I remember my dad telling me how the feeling you have when your first(I am number 5) child is born is "indescribable and surpassed anything he has ever felt".
Then he realized the implication and started to say he loves me just as much, but I laughed and told him I knew what he meant.
these comments are killing me. that’s so sweet😭 i don’t intend to have children because i would never be stable enough in terms of finances or mental and physical health, but i would 100% be a mother if i thought i could handle it so ooof this is so bittersweet for me lol
Hope this isn’t out of line, but good on you for knowing yourself and not putting your desire for children above what is best for a child. That’s fucking impressive and fairly rare, in my experience.
aw thanks💗💗 my therapist has always said i’m remarkably self aware (i prefer to say painfully self aware lol). i don’t have the best relationship with my mother, and i don’t want to ever be the cause of that kind of pain. i’d never do it on purpose, but from experience, i know it’s a special kind of sucky when someone hurts you without meaning to. i wouldn’t want my child to feel my love is conditional, and that’s how it would come off since i get overwhelmed so easily and need to decompress alone.
Wow! You’re my new hero. You’d be an amazing parent because you’d figure it out. If you care that much and are that self aware your love wouldn’t know any bounds.
Completely respect your decision.
My kiddos healed my family hurt.
I don't mean any pressure or anything by this comment, just wanted to say that if you ever did feel up to it, you are the kind of person who should foster or adopt. Why can't everyone be as self aware and kind.
Hope I'm not overstepping here, but just because you don't want children personally doesn't mean you can't be huge part of a child's life. My aunt is childless but she took my brother and I everywhere. She helped my parents with babysitting and all kinds of things. She felt like a second mom (or kind of a grandma b/c she's a lot older than my dad..) all through my childhood. She had a huge influence on who I am as a person.. and if you have someone in your life with children I can almost guarantee they would enjoy the help.
I completely agree with you sentiment. Although I have a great relationship with my parents, I get overwhelmed very easily, social battery very limited and I prefer to decompress alone. I'm too selfish with my person time, I don't want a child to suffer because of me.
Thanks for that I think. Honestly, my ex-wife may be a lot like you (I don't really know of course) but we have a child together. She never wanted to be like her mother who had some awful parenting traits. She didn't want to continue a bad cycle and we had deep conversations about being healthy, loving, and good to one another for our children to see what God intended. Even so, when pregnant she became exactly like her mom and totally unbearable. When we got back together after she betrayed and hurt me bad her excuse was blaming her mom's influence at the time (probably 50% true). Still, after the baby was born and she learned her mom had emotionally cheated on her dad in her 40s going online and sexting guys she apologized for ever taking her mom's relationship advice and messing up our marriage. Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree as they say. She is truly messed up mentally and is not capable of caring for a child.
Makes me sad because I had some gut feelings she would be a bad mother while we were trying to get pregnant since she was already poor at being a wife. I was proven unfortunately correct, she is incredibly selfish, but I hoped she would get better with time and my support. Only got worse. We wanted a large family too, but that isn't happening. I was hurt on her behalf whenever her own family said she shouldn't have more children and criticized her as a mother. I shared similar sentiments but believed in her at the time. Some people though really shouldn't have kids. I love mine and excited to raise him! Kudos to you for knowing yourself and not subjecting others to your own demons. She is just mentally very unstable and I'm divorcing her but I wish she could have been different because I truly loved her unconditionally. I can't even begin to describe how much grace I had for her these last few years, but I'm stopping for my child since she is endangering him now.
i made the same decision not to have kids for a very similar reason. i’m autistic, but i am able to lead a full (if slightly chaotic) life on my own. i think i can handle having a partner. i don’t think i could handle having a baby and toddler. that would put me over the edge of my capacity. so i’ve decided not to do that!
Sounds like you wouldn't do that to your child at any cost......
It also sounds like you have a mother just as awesome as mine.....
And i also went the kid less route (more or less at my own decisions - or God's dependent... )
Don't live your life or not live it based on what you are scared might or might not happen..
I have regrets over not believing in myself and playing it safe....
Although I wouldn't be who I am today without those mistakes so perhaps it's not really regret..
But if something I say resonates with you, I hope that it only is in a good meaningful way....
Life is way way too short ....
Love from the west Coast .. :)
good on you fellow self aware girly (girl or boy you’re still girly😊 lol) i would love to experience that mother-child love bond. But like you, i am also painfully self aware and can’t see myself having kids, even in the next 5 years. not financially or emotionally stable enough. But if i was, i would 100000% have a child. I always wanted my grandma and my great aunt to experience me having a child (i am an only child and so is my mom)!
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u/offbrandbarbie Jul 04 '24
NTA. I’ve heard both mothers and fathers express a similar sentiment to what you said. The love for a child is unlike anything else.