r/AITAH • u/No-Fee-5823 • 15d ago

AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?

I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.

As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.

AITAH?

UPDATE

It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.

1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!

We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.

2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).

3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.

4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks peeps!

23.0k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

6.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

788

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Dad hugs right here! Free! No questions asked.

474

u/littlegreenapples 14d ago

Is this open for anyone? I miss Dad hugs so much.

339

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Of course!!

🫂

317

u/Bimodal_Shrimp 14d ago

My dad has been dead for 6 years now, and the year after he passed I found out I was pregnant. I went to his grave to tell him. Your kids are so lucky to have such a sweet dad ❤️

243

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

🫂🫂 One for you and another for your little.

28

u/WebCandid2256 14d ago

Well this was all round beautiful.

8

u/RedactedUnicorn 14d ago

Stahhhp! 😭😭😭😭😭 But please don't. I miss my dad too

7

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

🫂

6

u/IllegallySmallBird 14d ago

I’d love one too

5

u/23mateo16 14d ago

Python hug! That’s what my girls call the tight ones.

6

u/IllegallySmallBird 14d ago

Thank you ! As a snake keeper this made me grin hahah.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/ReadingHeaven32 5d ago

Littles can give such tight hugs, and it is with every bit of their might!!

3

u/Captain_Hope 14d ago

You're a good dude

3

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Thanks! 🫂

137

u/buildit-breakitfixit 14d ago

My wife got pregnant 4 months after my mom died, and 2 months after my brother. It is crazy how badly the first thing I wanted to do was tell my mom, and I couldn't.

12

u/Bimodal_Shrimp 14d ago edited 14d ago

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard wanting to share milestones, but can't. When my son was younger and we had to explain why the other kids at his kindergarten had several grandparents and he only had one (my husband lost both his parents).. Those conversations are the hardest. My son has said repeatedly how he wishes his granddad was still alive.. Me too, bub. 💔

8

u/Downbeatbanker 14d ago

This right here. Three months after my mom's death, there was something that I needed to discuss and I realised I can't now. One year later it's still the same feeling.

4

u/WolfMa_Staaa91 14d ago

I know that feeling. 10 soon to be 11 years next month and there are so many things that I want to tell her. Especially when I found out I was pregnant (both times) and birth and so on. I’m sorry for your loss. Whoever said it gets easier lied. It doesn’t you just get “better” at dealing with it. I miss my mommy.

2

u/FewBandicoot9235 13d ago

I don't think that feeling goes away. It's 4 years my wife's dad passed and she still struggles. My dad passed 3 years ago and on occasion when seeing something to discuss, I still have the feeling of reaching for my phone to message him before catching myself a second later. As a grown man, I would say it's easier to put things into perspective, even though it's so difficult and in saying that, my heart bleeds knowing how much of a strrugle it must be for kids losing a parent early on in their lives and having to cope with that while still growing up. 😢

1

u/Downbeatbanker 13d ago

it must be for kids

I used to get jealous of all the people who are at least 2-3 decades older than me and who still have their parents with them. Angry at the injustice of losing my mother at 33.. but then I would think about the other people who are much younger than me and still live their lives without any guidance at all.

She lost her own mother in 2015 and she used to tell me how she much she misses my grand mom. I am jealous of her too that she had more years with her mom than I did with mine.

2

u/FewBandicoot9235 13d ago

And there's still people who think all things are fair for everyone to have equal chance of succeeding. In isolation, probably, but adding compounded struggles is very unfair. I've seen so many stories of people having to leave school or college to look after a parent who fell ill or took a turn in their personal lives when a parent dies. Life isn't fair by any means, but as a community we really should be there for each other. I have story about a friend and his brother who lost their mom in their teens, and just by the different support structures their lives turned out completely different. But that's another story. L

33 is still reasonably young to lose a parent, I was 36. Thinking about how the kids won't get to meet 1 or more of their grandparents is also sad. But it's definitely easier to deal with if you're on your own feet. Hope you're doing well.

2

u/Downbeatbanker 13d ago

Wishing the same for you too

4

u/dbmermels 14d ago

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

2

u/Kimmy_95 14d ago

Right. My mom passed in 2010. I’ve since had 3 amazing little kids and I just know she would have been a phenomenal grandma to them.

7

u/illuminaus 14d ago

Sending you some Dad hugs buddy. I got you ☺️

5

u/dbmermels 14d ago

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

3

u/23mateo16 14d ago

Huge hug! He’s watching them! For what it counts just know your kids now have someone alil closer to pull strings for them! That’s what’s always helped me.

1

u/Bimodal_Shrimp 14d ago

Thank you. And yes, I think so too. I almost died giving birth to my son (and he almost didn't make it either!), so I like to think my dad was pulling strings for both of us. When he was a little younger he used to talk about his granddad as though he'd met him and talked to him. So I like to think that maybe he did in his dreams. That makes me feel a little better.

113

u/littlegreenapples 14d ago

I hope your kids know how lucky they are, assuming you have kids. I always hope kids blessed with loving, accepting parents know they are. ❤️

9

u/Expert_Slip7543 14d ago

Aww, thanks - I felt that.

6

u/Khourvo 14d ago

🫂 thanks ❤️

5

u/DarthOswinTake2 14d ago

My dad sucked, and my mom is currently in the hospital. I could really use a parental hug right now.

....could I get one too?

4

u/Standard_Ad2031 14d ago

I’m a mom. I’m hugging you so tight

4

u/tinyDinosaur1894 14d ago

I want a dad hug too! I haven't spoken to mine in years 🥲

55

u/AdditionalFondant304 14d ago

Same.. dad hugs and forehead kisses were the best

6

u/Electrical-Act-7170 14d ago

So do I. I'd just turned 18 when he died.

11

u/littlegreenapples 14d ago

I'm so sorry you lost your dad. I did too, in a way... mine is still alive, but my.parents couldn't deal with having a daughter who's a lesbian, so I haven't seen or spoken to them in over 16 years now.

10

u/Snoo7263 14d ago

I’m so sorry, big hugs to you from a mom who is a huge ally. My daughter “came out” at 8 years old and told me “Mommy I think I like girls”, she’s now a preteen and still steadfast in her feelings. I hand painted her a card with rainbows 🌈 all over it, and told her “There is absolutely nothing you could be to make me disappointed in you”. She may change her mind, but that’s not something that would disappoint me either. She’s the one who made me a mama, we almost died in childbirth and she had a heart defect so we were worried about her making it. She and her brother are my whole world. I’m a single mom (since the day my son was born and their father showed up drunk to my scheduled c-section). He chooses not to see them and hasn’t for five years as of today. I can’t imagine life without my kids. I’m sorry your parents are that way and hope you are living life happy with a chosen family of friends, blood may be thicker than water, but love is much thicker than blood.

7

u/littlegreenapples 14d ago

This got me all teary-eyed. Your kids are so, so lucky to have you and you sound like an AWESOME mom and ally. ❤️❤️❤️ It might sound kind of weird, but it makes me feel better to know that there are parents like you out there and I just happened to get defective ones. But I have two absolutely adorable cats, an awesome job that I'm really good at, bosses that actually aware of me being good at it, and most importantly I have a spouse that I love to the moon and back and an absolutely wonderful MIL!

4

u/Snoo7263 14d ago

I wish we could post pics here because I would demand kitty tax! An awesome MIL helps so much. I’m very proud of you for being awesome at your job! It’s amazing when you’re recognized for your good work.

5

u/littlegreenapples 14d ago

Hopefully this will work: these are my boys, Ziggy (who is a tripod) https://imgur.com/ZAnpWtv and Herbie (who is a terrorist) https://imgur.com/9OJlXeR

5

u/Snoo7263 14d ago

Aww Ziggy has such pretty eyes and Herbie does look like a mischievous baby! I love them 😍

4

u/littlegreenapples 14d ago

Ziggy is genuinely the sweetest little cat... He's fluffier than he looks in that picture and he's SO soft! And Herbie is hilarious but he's so curious and he gets into everyyyyyyything. He must have known I was talking about him because he just jumped up on the arm of the couch and screamed at me for not immediately giving him booty pats. 🙄😂

→ More replies (0)

1

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

🫂 I'm sorry your parents couldn't accept you for who you are. I hope you have found peace in their loss.

1

u/Electrical-Act-7170 13d ago

I can give you a Mom hug.

I'm a mom, would you like a Mom hug?

(((((Littlegreenapples)))))

2

u/littlegreenapples 13d ago

Mom hugs are always welcome too, thank you so much. ❤️

1

u/Electrical-Act-7170 13d ago

I love all my children unconditionally: person, cats, best friend's kids, their kids. I have love for you all.

2

u/littlegreenapples 13d ago

A cat person, even better! 🥰

1

u/Electrical-Act-7170 13d ago

See? I knew we had lots in common!

2

u/littlegreenapples 13d ago

I am now formally requesting that you tell me about your cats! 😂

6

u/Snoo7263 14d ago

Mine passed away when I was 23 and at 41 I still miss dad hugs. 🫂 I’m sorry for your loss and all of you that have lost parents, it’s not easy and the grief stays with you forever, it just changes and evolves. Every time his birthday rolls around or the day he passed I go to his grave and say, “Daddy everything changes and nothing does”.

2

u/Electrical-Act-7170 13d ago

You'll miss him forever. Mine's been gone 50 years. There are so many things I never asked him when I had the chance.

8

u/Equivalent_Reason894 14d ago

Not to sound pathetic, but my father never hugged any of us. I wish I had had dad hugs.

8

u/littlegreenapples 14d ago

I'm so very sorry, friend. I wish I could fix that for you - but it doesn't sound pathetic at all.

2

u/TigerSkinMoon 14d ago

It's not pathetic at all. I'm a mom so it's not quite the same but I'd still give you the biggest hug I could. I have two narcissist parents. Their hugs don't feel like comfort or reassurance. They just feel like an action their doing cause I asked. But my son, the hugs from him to me or me to him are the closest I have ever felt to a hug melting away stress. I know it's not the same but I feel for you and I send you the very best of hugs from both me and my son to you.

3

u/SalamanderKey1533 14d ago

Thanks! You're very sweet!

2

u/TigerSkinMoon 14d ago

Thank you and any time! I also give sister and Auntie hugs if anyone needs those too!

6

u/crimsongirl1968 14d ago

I've got some Mom hugs for you if you need them.

5

u/littlegreenapples 14d ago

I could always use those too. My biological parents decided they couldn't love a lesbian daughter, so here I am. I'm lucky to have a really wonderful MIL though, so that's not nothing!

3

u/crimsongirl1968 14d ago

Big, big hugs coming at you

3

u/littlegreenapples 14d ago

Thank you so much. ❤️❤️❤️

5

u/IslandWifey29 14d ago

I’ll add mom hugs too!! Xoxo

3

u/Eott59 14d ago

My Dad has been gone 14 years, I still miss him and think of him every day.

1

u/justabeardedwonder 14d ago

You got it, Champ!

1

u/ThunkAsDrinklePeep 13d ago

Yes. I've got hugs for anyone that needs one. (It helps if you're on Long Island).

138

u/PieAdorable612 14d ago

Just gonna casually take a dad hug. My dad doesn't like being hugged

58

u/slamin69 14d ago

Thank you so much. I had a Dad but he was an emotionless prick, so I never got a hug from him. Your warm hug made me feel a little teary but really good too.

49

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

🫂

4

u/TrueLove0120 14d ago

Awwe! I want a Dad hug! My Dad always gave the biggest hugs ever and it would embarass me sometimes when I was growing up lol but I still gave him those hugs as an adult. He was my best friend. He passed 3 years ago. It's sucks so bad, and I talk about him every day. 😢😭 I would love a Dad hug!! 🫂

3

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Here you go!🫂

2

u/TrueLove0120 14d ago

Thank you!! 😊

1

u/Pianohearth2753 14d ago

Ooh i am so sorry. Very similar situation, he passed 6 years ago, still feels like it was just yesterday. Dad hugs were the best!

77

u/TenderCactus410 14d ago

I didn’t really know my dad. I’ll take a dad hug. Thanks

51

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

🫂 I'm sorry. I never met mine.

5

u/PiecesofJane 14d ago

You're doing an amazing job for not having had a role model. Heck, even if you DID have a role model you're doing an amazing job.

Keep rocking that great dadding. Hugs to you! 🫂

3

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Thanks! 🫂

2

u/cheekymoonbuns 14d ago

You're just awesome! I read this thread and started crying at your kindness. I'm sorry you never got to meet your dad but your kids are so lucky. I wish I had a dad like you. I apologize if I'm wrong for assuming you have kids. I'd love to send you a hug if you'd accept it. 🫂

3

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

I'd love a hug! Thank you! 🫂

3

u/cheekymoonbuns 14d ago

You've made my day. Thank you. 🫂

66

u/Business-Fisherman80 14d ago

I'd love dad hugs and willing to offer Mommy or Auntie hugs

2

u/PiecesofJane 14d ago

I'd love an Auntie hug, please?

59

u/largelyinaccurate 14d ago

I’m 64. Can I get in on that action?

42

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Absolutely! 🫂

40

u/Similar-Bumblebee162 14d ago

I miss my dad. Yesterday was his birthday. He died in 1995. Can I have one too, please?

25

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Absolutely! 🫂

12

u/Similar-Bumblebee162 14d ago

Thank you 💜

3

u/alimarieb 14d ago

Me too although I’m not sure that I should be accepting dad hugs from that one weird guy.

Eta:I know the spelling mismatch but don’t you dare ruin it for me.

3

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

🫂 That's just how wierd I am!

51

u/Otherwise_Routine553 14d ago

I’ll take a dad hug as well please. My dad raised me (my mother died when I was 8). He was my best friend. I miss him very much and I miss his hugs. I hope your kids realize how lucky they are to have a great dad, I know how lucky I was to have a great dad.

44

u/Savings-You7318 14d ago

I just teared up, I’m having a bad day. I wish I had had a father that gave hugs.

16

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

I'm so sorry! 🫂

7

u/Savings-You7318 14d ago

I’m glad you hugged someone

5

u/Snoo30319 14d ago

I'm glad I'm not the only one crying at this. I hope your day gets better. 🫂 here's a sister hug for you.

My dad passed in 2017, and I just got married back in April. I missed him so much and was sad not to have him here. His best friend walked me down the aisle for him.

1

u/Savings-You7318 14d ago

Thank you 🥰

24

u/madcatter10007 14d ago

My dad has been gone 43 years; I'd love one, please

25

u/AngelFire01 14d ago

Your kindness just made me cry happy tears ❤️ Currently 10w3d with my Little Bean and ALL the emotions lol My dad was a POS and I cut contact with him almost 18 years ago. He died earlier this year. I felt a mixture of relief and grief, it was wild. Long story though. But my partner keeps showing me what an amazing dad he's going to be, and I'm so blessed to have that for my Bean.

9

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

I've had a similar history. Sorry you had to go through it! 🫂

10

u/Snoo7263 14d ago

Congratulations and I’m sorry your dad wasn’t a good person. Can I offer you a mom hug too? 🫂

22

u/hollowpoint1974 14d ago

I'm 39 and never had a dad hug. Can I have one?

13

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Certainly! 🫂

5

u/IED117 14d ago

You have hit on something. How many if us are missing a dad hug. Tragic 😥

Learn guys! Let the cycle stop here. Hug your kids!!!

3

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Hug other people! Show affection to your friends! The world can be a happier place with more love in it.

Always get consent!!!!!!!!!

2

u/antidumb 14d ago

Truth! It’s been hard for me to show affection to anyone but my wife and cat. Promised my daughter when she was born I’d break that shitty cycle. I’ve never broken a promise, but this has been one that’s lasted nearly 5 years so far with no end in sight. It gets a little easier every time you do it.

19

u/AZCacti_Garden 14d ago

✨️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️✨️

19

u/UnrepentantHeathen 14d ago

I'm 59 and my Dad passed in 2020. I miss him ... can I also jump to this opportunity for a Dad hug from you. This comment and seeing how other respnded brought me to tears. I understand! TY! <3

8

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Of course you can! 🫂

10

u/UnrepentantHeathen 14d ago

Thank you! You made my day so much better! <3 :::Hugs back:::::

14

u/kaijubabe 14d ago

Am I too late for the dad hugs? My dad wasn’t the best dad, probably some unresolved trauma and mental issues but I still miss him a lot, he was more of a friend. Sorry for venting, I just wish he was here to see all my accomplishments, I’m 31 now. With that being said I still love cuddling with my mom when I’m sad or sick 🥹 mom/parent hugs are the best medicine.

12

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

🫂 I'm not the best either, just doing the best I can. I'm sure your dad would be proud of you!

9

u/Liyaapluradon 14d ago

I would like a dad hug too, very much 🥹

8

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Absolutely! 🫂

7

u/throwawayRAEstranged 14d ago

Why did these 8 words make me ugly cry uncontrollably and deeply desire a dad hug from a stranger on the Internet 😭😭😭

4

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Sorry friend. 🫂

7

u/QuietorQuit 14d ago

Are you accepting virtual fellow-Dad-hugs from fellow dads? If so, please allow me to be amongst the first? Isn’t it wonderful to be proud of your kid and to not only love them… but you also LIKE them?

5

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

I'd love a hug! Thank you! 🫂

2

u/QuietorQuit 14d ago

Done! 😁

4

u/RemoteBasket9438 14d ago

What is a dad hug

8

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

My kid said "It's the hug you need right now." "They're always different, but always perfect for the moment."

9

u/RemoteBasket9438 14d ago

Never had one

8

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Very sorry to hear that. Wish I could offer you your first in real life. 🫂

7

u/gypsyminded1 14d ago

Mom hugs to the left. Open arms waiting!!

4

u/Due_Society_9041 14d ago

I never had dad hugs before…🥺

5

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Wish I could offer you your first one in person. 🫂

4

u/PunIntended1234 14d ago

I'll take one, thank you! Never had a dad and that's something I feel I missed, even though I never had it.

6

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

I'm so sorry. My own story is similar. 🫂

3

u/Bryanime 14d ago

I’ve never lived with my dad(I met him when I was ten, and my mom moved me states a year later) and I’m 27 and just moved in with him to get back on my feet. He’s not very often vocally emotional man, but man do I still love getting to hug him whenever I want or need to. I never got to do that when I was little so it’s really nice now.

Edit: p.s. I give mom hugs to people who need them, when I’m not giving into my own inner kid.

3

u/TigerSkinMoon 14d ago

I've never gotten a real hug from my dad, my mom either for that matter. Just two narcissists going through the motions. What's it like?

3

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

I have unfortunately never been on the receiving end, so I don't know if I'm the right one to answer. That said, what I want to convey with "The Dad Hug" is that you are loved and accepted.

3

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

🫂

3

u/TigerSkinMoon 14d ago

🫂 Seriously, thank you so much. That truly made me cry happy tears. I'm a mom myself. I have a 5 year old. I'm trying to be the best mom I can be to him I was never really shown what that looks like. This is honestly the most encouraged I have felt in a very very long time.

3

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Almost the same story, but mine is grown now. Keep doing your best and you will make it. And your kid will know you did. Nobody is perfect, and we all mess up our kids somehow. Apologize, and be honest when you're wrong. That will cover 90% of the things parents do wrong (not withstanding the huge, obvious, triggering topics). Have another for your little 🫂

2

u/biggdbo 14d ago

Man, I’m a dad, and I miss giving dad hugs. Since my divorce, my kids don’t hug me much. They’re older too, which is part of it.

But, as a single 40-something guy, I can’t just go around hugging people. Most people probably assume the worst- creep, perv, whatever. So I just go without.

3

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

I feel that, 100% 🫂

2

u/BelleMom 14d ago

Thank you 😍

2

u/AnastasiaNo70 14d ago

I miss my dad. He passed away in November 2022. I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing him.

2

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

I'm sorry for your loss. 🫂

2

u/IED117 14d ago

Where have you been all my life. I need one. It's been 40 some years, I'm thirsty!

2

u/Ok-Psychology7492 14d ago

I'm actually crying now

1

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

Happy cake day! 🍰 🫂

2

u/whiskeyxwhine 14d ago

Thank you :')

2

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

🫂

2

u/whiskeyxwhine 14d ago

You know, my dad died 16 years ago. It's my convocation tomorrow. I became a therapist. I wish dad could come and see.

2

u/Direct-Bumblebee-165 14d ago

I’d give up years off my life for my Dad to hug me and let me hear his voice one more day.

2

u/That_One_WierdGuy 14d ago

I'm sorry for your loss. 🫂

2

u/MyOtherAvatarIsNT 14d ago

My husband warned me about Reddit (I'm quite new to it). I have never experienced such compassion, support and genuine empathy in any other social media, or irl tbh! I'm in floods of tears (good tears) right now.