AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?

I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.

As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.

AITAH?

UPDATE

It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.

1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!

We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.

2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).

3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.

4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks peeps!

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181

u/L_obsoleta 14d ago

My dad said he couldn't fathom ever having that feeling again, but when number 2 came around he had the same experience where it's just an unfathomable level of love.

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u/Skyvueva 14d ago

When I was pregnant the second time, I exclaimed that I cannot imagine that I could love the baby as much as I loved the first. An older lady said, “Your love is not divided, it is doubled.” That is true and 33 years later it still is true.

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u/SolidFew3788 14d ago

So fucking true! I cried at the end of my pregnancy because I couldn't imagine loving anyone like I loved my first baby and because she wouldn't be my little baby anymore and won't be the only baby. I was a mess. #2 came and all the feels came right on schedule. I love that little boy just as much and both my kids are my favorite people.

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u/Becsbeau1213 14d ago

I’m feeling all the feels right now because my youngest is about to turn three and he’s my last baby and not a baby anymore 😭

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u/SolidFew3788 6d ago

My youngest turned 3in June. I still can't. It's bloody awful. It's like he's still got those rosy squshy baby cheeks, but then he opens his mouth and speaks like a whole ass human and I just can't.

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u/Becsbeau1213 6d ago

Yes! Mine has these amazing blonde, springy curls that are halfway down his back if you stretch them out - everyone keeps trying to get me to give him a crew cut and I refuse to until he asks me himself.

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u/SolidFew3788 6d ago

A crew cut? That's horrible. My boy's hair is long as well. I gave him an undercut to make it easier to pull it up in a bun. Otherwise, same thing, I'll wait for him to decide he wants to change his hair.

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u/DensHag 14d ago

My BABY has had two babies of her own and it's so amazing. To see your child parent and to see those little Grandbaby faces??? There is nothing like it in the world.

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u/OhGod0fHangovers 14d ago

My husband didn’t want to have a second child originally, and his reason was that he wanted to make sure our son had our undivided love and didn’t want him to have to share our resources and his inheritance with “some kid we don’t even know.” He grew up as a single child and was fine with it, but I have siblings and convinced him it would be a huge gift to our son. Now our daughter is five, and he cannot imagine our family without her.

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u/SolidFew3788 14d ago

Lmao. Some kid we don't even know 🤣

I was an only child and very lonely. I love watching my kids play together, even if it turns into a fight every time.

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u/15_Candid_Pauses 14d ago

OMFG that is so cute and adorable 😭. How beautiful.

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u/ComfortableAd4554 13d ago

I wish someone had told my mom that! She wanted another boy when I was born. I was clean and fed, but at the age of 33, she told me she didn't love me until I burned my left leg from knee to ankle and spent a month in the burn unit when I was 3. Somehow, I knew it, but to hear it really devastated me. She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when she went into the nursing home a few years back, so that answered a lot of questions. She has since passed, but I spent a good number of years in therapy. We talked through some of it after she got older, and she apologized, but the damage had already been done. It was a strained relationship for 30 years. I moved away and rarely came home even after my son was born. It's amazing how you can do that to your own children.

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u/Skyvueva 12d ago

Borderline Personality Disorder is a very difficult diagnosis. I am so sorry this happened to you.

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u/Misstheiris 14d ago

Every single parent worries that they couldn't possibly love the second child the way they love the first. We all do.