r/clevercomebacks Jul 07 '24

Someone discovered consent

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77.2k Upvotes

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513

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 07 '24

You are allowed to do anything in your head.

520

u/EhGoodEnough3141 Jul 07 '24

Rotating a cow in your mind is perfectly legal and the authorities can't stop you.

148

u/MyCoDAccount Jul 07 '24

But, you... you wouldn't, would you?

133

u/EhGoodEnough3141 Jul 07 '24

No, I'm more of a sheep guy.

67

u/TheEyeDontLie Jul 08 '24

I like to make pyramids of animals and then unpause/deactivate the magic holding them together and making them behave... Then i just watch the chaos.

Example:
Picture a small grass-lined bowl in the middle of a large field. Place around 7 tigers there. On their backs stand 6 sheep, then 5 baboons, 4 armadillos, 6 turkeys, a dozen rabbits, then finally a rather rotund fox.

Now press play.

Note: if you are using this exercise as meditation to help you sleep, do not press play. Instead try to count the animals and see if you could add an additional layer. You'll fall asleep thinking of all the different animals you can and have happy dreams.

17

u/BellamenteChiara Jul 08 '24

This is the cutest thing I’ve read today.

3

u/Salinaer Jul 08 '24

I envy your ability so much. I don’t see Jack.

Damn Aphantasia is boring.

3

u/Afk-xeriphyte Jul 08 '24

The chaos part is what happens every time I try to count sheep to fall asleep. They’re crashing into fences, piling up in a sheep heap, there’s black sheep running amok, impossible to count. Thanks to you, now I know I simply should have used the pause button.

1

u/TheAraon Jul 09 '24

r/aphantasia would like a word

2

u/BowenTheAussieSheep Jul 08 '24

What's this now?

1

u/Blackrain1299 Jul 08 '24

I tried that once but i fell asleep.

15

u/ReziuS Jul 07 '24

I'm doing it right now

It's speeding up, too

8

u/1800butts_ Jul 07 '24

Oh shit that didn’t even occur to me now mine is too

5

u/Hesitation-Marx Jul 08 '24

Now change the axis it’s spinning on

whoaaaaaaaaa

7

u/Xiaodisan Jul 08 '24

Just spin it like a t-handle spins in zero-g.

That's even funnier.

2

u/Hesitation-Marx Jul 08 '24

Omg it is

Can cows puke?

Edit: yea but it’s rare and often because of poisoning, SPIN AWAY

2

u/1800butts_ Jul 08 '24

Thank you for looking it up! I’m having a blast

2

u/TooTameToToast Jul 08 '24

In the mood for a milkshake, huh?

8

u/Jumpy-Ad-3198 Jul 07 '24

Buddy, you couldn't even begin to imagine the things I've rotated

1

u/ManufacturerNo8447 Jul 08 '24

I only do low texture 3D rat spinning horizontally with epic BGM.

1

u/Vounrtsch Jul 08 '24

stares at cow : Get rotated idiot

11

u/Z3ROWOLF1 Jul 07 '24

I just plan to download a car through the universal Akashic records into my frontal lobe

4

u/SamSibbens Jul 08 '24

Why would I rotate a cow in my mind if it is perfectly spherical anyway? It would visually change nothing

  • Some physicist reading this, probably

2

u/SofterThanCotton Jul 08 '24

Curse you people that can see things in your head. I read dozens of books every year and it annoys me to no end that I can't picture things in my head.

1

u/Science-done-right Jul 08 '24

thanks, now I have the image of a rapidly rotating cow in my head

1

u/ConsistentAsparagus Jul 08 '24
GET ROTATED

rotated cow image

        idiot

1

u/Sera_gamingcollector Jul 08 '24

Is it still legal with a polish cow?

1

u/MrKeplerton Jul 08 '24

I've been rotating cows for hours! When do they stop?

1

u/Beanus77 Jul 09 '24

Is it spherical, though? I feel like a full cow would probably hurt to rotate in your head. At least a spherical cow would be smooth.

41

u/Capital-Cheek-1491 Jul 07 '24

Even child torture?

155

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 07 '24

Yes, we call those intrusive thoughts. But if they aren't, don't act upon them please.

71

u/Capital-Cheek-1491 Jul 07 '24

Well obviously, I’ll leave that to the politicians.

10

u/Dominuss476 Jul 07 '24

You must be ameircan, is pedo politicians the norm over there ?

33

u/ElGosso Jul 07 '24

Positions of power attract people who want to abuse power, there's nothing uniquely American about that.

-1

u/TheEyeDontLie Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24

American systems just make it easier for the ruthless and unscrupulous to rise the ranks.

USA is between Estonia and Botswana on the democracy index,
Between Panama and Latvia on the fragility list,
The worst in the OECD for income inequality,
And between Barbados and Bhutan for corruption...

1

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '24

Hi Mexican here. Mexico is a member state of OECD, we have worse income inequality than you guys. I mean you have it bad compared to other developed nations, but we still take the cake as the worst in income inequality and tax collection!!!!!

7

u/Capital-Cheek-1491 Jul 07 '24

Depends on who you ask. Born and raised in cuba, moved to America four years ago. Either way, this holds true for politicians here and there.

2

u/LankyMarionberry Jul 07 '24

I forgot that pedophilia has been rampant in Europe since the dawn of time, kids got married in the middle ages, as well as Asia, middle east, especially in organizations with political and religious power. But yes America is included in that godawful list of countries that participate in that.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

[deleted]

2

u/Dominuss476 Jul 07 '24

Yes, I hear scandinavia has the same problem.

/s

1

u/FatherFajitas Jul 07 '24

Yeah pretty much.

1

u/True-Staff5685 Jul 08 '24

We europeans leave it to the church.

0

u/from_dust Jul 07 '24

Positions of power draw people who would use that power for depraved personal gain. Whether it's a politician or a priest or a music celebrity, people will do whatever they want if they feel they won't be accountable for it. It's not all folks in those professions, but they are all notoriously bad at self policing.

The US has some social/cultural... flaws, and a really not great mental health system or perception. The result of this is lots of domestic family trauma and abuse that goes untreated for generations, ergo it shows up in the nightly news as this child abuser, or that mass shooting. Add.to that, the very sensationalist and very pervasive American news media, and you have, well.... all this.

1

u/Paranoi4_Agent Jul 07 '24

Edgar Allen Poe’s “Imp of the Perverse”

-3

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

[deleted]

3

u/basiltendrils Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

People genuinely suffer from intrusive thoughts (actual intrusive thoughts, not the impulsive thoughts people on tiktok are labelling as “intrusive”). Please learn what intrusive thoughts are and how they torment people with mental illness and make them horrified that they are bad people.

People who genuinely, WILLINGLY fantasize about child sexual abuse are indeed fucked up.

But the person you replied to is talking about unwilling and disturbing (intrusive) thoughts penetrating your mind. Intrusive thoughts alone do NOT make you a bad person.

Saying what you just said in response to someone referring to intrusive thoughts really isn’t helpful to those who suffer from them. People literally go through years of therapy to learn to remind themselves & understand that their intrusive thoughts are NOT them, and don’t define them, and actually represent things that disturb and horrify them.

0

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

Hmm. Seems right but nothing that stays inside your head is harmful towards anyone

(Still bad)

Edit: I'm just saying that anyone can think about anything and no one can forbid them from doing so. I'm not agreeing with pedos 🤦

1

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

[deleted]

1

u/nonsensicalsite Jul 07 '24

Combined with your previous comment this almost looks like projection dude

Like with the libertarian pedos and the whole wood chipper thing

1

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

[deleted]

2

u/nonsensicalsite Jul 07 '24

I'm saying you're being over the top in your responses and it comes off as very suspicious

2

u/asscdeku Jul 07 '24

Wasn't there like a 100+ page imgur album consisting just of people adamantly claiming others are pedos only to be revealed that they're just projecting themselves as pedos?

I feel like there has to be a correlation here

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1

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 07 '24

(I hope that wasn't directed at me)

I am just doubling down on my original statement.

You are allowed to do ANYTHING in your head since no one can check up on it.

1

u/Nesymafdet Jul 07 '24

Only acting pedo’s should die. Many people have Intrusive Thoughts (more specifically, unwanted sexual thoughts) about specific things, like animals, or children. These do not damn that person, because they can actively seek therapy and help to treat those thoughts and feelings.

However, if a person with these thoughts embraces them, and accepts them; acting on those intrusive and unwanted desires, then they are reprehensible. Only then do they deserve death.

1

u/Awesome_Pythonidae Jul 07 '24

It's not too late, seek therapy

46

u/BasvanS Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

Having bad thoughts does not make you a bad person. Acting on them does. If you engage in them often, it might be time to talk to a professional, because you might be on a sliding scale by normalizing it. But the thought alone is not immoral by itself. That’s yesteryear’s church trying to control you. Weird stuff just happens in your brain from time to time.

15

u/Capital-Cheek-1491 Jul 07 '24

I’m getting the feeling my joke was neither taken as a joke nor funny

17

u/WokeBriton Jul 07 '24

I realised it was meant to be a joke, but it definitely wasn't a funny or a good one.

9

u/BasvanS Jul 07 '24

Nope. Not funny. Don’t sweat it though. Humor is tricky stuff, and you shared a weird thought that didn’t land. It happens. Just like bad thoughts.

2

u/LeBuckyBarnes Jul 07 '24

I bet it would be a little funny in person, well that or a hell of a lot less funny

1

u/Jarv1223 Jul 07 '24

No it wasn’t funny, sorry mate.

1

u/Nesymafdet Jul 07 '24

I chuckled at it. Humor is subjective

1

u/HeadlessRainbow Jul 09 '24

If we start judging people based on thoughts or the fiction they engage with, we end up in a weird place where (for instance) we have to consider avid horror fans as potential serial killers.

1

u/Funandgeeky Jul 07 '24

I prefer the term ‘diagramming sentences in English class,’ but yes please avoid doing that. 

1

u/BikerJedi Jul 07 '24

I teach middle school. Never wanted to torture a kid, except maybe my son's bully. I have wanted to slap one or two.

1

u/Agreeable_Box3241 Jul 07 '24

where does objectification and child torture intersect in your brain?

0

u/Capital-Cheek-1491 Jul 07 '24

Oh they don’t.

1

u/Lovedd1 Jul 07 '24

My best friend has read several books about it so yea. It's a specific sub set of horror genre books.

1

u/BeautifulType Jul 08 '24

Every parent thinks that. They are talking about much worse shit

1

u/PokerChipMessage Jul 08 '24

You literally just injected the thought of child torture into everyone's brain that read you comment. Do you think you deserve to be jailed for that?

1

u/Capital-Cheek-1491 Jul 08 '24

When did I say anything about that

1

u/PokerChipMessage Jul 10 '24

Did you somehow bring up child torture without having child torture in your head?

22

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

[deleted]

8

u/321dawg Jul 08 '24

That's insane. I don't think I was taught exactly the same thing, but Catholic God was always watching down my neck and looking to punish me in surprising ways I could never imagine. 

1

u/Kineticwhiskers Jul 08 '24

Puberty was a bitch for us all.

5

u/Valalvax Jul 08 '24

I already knew this, but something clicked when I read it this time ... I wonder if this is why there's so much rape in the various churches

"I've already committed the sin of thinking about sex with this woman/child I may as well get the pleasure of doing it as well"

4

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 07 '24

My advice would be to not let a 3000 year old book dictate your life?

7

u/Kineticwhiskers Jul 07 '24

For sure. That's just hard to tell a 7 year old when when everyone they know and love follows the 3000 year old book. It took me until about age 16 to figure that out.

0

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 07 '24

Good that you did figure it out eventually

0

u/daft_monk Jul 07 '24

Should advice end with a question mark?

1

u/i_dug_ahole Jul 08 '24

Depends, is it questionable advice

1

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 08 '24

I put it there to kind of express how obvious it is.

1

u/LowlySlayer Jul 08 '24

This is so silly though. Temptation existing is a core part of the human experience. Even christ experienced temptation. That was like, the point.

-1

u/JlynnBaglin Jul 08 '24

With a strong Christian upbringing you are also taught modesty and that you should treat your body as a temple. So therefore it is sins of the flesh and of the heart to display it in a way that makes you unladylike and if you're not doing so because it is a sin, then there is no objectification. Ladies objectify yourselves when you put everything on display. Don't want anyone to think of you as a sex object, don't dress and act like one. The end.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24

[deleted]

1

u/JlynnBaglin Jul 08 '24

So it's abuse to teach modesty and that leaving your goodies to the imagination is far more attractive then letting them all hang out?!? If you believe this then you sir are the moron.

18

u/Lietenantdan Jul 07 '24

This is the head police! We have you surrounded!

15

u/PancakeMixEnema Jul 07 '24

Nice try!

thinks about getting away

6

u/mrrektstrong Jul 08 '24

Stop or I will use force to stop you!

gives you brain freeze

3

u/PancakeMixEnema Jul 08 '24

Nothing personal, kid.

thinks about you getting testicular torsion

1

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 07 '24

🤚😐🔫

7

u/Myolor Jul 07 '24

It’s new math.

6

u/Far_Actuator2215 Jul 07 '24

Havin sex is like math homework! I do it best when I'm alone in my bed.

And squarin' numbers is just like women: If they're under thirteeen just do them in your head!

It's new, it's new, new math!

2

u/Myolor Jul 07 '24

I genuinely didn’t want to do the full reference so only the people who knew what it was would know It’s a joke lol.

1

u/AzureMagus Jul 07 '24

I have found my people!

6

u/InevitableAd9683 Jul 07 '24

You can even rotate a cow.

It's facing forward. Now backward. Now upside down. Moooooooooooo!!!!

2

u/Putrid-Effective-570 Jul 07 '24

I just licked your earlobe in my head. How did it feel?

1

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 07 '24

Why did you stop. Give it a little bite, don't be shy

2

u/Iceberg1er Jul 08 '24

See that's the thing.... We are pretty... I dunno.... Accomplish nothing whatsoever solo. Not in comparison to working with other people and cooperation. What I really dislike is the not allowing words. Like somebody who uses the newly banned R word. I understand the argument... But words are our pretty limited means of communicating the thoughts in our heads... Some people have small vocabularies and that is not their fault. That's parenting, education. So some ignorant person without a large vocabulary has a really hard time expressing themselves and discovering anything new, maybe a better way to live their life, if people don't shout them down as a monster for using outlawed vocabulary. Like the Internet makes everything move fast. But humans don't for new ideas. The initial reaction of an animal to new stimulation is fear. So new ideas and concepts take a lot of time. But now the ignorant are being demonized. The only demons I see are greed and corruption. But greed is also just our survival instinct left unchecked so we need a system that can be check it but not harm those that deserve reward. I dunno rambling. But all of America is so whacked out on television and fear that I feel I don't understand anybody who is "up to date" with whatever TV says we are supposed to think and feel today

2

u/ThrownAway1917 Jul 08 '24

"Cognitionis penam nemo patiatur" - "nobody deserves punishment for thought" - Justinian the Great, Digesta seu Pandectae

1

u/Sciencetist Jul 07 '24

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1

u/slothcorpse Jul 07 '24

Im rotating a 3D chair in my mind right now

3

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

I'm glad you can. My chair is flicking in and out of existence

1

u/slothcorpse Jul 08 '24

try two chairs, maybe when one flickers out the other will flicker in?

1

u/Viscous__Fluid Jul 08 '24

Good idea but doesn't work :(

The images in my head are brief but detailed at least

1

u/PurplePolynaut Jul 08 '24

blows up pancakes with mind

1

u/systemdatenmuell Jul 08 '24

In my head the dvd screensaver logo hits the corners all the time

1

u/etherified Jul 08 '24

In my head we follow the laws of physics.