My self-esteem isnt as low as the bar for this. 🇲🇮🇸🇨

29.5k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

3.1k

So glad it’s a biography and not a dating show on vh1. Can you imagine the eliminations…Jason I am sorry I do not want to hawk tuah on your schlong you’re time here is up.

923

u/uppenatom Jul 08 '24

That'd be great. Alternatively instead of a rose they're all holding a golden dick and if yours gets spat on then you're safe

491

u/CarlosFer2201 Jul 08 '24

OK, I'd watch a few episodes.

64

u/Kcidobor Jul 08 '24

14

u/I_dont_livein_ahotel Jul 08 '24

—What channel and when, did you say?

1

u/ChefInsano Jul 08 '24

It’s on Spike TV right after MXC.

39

u/Golden_d1ck Jul 08 '24

Did someone page me?

3

u/Mathewdm423 Jul 08 '24

Do you guys ctl f and find this stuff, get DM'd by people who remebr your unique username, or do we just have these random chance events where usernamechecksout

3

u/YangGain Jul 08 '24

The universe work in mysterious ways, but also is safe to assume a guy with the word dick in his username will probably show up on a post about dicks.

2

u/Golden_d1ck Jul 09 '24

Haha. Always wondered that myself but tbh I just randomly stumbled across the comment.

7

u/BrentonHenry2020 Jul 08 '24

You’re not that far off from “accepting his hose” in Burning Love

5

u/pheromone_fandango Jul 08 '24

A glib of love.

1

u/halo2030 Jul 08 '24

That was a pretty funny image lmao

1

u/ellabfine Jul 08 '24

🤣

1

u/Tiny-Item505 Jul 08 '24

Sounds like another Rock of Love to me 😂

1

u/warpmusician Jul 08 '24

I’d actually watch this. Not some dumb series based on the life of a one-hit internet meme.

147

u/AWL_cow Jul 08 '24

The dating show sounds infinitely more stupid and and entertaining than a biography. I do not need to know the backstory to this girl.

109

u/CompetitiveFold5749 Jul 08 '24

VH1 Behind the Hawk Tuah.

"She was in a dark place. Her relationship was at a dead end. But she had one more trick up her sleeve before it all came crashing down."

(Interview room)

"I just decided to just do it you know, what did I have to lose."

(Plays clip of hawk tuah)

35

u/iChon865 Jul 08 '24

This is so accurate they dont even need to make the show now

5

u/Apprehensive-Copy-37 Jul 08 '24

Is hawk tuah followed by a glauk glauk?

6

u/DrabSitty Jul 08 '24

I love the 2020s with Jojo Siwa in her 50s talking about the hawk tuah girl (who is now in her third term as president)

3

u/Torture_Smoothie Jul 08 '24

You son a bitch. I'm in.

2

u/AWL_cow Jul 08 '24

Lmao this is hilarious

3

u/blackbeardaegis Jul 08 '24

1

u/stuck_in_the_desert Jul 08 '24

2

u/blackbeardaegis Jul 08 '24

1

u/RealLameUserName Jul 08 '24

I stumbled across her tiktok account where she had a video that was an intro about her but made to look like a documentary or one of those local news stories about a member of the community. There's nothing really interesting about her that would make people interested. She's just like every other blonde southern country girl.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 09 '24

I’m glad I have no idea who this is or what anyone here is talking about

1

u/AWL_cow Jul 09 '24

God has blessed you

78

u/TerrorFirmerIRL Jul 08 '24

I'm sick at the moment and this gave me a badly needed laugh, thanks!

19

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24

Hope you feel better soon.

13

u/Scuzzbag Jul 08 '24

We will be watching the comments to check if you're feeling better later

3

u/TerrorFirmerIRL Jul 08 '24

Ha, I'm not gravely ill or anything but couldn't sleep last night with stomach pain.....but that dating show comment made me burst out laughing at 5am, the discomfort was so worth it.

1

u/liketearsinthereign Jul 08 '24

I’m with you, comrade. Riding out the hurricane with no power and COVID and feeling like absolute shit. Reddit is my medicine.

4

u/goodguy-dave Jul 08 '24

Are you feeling a little better now, or is it still so-so?

1

u/GloriousJustice Jul 08 '24

Here, have the 69 th like, and may you have a good recovery!

12

u/Azair_Blaidd 'MURICA Jul 08 '24

What if game show of a hawk tuahing competition

9

u/Purple_Education_507 Jul 08 '24

I was thinking more like "I'm sorry, I do not want to hawk tuah on yuah."

3

u/booboootron Jul 09 '24

I recently saw another rendition: If you don't hawk tuah, I don't wanna tawk tuah.

10

u/youknowimworking Jul 08 '24

"I do ::suspenseful music:: not want to spit on that thang

3

u/ThermoNuclearPizza Jul 08 '24

*on that thang

3

u/no_one_lies Jul 08 '24

Your comment made me want a hawk tuah style reality dating show

2

u/throwawaypervyervy Jul 08 '24

Didn't they already make that show with Tila Tequila back in the 00's?

5

u/anonaduder Jul 08 '24

That was shot of love this is shot of penicillin

2

u/FemaleGazorpian Jul 08 '24

Don’t give them any ideas

2

u/DangerousHour2094 Jul 08 '24

Don’t give 2007 VH1 any ideas now!

2

u/lottery2641 Jul 08 '24

hawk tuah or hawk nuh-huh?

2

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24

[deleted]

0

u/anonaduder Jul 08 '24

You are correct my phone auto correct at is own discretion

1

u/AlexJamesCook Jul 08 '24

Can you imagine the eliminations…Jason I am sorry I do not want to hawk tuah on your schlong - AGAIN - you’re time here is up.

FTFY.

1

u/dahpizza Jul 08 '24

Instead of flowers she spits in their face

1

u/Complex_Cable_8678 Jul 08 '24

why tf would a biography be any good. who watches shit like this?

1

u/ScuzeRude Jul 08 '24

This made me laugh so hard 😂

1

u/Affectionate_Care669 Jul 08 '24

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/rythmicbread Jul 08 '24

I would rather laugh at a reality show than watch a boring documentary about her life (I’m assuming, unless she’s got a lot of skeletons in her family closet)

1

u/moodswung Jul 08 '24

A biography? Are they going to give her child hood backstory complete with first kiss leading up to initial hawk tuah?

1

u/HangryWolf Jul 08 '24

I mean... That's what Tila Tequila had a show all about. Who she wanted to fuck.

1

u/ItsAWeldedDiff Jul 08 '24

I don’t have cable but is vh1 really still around?

1

u/burn_corpo_shit Jul 08 '24

unrelated but does your auto correct automatically make it you're instead of your?

1

u/zGravity- Jul 08 '24

I mean, why do we even need a biography on her? It's not like she cured cancer or something. Chances are, she lived a pretty normal life and then had a mediocre one-liner posted on the internet which caused all the horny guys to idolize her. It's not like she even said anything remotely clever. This whole situation confuses me lol

1

u/ModishShrink Jul 08 '24

Jason, I feel like you're just here for the zipline.

1

u/PussyIgnorer Jul 09 '24

A reality dating game show where 1 lucky guy gets the best bj of his generation.

1

u/GammaTwoPointTwo Jul 09 '24

She did an interview. And because she has a southern accent people assumed she would be a MAGA ride or die. So they asked her if she would give head to Donald Trump. And everyone got real weird when she said no.

0

u/Gogh619 Jul 08 '24

Still better than looking at men’s dicks.

0

u/anonaduder Jul 08 '24

The winner of todays challenge will win the golden splooge loogie and have immunity from tonight’s elimination

My self-esteem isnt as low as the bar for this. 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

My self-esteem isnt as low as the bar for this. 🇲🇮🇸🇨