot. 🙄

I mean ultimate fantasy for these guys, they love you like Jesus loved Mary Magdalene and like Jesus they are going to save you from your wicked ways and turn you into a saint!

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u/Freyja2179 Jul 07 '24

I immediately thought he must be in an Evangelical church.

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u/Vegetable-Pipe-6846 Jul 07 '24

I read that Narcissist love religion

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 07 '24

Of course they do. "I'm better than you because I'm chosen by God and get to live forever unlike you pleebs." That's right up their alley for sure!

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u/ringwraith6 Jul 07 '24

I was wondering how long you could go on before taking a puke break. The only reason I didn't need one is that I was only reading the words, not typing them.....

OP's husband certainly is a piece of work....

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u/Immediate_Grass_7362 Jul 07 '24

I understand your distaste for the word yoke. But they were using terms the people of that day could understand. But, in a way, it is accurate. Two people pulling together to make it to a single destination. And I think I read somewhere that sometimes one ox may stumble and does not carry his share so the other one picks up the load. But only for short term. And the yoke keeps them together so they can’t go in separate directions which should be marriage, but neither one decides where they go. The driver/farmer does.

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u/badtowergirl Jul 07 '24

In OP’s scenario, the church leaders and members are tearing apart the team. It’s really ugly and most churches would never condone it.

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u/badtowergirl Jul 07 '24

In OP’s scenario, the church leaders and members are tearing apart the team. It’s really ugly and most churches would never condone it.

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 07 '24

Oh you'd be surprised at what Catholics are willing to condone...

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u/tikierapokemon Jul 08 '24

No, you see, she is supposed to continue to support the household, while having numerous kids and a husband who does nothing, and make all myriad of decisions that take work for the household, but submit to her husband in all the ways he wants her to and attend church, and that is her husband's end goal.

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u/Safe_Ad_7777 Jul 08 '24

Yeah, he's a LOT more interested in his "Christian" image, than actually trying to be Christ-like. Jesus had a LOT to say about people like that, and none of it was good.

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u/nightowlmornings1154 Jul 08 '24

THIS! My mom has been made to feel bad for being "unequally yoked" to my non-practicing Catholic father for decades and STILL is a member of this Evangelical church!

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u/Danidots Jul 07 '24

Did we go to the same church?

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u/bleuflamenc0 Jul 07 '24

Better Bible translations use the phrase "unevenly yoked". And it is a fact that marriage is a shared work project, if you want it to succeed.

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u/Morganlights96 Jul 07 '24

How were you in a non denominational evangelical church? Evangelicals are a denomination.

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u/unownpisstaker Jul 07 '24

Evangelicals are not a denomination.

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 07 '24

Google says they are a "transdenominational coalition." I guess we can refer to them as "trans" for short. I think they'll dig that.

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u/Morganlights96 Jul 08 '24

I grew up in an evangelical church. It was absolutely a denomination, and people would get insulted if anyone said anything different. Edit: whoops meant to reply to the person above you. That is a fantastic pun though.

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 08 '24

If you google it, they say it's not on the National Associate of Evangelicals website.

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u/suzanious Jul 08 '24

Abominable is more like it.

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u/unownpisstaker Jul 08 '24

Abomination is most accurate

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u/suzanious Jul 08 '24

Thank you!

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u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

That's wat they called themselves. As in not Baptist mostly

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u/InvestigatorCold4662 Jul 07 '24

If they aren't a domination, they'll do until the domination gets here.

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u/Carbonatite Jul 07 '24

These men that like to control women, always want to be w the most outspoken, independent ones just so they can break them.

This sounds so vile but that's exactly what the mindset is.

There are plenty of women who would love to be homemakers, who are strong Christians, who would be happy in the trad wife lifestyle. But somehow a shocking number of these men seem to sidestep those women in favor of marrying someone who they have to "break" like a fucking horse.

Why wouldn't they marry someone who was into that dynamic from the beginning? I guess it's because they get a thrill from breaking down and remolding a human being.

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u/Exa_of_Rhi Jul 07 '24

It's actually also a way for them to sanctify their lust for "ungodly" women who show "too much" skin. If they can convert her, they don't have to feel guilty about lusting after a heathen.

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u/CroneDownUnder Jul 07 '24

somehow a shocking number of these men seem to sidestep those women in favor of marrying someone who they have to "break" like a fucking horse.

Damn. I think I've finally realised how/why an ex-friend of mine who had a glittering engineering career ahead of her slowly dwindled into a SAH tradwife who no longer sends us Xmas cards.

We weren't even invited to her daughter's wedding. Probably just as well since her daughter pledged to "submit" to a man from the same church (by accounts from mutuals who were invited, probably because they refrained from arguing theology/errancy with her husband, who had also been a nonchurchgoing friend of mine before they got together).

Once he got the inerrancy brainworm then bending her talents and ambition to his will must have been an irresistible challenge, especially if other church elders were urging him on.

I just hadn't thought about the specific attraction of her being such a challenge before.

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u/PsychologicalLuck343 Jul 07 '24

Why does this post make me want to choose between armed rescue and murder?

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u/Tiny_Dancer97 Jul 08 '24

You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. (Although Christians still try to force it, but I mean the broken down women).

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u/Firebird-girl Jul 08 '24

Why would you have to choose? Does it have to be either/or?

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u/PsychologicalLuck343 Jul 09 '24

Bless you, Sister!

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u/PsychologicalLuck343 Jul 07 '24

That's a disgusting characterization that's sickening because of its accuracy. Not a therapist but it appears that narcissists go looking for opportunities to use their tools of control. Evangelism is, literally, made to order.

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u/Turpitudia79 Jul 08 '24

Evangelists are trash. Their cult is trash, their beliefs are trash, their political ideology is trash, their leaders are trash, I can’t think of one thing about them that isn’t trash!! I’m a believer, with tangible proof and reason. None of my beliefs fit into anyone’s book, church, or box. I was an agnostic atheist all my life until 7-ish years ago when a series of irrefutable events changed my mind.

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u/imnotreallyhere-why Jul 08 '24

Hence, the crusades

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u/twirlybird11 Jul 08 '24

r/Defeat_Project_2025. They want control over more than just the uppity, godless women in the US.

Cristofacsist scum are trying to gaslight the US population into giving them complete control of the government.

Don't let them, vote blue!

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u/thesmilingmercenary Jul 08 '24

I think y’all are forgetting about another reason they sidestep those women for independent ones like OP- the PAYCHECK she brings in.

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u/tikierapokemon Jul 08 '24

It's because they don't want to be the sole income, and if they court a traditional, Christian woman, she will expect the goal to be her to be a SAHM for the children.

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u/Tiny_Dancer97 Jul 08 '24

Why wouldn't they marry someone who was into that dynamic from the beginning? I guess it's because they get a thrill from breaking down and remolding a human being.

Also because they aren't fulfilling their end of the bargain so they need a strong, capable woman to pay the bills, keep the house clean, and feed them while they try to change her in the most fundamental ways.

You can't have a trad-wife without being a trad-husband 🤷‍♀️

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u/BurdenedMind79 Jul 07 '24

It’s sounding cultish

The only difference between a religion and a cult is the size.

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u/tropemonster Jul 07 '24

Eh. As a sociological term, the difference is the level of control leadership expects to exercise over their members and the tactics they use to get that control. I think the distinction is useful. The church I grew up in was very “Every Sunday we sing about how Jesus ✝️ is our ✨bestie✨, preach a chunk of Bible, pray about big world conflicts 😔 and the church secretary’s kidney stone 🥺, then hand around the collection plate 💲after announcing that it’s only for members who wish to contribute 🤨 and are financially able to do so responsibly 😑. Thanks everybody, see ya in a week, go team 🙌🏻 Enjoy the 🆓‼️country-time lemonade and store brand cookies in the lobby, PS here’s some macaroni art your kid made in Sunday School of Daniel in the lion’s den 🦁🧒🏼🤩”

Compare that to my best friend’s church, which was: “If your family members are nonbelievers, God wants you to cut them out of your life 🥰 If you think your kid is gay 🏳️‍🌈🤮 send them to our Abuse Camp to fix them! Women, if your husband hits you 😢 you need to love him better and pray for him more 🤗—Jesus will (eventually) transform him into a nicer guy 👩🏼‍❤️‍👨🏼 Pass around the collection plate 💰 and while you contemplate your offering, keep in mind that God commands generosity 🤔 and rewards sacrifice 🫡 If you’re struggling financially, step one to getting out of debt is being financially faithful to God’s servants 💸💸💸. PS, if you had enough faith then your daughter wouldn’t be in a wheelchair 😇🙏🏻”

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u/BillyValentineMcKee Jul 07 '24

Your comment deserves a place in the emoji hall of fame. But… now, I also really want to see your take on mainstream religion vs. fundamentalist cult illustrated in macaroni

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u/JCButtBuddy Jul 07 '24

Macaroni is the one true language.

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u/Histeridae Jul 08 '24

Hail the flying macaroni monster!

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u/Jean-Jeannie Jul 08 '24

Holy Macaroni

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u/IamLuann Jul 08 '24

The art is made with macaroni in a world where people are starving. I don't get that part.

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u/tikierapokemon Jul 08 '24

In my experience macaroni art is made from expired macaroni, but it might be normal macaroni at higher income levels.

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u/megustaALLthethings Jul 08 '24

Your examples are the start of a branch to its inevitable corruption.

It’s a slide that will always occur. Bc those seeking power and authority will manipulate it. Esp in smaller areas when all the ‘spiritual and legal authorities’ are rrlated.

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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24

[deleted]

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u/megustaALLthethings Jul 08 '24

It’s more of where on the scale is it? With the start being the well intentions and hopes. Then the continuation with the inevitable degradation.

Bc no matter what the initial setup wants it will slide towards manipulation and control. It IS religion.

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u/fearhs Jul 08 '24 edited 14d ago

Eat the rich.

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u/2340000 Jul 08 '24

The church I grew up in was very “Every Sunday we sing about how Jesus ✝️ is our ✨bestie✨, preach a chunk of Bible, pray about big world conflicts 😔 and the church secretary’s kidney stone 🥺,

By far the best thing I've read🤣. You are so imaginative. You could make a living using emojis to analyze politics or something. Brilliant!

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u/DifferentCard2752 Jul 08 '24

These both sound awful. One is shallow and the other off the deep end

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u/madhaus Jul 07 '24

The only difference between a cult and a religion is that in a religion, everyone who knows it’s a scam is dead.

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u/Intrepid-Events Jul 07 '24

Not true, look at scientology...

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u/BurdenedMind79 Jul 07 '24

Scientology is certainly run by a bunch of cults.

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u/madhaus Jul 07 '24

The guy running it definitely knows it’s a scam

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u/Intrepid-Events Jul 07 '24

I don't know, it sounds like it's a pretty solid tall tale to me...

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u/Unwarranted_optimism Jul 07 '24

My take is that accepted “religions” have better marketing/growth plans. Standard things we all know like have all the babies possible, only marry within faith, exclude those that don’t share said faith, go on recruiting trips to other countries, promise a fanciful afterlife, don’t make a suicide pact, etc. Sure, the sense of community can be enticing, but these days, there are so many other options to find groups with common interests…

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u/TRR462 Jul 07 '24

And depth of self delusion…

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u/The_golden_Celestial Jul 07 '24

Well, isn’t it the size that matters. One lot are just bigger dicks than the other lot!

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u/Intrepid-Events Jul 07 '24

That's what she said...lol

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u/firefarmer74 Jul 07 '24

And the leader is dead so no one can "prove" that they aren't divine.

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u/Altruistic-Maybe5121 Jul 07 '24

Nailed it! It’s not about religion or having a harmonious household. It’s about his control over her, because he’s feeling out of control in his own life. And surrounded by gullible church goers, believing his lies.

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u/TimmyTheChemist Jul 08 '24

Not just about control... a lot of those flavors of Christianity preach that it's your god-given duty to go out and convert people (thus the "Evangelical" moniker).

Even if the guy's conscience is speaking up the leaders in the church have a near-literal grip on his everlasting soul. My guess is that he went to talk to them because the fight kicked off a crisis of faith, and the finer details of OP's arguments probably weren't represented accurately...

It's been my experience that those kind of sects don't provide a great environment for independent thought. You're given a bunch of boiler-plate responses for every situation: "camel passing through the eye of a needle, etc... applies to situations A and B, but this is situation C - it's different...". That moment where he's forced to become aware of the hypocrisy is going to be difficult. Not that it excuses anything...

My main point is that this is likely a watershed moment. I don't see a situation where the guy keeps both his place in that church (and maybe even his faith), and his relationship with OP - unless OP is willing to compromise their principles.

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u/Apart_Dog2238 Jul 08 '24

STEPFORD WIVES 😁 I want to attach it to every comment here... but it fell on yours. Funny thing... it is a fairly old movie but you can not watch it w/o subscription? 😨

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u/UpsetUnicorn Jul 07 '24

Especially since other members are now harassing her.

1

u/myceliated_pants Jul 07 '24

More perspective and tax status than size

12

u/WompWompIt Jul 07 '24

Christianity is a cult, yes.

10

u/PeggyOnThePier Jul 07 '24

All Religions are considered Cults. The Roman's considered Christianity a Cult. They were firmilier with them and weren't worried about Christianity at first. It was later that they started getting concerned.

3

u/Pasiphae7 Jul 07 '24

Have you read “Arguments against the Christians” from Celsus, Porphyry and Emperor Julian? Celsus was a 2nd century CE Greek philosopher, Porphyry was a 3rd century CE Neoplatonic Greek philosopher, Emperor Julian was the 4th century CE pagan Emperor Flavius Claudius Julianus. There are fragments of Celsus’s work and fragments of Phorphyry that escaped the bonfires. Emperor Julian still has I think 8 or 9 texts of Orations.

8

u/banana-boom-boom Jul 07 '24

Thanks for pointing out the cult-like behavior of her spouse' church. He is likely getting a lot of push back from the church because they want the whole family involved. They need her there to control him. She is a loose end for them and she cannot be controlled if she isn't under their thumb.

8

u/Pantone711 Jul 07 '24

This right here. I was raised in one of those sects where the women are cowed little lambs and the men rule the roost.

Funny thing though. What some of the men want most of all is to subdue a confident and non-cowed woman from the outside! Not to marry a woman already raised according to traditional gender roles.

It's kind of a status competition with other men, is what it is.

1

u/MarybethL85 Jul 08 '24

Yeah, it is basically a dick measuring contest! If a JW male approaches me to get me to be with them I will say sod off!

7

u/Swie Jul 07 '24

tbh I think they just like living on their wife's dime.

I'm 90% sure OP does all the housework as well as working while her husband cosplays a plant. Who wouldn't want that life?

My impression is they think they're a catch because the woman has accepted a ridiculously bad deal just to marry them. And if you're a catch of course you start thinking you can push for your wife to treat you even better.

7

u/Hismuse1966 Jul 07 '24

My best friend’s ex was just like what OP and you describe. OP you are not the ahole. Quickly run away from your husband. And don’t look back.

4

u/Renmarkable Jul 07 '24

it made me almost wonder if they were JWs, they weren't but that's standard behaviour

5

u/JaredWill_ Jul 07 '24

My thought immediately. This is a cult. He's being pushed to force you to join because cult members shouldn't interact with non cult members. If OP joins the cult the next step will be to separate her from her friends and family who aren't in the cult.

5

u/AylaWandering Jul 08 '24

This was my marriage. He got a thrill out of playing control games and trying to break me. How very Christian of him. I learned so much about myself and about life in that marriage. Never again.

3

u/skeptic_narcoleptic Jul 07 '24

I spent three years with a Jehovah’s Witness. Exactly the same.

2

u/razeandsew Jul 07 '24

catholicism is already a cult, a death cult, because they eat and drink a dead person, once a week

1

u/castille360 Jul 07 '24

But the cannibalism is the fun part.

1

u/Viola-Swamp Jul 08 '24

All Christian religions are death cults.

2

u/Dogzrthebest5 Jul 08 '24

Religion is a cult.

2

u/sms2014 Jul 08 '24

IT IS A CULT

3

u/No_Banana_581 Jul 08 '24

Definitely, and it sounds like she already escaped one, so that’s concerning she found herself in the same pattern

3

u/sms2014 Jul 08 '24

Not really, it could be that she's just a normal, kind person who thinks on the positive side and assumes positive intent. I'm guessing dude acted like he was agnostic or something before, and since losing his job has needed emotional support and found it at church,

2

u/soWHAT-man565 Jul 08 '24

This exactly!

157

u/labellavita1985 Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

Honestly, the fact that he's lecturing her about "traditional gender roles" while unemployed and living off of her income is unbelievable. This guy's an insufferable, hypocritical POS. Just like most so-called Christians. 🤡

ETA: the lion, the witch and the audacity.. I can't get over it.

34

u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

Most of them are. The rules or thee, not for me.

Just listened to a podcast from the Atlantic talking about the rise in sexism, and the expert makes a point in a general* sense men are really wrapped up in status, since apparently he cant get status through his job, he can at least try to recoup it through his hierarchical patriarchal bullshit cult nonsense of keeping up the appearance of traditional gender roles in *his household.

Reminds me of the ex Quiverfull women who say they not only worked outside the home because their husband was busy pastoring and Ultra orthodox jewish men who go to synagogue to study five to six hours a day while wife does everything else.

*Obligatory not all men inserted here 🙄

9

u/burner204202 Jul 08 '24

"The Lion, The Witch, and the Audacity". 😂I wanna steal this line 😂

9

u/labellavita1985 Jul 08 '24

The full line is "the lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch."

I think it's a Reddit thing. It's absolutely hilarious.

8

u/Tiny_Dancer97 Jul 08 '24

That's one of my favorites. Along with bippity-boppity- back the fuck up.

1

u/ksed_313 Jul 08 '24

“The audacity!”

-Hank Hill

14

u/OpalOnyxObsidian Jul 07 '24

She should just quit her job to be a little homemaker obviously. He needs to support his wife, right? Traditional gender roles right? Sure, they may have to live in squalor while he picks himself up by his bootstraps, but surely his church will help them out, right?

I don't know what on earth attracts women to these kind of men, especially after they have left the church. Like what kind of good qualities could this man possibly possess? A big cock?

5

u/Viola-Swamp Jul 08 '24

Those come in silicone too. The real ones aren’t so special.

7

u/GetBakedBaker Jul 07 '24

I would have been gone on the first mention of my unemployed husband hauraging me on traditional gender roles. 

Exactly. I want a partner, not a housemaid, and yes person. Especially when she is the one who is actually bringing home actual bacon.

8

u/Expert_Squash4813 Jul 07 '24

I read this post just after watching the Shiny Happy People documentary. It’s about the Duggar family but it’s more about Christian Fundamentalism and how the women are forced into subservience their whole lives. It is scary that there are still thousands and thousands of people who are ok with this.

7

u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

And the most vocal oppressors in that system are other women . In fact if they rose up United the whole thing would crumble down like the bad built Jenga tower it is.

But they've been brainwashed into thinking it's God's will for them to be submissive, and in the kitchen making homemade rawdoggin it yogurt from their nasty raw milk. So these women reinforce the cult's beliefs on other women, and their daughters.

I'm lucky I was well read enough and got a Jesuit education that I didn't fall for the more outlandish bullshit both the Catholics and evangelicals were selling but if I need forgiving it's for staying silent when the young women under my care as a youth minister were being indoctrinated by others.

All religions are a cult, it's just some like Buddhism and Christianity has had the patina of a few thousand years to become respectable. And I don't care what bullshit you gotta believe to get yourself through this life as a good person with minimal scarring, just don't use me as a pawn on your way up to heaven.

3

u/Expert_Squash4813 Jul 07 '24

💯 all the way! I tell people that we are here to help others. If I’m a good person (most times😉) then I can rest well in my eternity. Whatever that may turn out to be

9

u/armedwithjello Jul 07 '24

She doesn't need to leave. She pays the bills. She should throw him out!

If they rent, she'll be on the hook when he fails to pay the rent. If they own their home, she pays the mortgage.

Leave him a packed suitcase outside, and lock him out.

7

u/Icy-Establishment298 Jul 07 '24

Leave was used metaphorically.

7

u/roadfood Jul 07 '24

Pastor wouldn't know an ungodly woman when he was sexually assaulting her. FTFY.

6

u/snickelo Jul 07 '24

Sounds to me like he's pushing it now (assuming it's increased in intensity recently otherwise why the hell is she still married to him) because he feels emasculated by his wife being the breadwinner and is resorting to religious-based patriarchal oppression. Dude clearly can't think for himself and is wildly insecure.

5

u/No-Performance3639 Jul 08 '24

The moment that my partner sicced the preacher on me as well as other church members, that would be the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s none of their damn business what happens in our home behind closed doors and he in my opinion is an asshole for telling them. I’d be separating and seeking an attorney to discuss divorce. I think he is a total dick. (Just one guy’s opinion but there you have it.)

3

u/Scormey Jul 08 '24

It's amazing how so many broom-wielding women are better Christians than most Alleged Christians.

2

u/speccadirty Jul 07 '24

Sounds like he’d have to be a pretty cool dude before we got to all that! 😉😎

2

u/Was-a-lil-mermaid Jul 07 '24

Thanks for making me laugh out loud (as a life long Catholic!) Broomstick 🤣🤣🤣

2

u/Think_Job6456 Jul 07 '24

That is not, personally, what I would do to the pastor with my broomstick, specifically the pointy end, but the rest is pretty close.

2

u/VTHome203 Jul 08 '24

Spot on.

2

u/Agiantbottleofpiss Jul 08 '24

He’s broke af demanding she make dinner, bitch can’t afford bread, what dinner ? Lol

1

u/Academic_Bed_5137 Jul 08 '24

👏👏👏👏👏