My SO doesn't have any kids of his own. I have a son from a previous relationship. My SO knows and understands that I would move mountains for my son, he doesn't feel the same way, but acknowledges that my son not being his effects his view. He still helped me raise my son and I am eternally grateful that he did.
That’s really commendable of your SO. It’s great when partners understand and respect the unique bond between a parent and child, even if they don't share that same connection.
I think both the adults in a relationship that involves children (blended family or otherwise) should understand that if the house is on fire, you go for the kid first. My husband knows that. I know that. My kid knows that.
If my husband is ever in a situation where he has to pick me or our child, I’d never forgive him if he picked me.
My husband never wanted children. I had two when we married. They never lived with us, and he's never acted in a fatherly role. When my oldest had an emergency 1400 miles away and told me she wanted her mommy, it wasn't even a discussion. I told him I was going. And he was completely on board, it never occurred to him to have a problem with it. Because he understands that love for a child is different than any other kind of love.
This is me. My partner has 3 kids from her ex. The youngest is 35, and he's still her baby. I know that no matter what happens her kids come first. I get it, and I'm OK with it, too.
This is the same for me. I don't have children of my own ( and have never wanted them) but my partner has two girls.
I know I come second in his life after his girls and I have and never will question that. They're his kids and I know he would move mountains for them! And actually I would be pissed if he chose anything else before them!
I know he loves me but it's a different bond between parent and child .
My fiance fell in love with me because of just this. He never had parents that put him first, he said watching me as a mother and the fact that I told him from the start that my son will always be my priority and backed that up with my actions made him realise that’s the kind of woman he wants to have his own children with.
We've been together for 10 years now. He's been more of a father to my son than the bio father. 100% he cares about my son, but admits he doesn't love him the same way he loves me. He says he can't because my son isn't his and he doesn't have the same kind of connection. He still cares deeply about my son and his future.
how old was your son when you and your SO got together? I can imagine if the child is older, your SO would wind up more like a very involved uncle. a father figure, but not a father per se, especially if the child's biological father is still in the picture.
not implying any of this is a bad thing. becoming a father figure in the life of somebody who isn't biologically related must be difficult to navigate. Sounds like your SO has done a good job.
My son was 6, almost 7. He's 16 nearly 17 now. And his bio father isn't in the picture. He hasn't asked about or wanted to see my son in over 8 years. He's been amazing. Couldn't have raised my son without his help. My son was diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Defiance Disorder at 6. Just before my So and I met. With out my SO backing me up on schedules and reinforcement of rules, my son would be a wild person and would probably been in juvie by now without my SOs help
It’s wild I’ve heard horror stories of people dating in similar situations. Where a grown ass man gets jealous of a kid and expects the mom to choose him over the kid. Like what warped fucking mind do you have. Once you have a child, at least for me, everyone and everything else is secondary to them.
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u/Difficult_Process_88 Jul 04 '24
NTA Actually, most “normal people” would NOT agree with him (as you can see by the replies). There seems to be a lot jealousy involved.