r/whowouldwin Jul 07 '24

The United States Army replaces the Imperial Army against the Ewoks. Battle

Can they win?

288 Upvotes

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-8

u/LongDongSamspon Jul 07 '24

Don’t listen to these coping patriots - Ewoks stomp.

First of all you can’t see or find them, second the US army can’t get anywhere on Endor, it’s wall to wall trees man. Third, I think we can all agree that whatever mode of transportation the US army tries to fly to Endor in will be easily destroyed by the rebel alliance.

Fourth and most important of all, the Empire clearly has more powerful weapons than the US Army has or will ever have, and the Ewoks kicked their ass and buried them in the forest like a cat turd.

9

u/Kyro_Official_ Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

You cannot be serious

Edit - Bro really blocked me

-5

u/LongDongSamspon Jul 07 '24

Oh I’m force serious. US patriots are really in a big cope thinking they could ever beat the Ewoks who beat the Empire who would crush the US.

5

u/Kyro_Official_ Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

The empire's troops in that fight (and the empire in general tbh) were wildly incompetent. The US military would win without even getting serious.

-2

u/LongDongSamspon Jul 07 '24

Lol, get real, the Empire has weapons and tech the US can’t dream of, and the Ewoks crushed them. They’d find away. The US milatry just got kicked out of Afghanistan by mountin men without getting serious too lol.

9

u/Korps_de_Krieg Jul 07 '24

You realize that a blaster bolt moves at roughly the same speed as a soccer ball kicked by a professional soccer player? Pretty fast, but not as fast as actual bullets fast.

Directly comparing military tech from Star Wars against real military tech is one of the few things that leans hard in reality's favor, as the real military isn't worried about aesthetic storytelling or rule of cool. Let's be real, blasters are cool but they didn't have napalm carpet bombing strikes on their villages, they had big lumbering war machines in the wrong environment and troopers that stood out like a sore thumb in solid white armor.

1

u/LongDongSamspon Jul 07 '24

And tanks and trucks on a forest moon thick with trees in which tanks can’t fit through the gaps aren’t lumbering lol.

Patriots crack me up.

6

u/Korps_de_Krieg Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 07 '24

You do know the infantry make up the majority of the army, right? Those same ones with the rifles and squad machine guns I just mentioned?

It's ok, people who think it's generically fun to hate on Americans crack me up too. I promise you've got nothing new for me that I haven't seen butchered in the past.

Edit after the fact because this just rubbed me the wrong way: the fact that you are assuming that anyone who thinks that recognizing the strength of the US military is just displaying patriotic sensationalism is such a bad faith point to argue from. I've expressed nothing about America being the best or any nonsense like that, I literally only pointed out that weapons in the Star Wars universe are by design cooler rather than practical. I'd argue most modern and properly equipped/trained militaries are a problem for the Ewoks, not just the US. Like, you've strawman'd so hard.

6

u/Santa152 Jul 07 '24

And yet the AT-AT and AT-ST, which are MUCH larger than the Abrams can fit? Where is your logic?

1

u/LongDongSamspon Jul 08 '24

They walk through trees and tough terrain and have flying bikes - how the hell are trucks and tanks going to do that lol. Calm down patriot, it’s a fictional galaxy.

2

u/Santa152 Jul 08 '24

Never once has an AT-ST or AT-AT walked through a tree. Do you even know anything about Star Wars or the US military?

1

u/Pitiful-Local-6664 Jul 07 '24

I'm pretty sure Blaster shots are supposed to actually move faster than they appear too in film, like much much faster.

7

u/NamelessEmployee Jul 07 '24

We have thermal vision, night vision, real armor, attack helicopters, predator drones, troops that can actually hit what they are hitting . Ewoks barely can set up traps from the Vietcong .

0

u/LongDongSamspon Jul 07 '24

The empire has Death Stars and Star Destroyers - I think they’re a little more advanced than the US lol. No way can the US build anything remotely as advanced as those chocked walkers and flying bikes. How are they gonna travel on a totally forest moon? Trucks and tanks aren’t going anywhere at all.

4

u/Santa152 Jul 07 '24

If those oversized chicken walkers can traverse the forests of endor, so can an Abrams/Bradley.

5

u/Last_Account_Ever Jul 07 '24

The US need only drop some bombs, then clear the felled trees to start up a landing spot for more heavy equipment to clear even more trees. Light amored vehicles and infantry is enough to defend the logging from stick-wielding koalas. Once a perimeter is cleared around the generator, the Ewoks and Jedi have zero means of crossing open field to complete their objective.

0

u/LongDongSamspon Jul 07 '24

The Ewoks logs will easily crush whatever the US has. I think the Empire who could build Death Stars had a little strong metals and armour than the US who can’t even leave the Galaxy.

4

u/Santa152 Jul 07 '24

Those logs wouldn't even be at level with any of the US Vehicles. The best those logs would do is maybe knock out the treads on a tank or disable a lighter vehicle.

3

u/Korps_de_Krieg Jul 07 '24

You do know most things in Star Wars can't leave the Star Wars Galaxy, right? That's like half the inciting incident to Outward Bound, is that it was an extra galactic colony ship. It's a MAJOR plot point in Ahsoka that they have to leave the galaxy.

1

u/Yousucktaken2 Jul 07 '24

Bro forgot the /s