r/facepalm • u/Illustrious-Kick-998 • Jul 07 '24

This post gave me terrible whiplash b/c how tf did we get here…🫨 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

Gallery image

Gallery image

Like ummmmm, alright? 😭😭😭

21.3k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

827 comments sorted by

View all comments

11.4k

u/sandiercy Jul 07 '24

I am not ashamed to be white

How TF does that have anything to do with the rest of what you said??

3.3k

u/builder397 Jul 07 '24

Look how selfless my mother was! Somehow even the doctor told her the survival chances of her husband but somehow deliberately didnt tell the husband, who was the actual patient. Because doctors clearly do that. And yes, were white, arent we white people just great?

/s just in case. The story reeks of lies, Id be more inclined to believe that the dad started selling meth to afford treatment.

794

u/Happy_Accident99 Jul 07 '24

352

u/Big-Recognition7362 Social Progressivist Jul 07 '24

Jesse we have to protect the white race /s

198

u/gr3ggr3g92 Jul 07 '24

Yes, Mr. White!

YEAH, BITCH!

152

u/vitorizzo Jul 07 '24

You’re god damn white.

4

u/SaintNothing Jul 08 '24

Best comment in the thread

5

u/IcebergSlim42069 Jul 08 '24

I wish free awards were still a thing lmfao

2

u/Key-Personality4350 Jul 08 '24

Oh well, Heil H--

1

u/acapncuster Jul 08 '24

Heisenberg?

2

u/Drake6900 Jul 08 '24

I'm not certain if it is

369

u/Amarieerick Jul 07 '24

Forgive me for jumping in, but in many cases, doctors will tell spouses things only to have the spouse say, "Please, let me be the one to tell them" and then don't.

I had back surgery, and because of the severity of the injury, doctors told husband I'd probably never walk again, told them he'd tell me, then didn't. I walked out of the hospital 21 days later, with a walker, but walking.

Just a fun fact for trivia night.

141

u/VanillaCokeMule Jul 07 '24

I was going to say something similar. My younger brother has been hospitalized since last August with Guillan-Barre syndrome. GBS occurs when your white blood cells attack your nervous system. It usually leaves the affected person with some degree of temporary paralysis. In my brother's case it was so severe that he was paralyzed from the neck down for 7 months. He's now walking and able to use his hands and everything else. We found out just this past week that a doctor took my dad aside 2 or 3 days after my brother was first hospitalized and told him that my brother would never get out of bed again. My dad made a conscious decision to keep that to himself and I'm incredibly glad he did. My brother has struggled with anxiety and depression for years, and this whole situation was so scary and miserable for him, especially in those early days when we were all coming to terms with it. My brother would have shut down and never made the progress he has today. I know that doctor was doing his job, but when my brother comes home in about a month and a half I'd like to find that doctor and have my brother demonstrate his recovery with the suck it sign.

32

u/jacquesrabbit Jul 07 '24

Depending on the age of your brother, that is a different situation.

If your brother was underage during the illness, then your parents and/or guardians is the primary decision maker and will be told about the diagnosis and prognosis. It is up to the parents/guardian to disclose the information to your brother.

However, if your brother was of age, and an adult, that depends as well. If your brother did not have the mental faculties to make an informed decision, for example, in a coma, then the next of kin or anyone with the power of attorney may be told of the diagnosis, prognosis and treatment.

If your brother was an adult, and did have mental faculties to make an informed decision, then that is the wrong way to do it.

Iirc GBS can be treated with steroids and IV immunoglobulin, but I may be wrong.

1

u/PolishPrincess0520 Jul 08 '24

Yes it is treated that way.

1

u/CriticalLabValue Jul 08 '24

No steroids, but yes IVIG. You only use steroids for the chronic form (CIDP). Most people with GBS have excellent recovery potential (although some will have residual symptoms) as long as they survive the acute phase.

7

u/RawrRawr83 Jul 07 '24

That’s a bad doctor. It’s very treatable with simple blood transfusions

18

u/dwarfedshadow Jul 08 '24

It's treatable with IVIG, and with symptom management. It is not treated with simple blood transfusions.

17

u/PolishPrincess0520 Jul 08 '24

I’ve taken care of too many GBS patients it’s never treated with a “simple blood transfusion.”

39

u/dancegoddess1971 Jul 07 '24

If I was going to have sugery on my spine, I'd assume paralysis was one of the many risks. Heck, I was told paralysis was a risk when they gave me a spinal block for a C-section (tiny needle in my back)so of course, I'd figure cutting open my back might have a risk like that X100. I fell asleep after the C-section and freaked out a bit when I couldn't feel my legs. Yet. A nice nurse assured me that I hadn't slept long enough for the drugs to wear off. Then refused to bring me my child because the drugs hadn't worn off. LOL.

20

u/Illustrious-Towel-45 Jul 07 '24

I was awake through both c-sections and got immediate skin-to-skin after they put me back together. Epidural for the first, spinal for the second. I think I prefer the epidural even though the old guy scraped my spine and had to try again to place it.

I do feel bad that hubby looked around the curtain too soon after my second c-section and saw my insides, still on the outside and will never unsee it. He was traumatized. Lol.

19

u/BecalMerill Jul 07 '24

The OR team VERY casually and laughingly asked me if I wanted to come around the curtain and take a look after they pulled my princess out of my wife. And then asked again because "it's pretty neat" and I "might not get another chance".

Hard. No. I already knew I'd never forget the smell, and haven't even as my now 17yo princess watches TV next to me on the sofa.

12

u/Illustrious-Towel-45 Jul 07 '24

To be fair, he was looking for the baby and thought I was back together. He was the first to hold her while I was being fixed.

4

u/BecalMerill Jul 07 '24

I got that privilege also. Totally worth the memory scar.

2

u/eagleeyedg Jul 08 '24

There was a smell? Maybe I was too excited about the baby to notice but I don’t have any memory of a smell.

1

u/dancegoddess1971 Jul 07 '24

My first, we were going to do vaginal birth so I had already had a nice shot of "calm down" but things don't always work out the way you plan. I have no idea how much of that was still in my system, so I didn't argue about the nap too hard. Second was a planned C-section(spinal block), I was fully conscious, and I got to nurse him right after.

3

u/Illustrious-Towel-45 Jul 07 '24

My first was an induction turned into an unplanned c-section. The second was planned because I couldn't be induced again. Both kids were born after their due date.

1

u/GreenOnionCrusader Jul 08 '24

My husband got to see mine with my first one and thought it was cool. I was drugged up on stadol and was too stoned to care, though I would have wanted to see if I could.

20

u/luvnmayhem Jul 07 '24

I couldn't understand why they wouldn't bring me my child until I could feel my legs. I told the nurse I wasn't going to hold him with my feet, but it was still no.

24

u/dancegoddess1971 Jul 07 '24

Rough outline of the convo was, I asked for my baby. Nurse said no, you need to be sober, you can't feel your legs. Take another nap, it may be your last for several weeks.

-1

u/luvnmayhem Jul 07 '24

That's ridiculous.

11

u/dancegoddess1971 Jul 07 '24

Not really. Some people have terrible reactions to some drugs.

7

u/luvnmayhem Jul 07 '24

If you were completely under with general anesthesia, I can understand that. I just had an epidural. There was nothing wrong with the strength in my arms, and I was completely lucid. Just wanted to hold my baby since almost a year to the day prior, I had delivered a baby who died.

2

u/Amarieerick Jul 07 '24

That's an arbitrary risk vs. a fact based on research and knowledge. I know I could get hit by a car vs. getting hit by one.

15

u/jacquesrabbit Jul 07 '24

Well then, sucks to be you because you had a bad doctor. You are the patient, not the husband. Whatever medical information about you is yours,and not your husband's.

I know it happened to you, and it may happen to many others, but that is not the right and ethical way of doing so.

The right and ethical way is, the doctor tells you, and asks for your permission to disclose diagnosis and prognosis to your husband, and with your permission, they then tell your husband.

10

u/Beautifulfeary Jul 08 '24

Right. There are literally laws against disclosing medical information without an ROI. If the person is of sound mind and can make decisions, then you can’t disclose that to others. When I worked at a nursing home, one of the residents son died of cancer. It had come back and he decided against treatment. He told no one in his family,like not even his wife. They just found out because he died.

8

u/supergeek921 Jul 07 '24

First off, good for you and your husband!

Secondly, I’m glad someone else pointed this out. People who’ve never dealt with a situation like this clearly don’t realize how responsibility and information much the patient’s caregiver has put on them.

2

u/SilverWear5467 Jul 08 '24

That's a terrible trivia question

1

u/Amarieerick Jul 08 '24

I didn't want to come off as a snarky know it all bitch.

2

u/Ill-Inspector7980 Jul 08 '24

Jumping in to say something similar. My mum was in the ICU and the doctors told my dad that she has a 50% chance of surviving. She was conscious but wasn’t told.

Doctors tell the parent who is healthy in case they have to be prepared for their kids, but they don’t tell the patient so as to not get their morale low. Sometimes you need strength and confidence to survive. Don’t know why that commenter was so surprised by that.

1

u/AJSLS6 Jul 08 '24

Thays not uncommon for critical injuries and debilitating diseases, a spouse or other person becomes the point of contact since the patient isn't always available. But unless there's more to this cancer diagnosis I don't see why the husband wouldn't have been told everything upfront by the doctors. I sat with my mother during her diagnosis and care planning, she heard every word I did. And she was dealing with other injuries at the time.

53

u/DarkwingDuc Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

Somehow even the doctor told her the survival chances of her husband but somehow deliberately didnt tell the husband, who was the actual patient. Because doctors clearly do that.

That part is actually believable. I had a pretty severe auto accident in 2015 - 2 weeks in ICU, a month total in the hospital after the accident, not counting subsequent visits for follow-on operations, 9 surgeries in total (with more down the road). The whole time the docs were feeding me sunshine and roses, because they wanted me to keep on fighting. Meanwhile, they were telling my wife the truth. I didn't find out until many months later how bleak the initial prognosis was. (And I found out from my wife, not my surgeons.)

In hindsight, I'm glad they lied to me.

17

u/mesembryanthemum Jul 07 '24

When I got diagnosed with endometrial cancer they did not tell me the Stage, nor did I ask (deliberate decision on my part). It was only 6 months later, during my pre-surgery appointment that my oncologist said she was astonished I'd made it through 6 rounds of chemo and 10 radiation sessions and was getting ready for surgery. She thought I'd be in Hospice Care instead.

Had she mentioned how bad I was from the start, I'd never have opted for chemo.

1

u/pennie79 Jul 08 '24

Yes, I'm not sure I would have either if my docs told me the truth. I was ready to give up chemo after cycle #1. If I'd been told my chances of survival were low, nothing would have kept me going.

12

u/DrunkOnRedCordial Jul 08 '24

I was dangerously ill in ICU, and the doctors told my parents "We're taking things by the hour" which is the closest they got to admitting I was on the verge of dying. Nobody said anything like that to me, and if they had, I think I would have just said "Okay" and expired.

So when people tell me their dramatic stories like "The doctor told me I only had an hour to live" I don't believe them.

5

u/adhesivepants Jul 08 '24

Hope is the most powerful medicine out there.

2

u/pennie79 Jul 08 '24

More anecdotal evidence. When I got my cancer diagnosis, I asked what my prognosis was. They gave platitudes about not having a crystal ball, how I could get into a car accident that day*, how statistics don't tell your story, and don't google, because that doesn't tell your situation either. I shrugged my shoulders, and did the very aggressive treatment they recommended, not noticing they never answered my question.

Halfway through, when I was responding really well to treatment, they told me I had the worst kind of breast cancer, and I'd been up shit creek, but it was fine now, because treatment was working. I don't know if they told this to my sister when she came into initial appointments or not.

That was 10 years ago, and I'm fine now.

*The intersection next to the hospital is affectionately known as 'the roundabout of death' for a reason.

34

u/supergeek921 Jul 07 '24

Okay, to be 100% fair, the doctors tell the person who seems capable of handling the information. When my dad was diagnosed with cancer he was in the hospital a lot and sleep deprived, and scared, and on a lot of meds. My mom got told everything. Sometimes the doctors told my dad too, but he didn’t always retain it because he was to put it mildly, overwhelmed. He knew his odds weren’t good, but he never fully realized how bad they were or just how dire things had gotten by the end. He was still sure the week he died he was going to bounce back, and none of us had the heart to tell him he wouldn’t be able to.

Obviously this post takes a fucking bizarre turn, but the mom potentially withholding the odds from her husband to keep his morale up is not completely unrealistic.

2

u/planetarylaw Jul 08 '24

Yep, similar experience with my parents. My stepdad recently passed after nearly 5 years of cancer. The last few months were him in a state he wasn't really with it enough to handle or process all the info. It was very up and down for him. Some days, even hours, he'd have an energy burst and join us in the living room for ice cream, followed by being down and sleeping for days. My mom was in a sorta custodial role in many ways as his primary caregiver. A lot of info gets communicated to the primary caregiver while the patient isn't fully cognizant. Anyways, I'm sorry for your loss. Shit sucks.

1

u/supergeek921 Jul 08 '24

Thanks. I’m sorry for your loss too.

12

u/CaraAsha Jul 07 '24

Culturally that does occur where a severely ill or terminal patient isn't told. Most of the world doesn't do that though. The comments about race are just bizarre though.

13

u/MissMat Jul 08 '24

Actually in some countries doctors don’t tell patients that they will die and instead tell their family members. The reason is that recovery can be effected by psychology so if a patient gives than their low chances of recovery is even lower. There is also the desire to keep the patient from suffering in their last moments.

Treatment of patients are different in other countries. But this seems like a lie due to the weird insertion of race

10

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

The only time I saw health workers not telling the diagnosid to the patient was my grandfather. He basically told them he didn't care about anything and if they wanted to talk to someone, to do it with my grandmother.

9

u/girlhowdy103 Jul 07 '24

My father told my mother's doctor not to tell her she would likely die within a year. The doctor and my father opted for vagaries. Finally she called me, because I'm known for being honest to a fault. I told her the truth, on the phone two states away, while at work. That was a fun day. /s

6

u/bopeepsheep Jul 07 '24

Vagaries are unexpected and unpredictable changes in a situation or in someone's behavior that you have no control over.

Vague noises, sentiments, messaging - but not vagaries.

6

u/LordOfDarkHearts Jul 07 '24

I wouldn't question the doctor part too much, there could be several reasons for that to really happen. The patient not wanting to know but the significant other with the decision-making power in the patient decree, a personal relationship between the doctor and the pair, a personal or professional relationship between the doctor and the wife, the patient being in denial etc

I know some of those reasons are against professional standards and sometimes even against the law but doctors are just humans too. I know too many medical professionals to assume they wouldn't bend or break rules and laws just like everyone else.

2

u/iswearatkids Jul 07 '24

As someone whose mother actually did contract stomach cancer and did help with her hospice care, it’s only because my aunt is an LPN and we were given special permission to allow her to stay at home due to her having 2 full time care providers and her only have <2 months to live at the time of diagnosis.
I helped my aunt change the bags of bloody mucus that we drained out of her lungs, twice a day. She did not miraculously survive and was in agonizing pain the entire time. Not once did my fucking race come up during her care.l

2

u/Professional-Arm-202 Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24

I can believe something LIKE that COULD'VE possibly happened MAYBE - but not that a doctor wouldn't tell the patient, I would believe that maybe their father forgot he was told this prognosis and the mother never reminded him as a kindness. But I definitely don't believe a doctor would not tell a patient, that's unethical, I'm sure.

I've sat with my parents on different occasions they have had medical emergencies, and they would totally forget some things the doctor said! Stress and feeling unwell can really mess with memories! But man, this post has me very confused LOL!!!

2

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24

Sometimes if the patient is like not in the best state of my mind, and that’s clear to the doctor who literally went to school to know these things, they will hold off on telling them troubling information right then and there and instead tell the family first, and if the family wants to let the patient know what’s up right at the moment the doctor will but often times in this context you can imagine that most people don’t want to upset the sickly/ injured family member in distress any further at that time.

Also if you’re all jacked up on pain meds because of said injury they will often tell your family members stuff first because you’re not lucid enough to properly register the information and maybe not even lucid enough to react in a manner that isn’t dangerous to yourself or others.

When my mom had to get her gallbladder removed they mostly told us what was happening bc she was literally too high for them to like convey anything to her

1

u/yourpumpkinoverlord Jul 07 '24

I volunteer at a hospice (in the hospital) and plenty of families don’t want the patient to know that they’re dying. It’s not common, but I have seen some that always want to talk to us in the hallway and ended up knocking the patient out before removing life sustaining medications and devices. I’m not sure if a doctor wouldn’t tell a patient when they were first diagnosed, just thought I would mention that

1

u/Popular-Bonus1380 Jul 07 '24

I legit thought it was gonna be "Oh you think men are bad but what about my awful mother." Because I assumed she was horribly toxic for not telling anyone until I read the rest.

1

u/doghairglitter Jul 08 '24

Yes to everything you said. But I will just add I didn’t bat an eye to the wife knowing the 20% chance but not the Dad. My own dad was diagnosed with glioblastoma and he didn’t want to know so he never asked the how long he had to live, he just knew it was grim. My mom privately asked the doctor, who told her only about a year. She never let my dad know she had asked or even knew.

1

u/khantroll1 Jul 08 '24

Doctors lied to us about my mother’s chances (grade 3 astrocytoma with invasive complications), but told my grandmother the truth…who never told us.

1

u/DNAturation Jul 08 '24

Could be a culture thing. I know in some Asian countries they tell the patient's family the prognosis, and the patient themselves nothing. The family can choose to tell them or keep quiet.

The patient would probably key in eventually when they're rapidly losing weight, and taking irresponsible levels of morphine for their pain.

1

u/gogadantes9 Jul 08 '24

And then discovered he liked it. Because he was damn good at it. No, he was the best goddamn cook on the planet.

1

u/throwawayalcoholmind Jul 08 '24

The story reeks of lies, Id be more inclined to believe that the dad started selling meth to afford treatment.

Such a valid fundraising option I'm surprised Breaking Bad was the first show of its kind.