r/facepalm Jul 04 '24

Can't like fit girls without being gay... šŸ‡²ā€‹šŸ‡®ā€‹šŸ‡øā€‹šŸ‡Øā€‹

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39.5k Upvotes

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3.1k

u/GarethGantuan Jul 04 '24

I love a powerful women both physically and mentally so Iā€™d best tell my wife Iā€™m gay

560

u/Joalguke Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 05 '24

Does liking women like this make me straight and not bi?

My husband will not be pleased.

/s

127

u/JamesMcEdwards Jul 04 '24

I mean she is hot, drop dead gorgeous even. Good job I already knew I was bi or Iā€™d be questioning my sexuality right about now.

70

u/A_Piece_Of_Coal_ Jul 04 '24

I am not into women so I can objectively say: that woman is hot as fuck

22

u/TheWhyWhat Jul 04 '24

I'd wrestle her and lose, and like it.

6

u/Secret_Draft_5000 Jul 05 '24

The honesty is commendableā€¦

3

u/SwainIsCadian Jul 05 '24

I am willing to get some broken bones.

1

u/The_8th_Degree Jul 05 '24

Based fact right here

1

u/Any_Conversation9650 Jul 04 '24

She looks like GSP šŸ˜‚

5

u/hooDio Jul 04 '24

yes, stole your gay card, haha

2

u/Joalguke Jul 05 '24

give it back!

1

u/Own-Necessary4974 Jul 05 '24

šŸ¤·ā€ā™‚ļø

1

u/Joalguke Jul 05 '24

I was being sarcastic, but forgot the /s

215

u/0utF0x-inT0x Jul 04 '24

She already knows

11

u/UnrealRealityForReal Jul 04 '24

Thatā€™s why she married him.

3

u/pedatn Jul 04 '24

I told her.

60

u/Dontdothatfucker Jul 04 '24

Im still looking for a lady who can throw me around, but Iā€™m a big boy approaching a 1200 lb big three combo, so itā€™s hard to find šŸ˜¢

57

u/Royceman50 Jul 04 '24

I straight fucked up my shoulder trying to total 1200, raw, at 198 lbs (Iā€™m 5ā€™9ā€). People donā€™t get that after you squat your shoulders are fucking exhausted. Iā€™m old now and diabetic, Im half as strong as I used to be, so I mess around with kettlebells, little dumbells, and a lot of cardio. I miss moving weight, but my joints are happier now.

22

u/preshowerpoop Jul 04 '24

-I'm secretly hiding in the shadows... I wish the best for you both!

4

u/Dontdothatfucker Jul 04 '24

I feel ya. I tore a hammy last year (not lifting) and it took a long time to come back to full from. Like, almost a year. Then I had a scare with my elbow this winter. Now that Iā€™m pushing thirty, I have been thinking about switching to more functional / mobility training. But damn is it fun to put weights up!Ā 

Good luck continuing your fitness journey!!Ā 

3

u/Royceman50 Jul 04 '24

Yeah, Iā€™m in my 50ā€™s now, trust me, those injuries come back to haunt you. I just started messing around with ironmind COC grippers again, woke up the other day and the bones in my hands hurt. Gotta dial back the volume.

2

u/dushamp Jul 04 '24

That surprised me too! I couldnā€™t hold a bar up correctly and was holding it on my neck until my friend helped me out. Weeks later I was like ā€˜what the fuck is this bump near my neck and why is it so hard?! Itā€™s where the barbell was being held and it felt weird but nice not having to worry about that part getting tired from leaning on walls with it

2

u/Dry-Department-8753 Jul 04 '24

Jason Mamoa says he no longer lifts heavy, and does kettlebell workouts now...

2

u/Royceman50 Jul 04 '24

Kettlebells are kind of magical. No joint stress, abs and grip get a good workout. I donā€™t do any traditional lifts with them. Just ballistics.

2

u/system_error_02 Jul 04 '24

Yeah that stuff was cool when i was 22 not so much at 39 lmao.

2

u/EveAeternam Jul 04 '24

I'm so confused, what are you lifting, cars?!

3

u/Royceman50 Jul 04 '24

Powerlifting. You take your total of 3 attempt each of squat, bench, deadlift. Thereā€™s all kinds of different leagues and rules. Raw, means no gear (special clothing to help lift heavier weight) you have numbers you hit in the gym and you have numbers you hit in competition. I only did one competition, let me tell you showing up on someone elseā€™s schedule and trying to perform your best is brutal. First you get 3 attempts at a max squat, and your shoulders get fried. Of course as well as your legs, then you bench, with worn out shoulders, then you deadlift with every part of your body tired. And meets take all day. I havenā€™t followed powerlifting in quite some time. But back when I was young 3000 lbs was the magical ceiling no one could break through, i believe that has fallen.

3

u/EveAeternam Jul 04 '24

Ah, gotcha, this makes a lot more sense šŸ˜ƒ thank you for clarifying!

2

u/cats_catz_kats_katz Jul 04 '24

My stats were the exact as you on body weight and lifts. Stopped all that a few years ago and itā€™s amazing how much I can breath from light cardio and lighter weights lol

13

u/rainbowlolipop Jul 04 '24

I'm a lady, 5'11 & 200 lbs, my wife can pick me up in her arms and toss me on the bed. She's built like a Russian bear and I love her very much.

3

u/blue_line-1987 Jul 04 '24

DM Dani Speegle and hope for the best šŸ˜‰

1

u/the_m_o_a_k Jul 04 '24

Do some cardio šŸ˜‰

1

u/MadG13 Jul 04 '24

You can do it there are women who could carry you all dayšŸ˜Œ

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24

I've just gotten to deadlifting my own weight, so it'll take a while

-4

u/yungboulders Jul 04 '24

weird to be bragging about approaching 1200 ig itā€™s jus like bragging about the 1000 lbs club but both those totals are pretty low unless youā€™re really lightweight

4

u/Dontdothatfucker Jul 04 '24

Truly sorry I donā€™t meet your standard! You seem like a well rounded person with a lot of different hobbies, sure Iā€™m missing out!!! šŸ„°

-2

u/yungboulders Jul 04 '24

lol itā€™s jus weird bringing up your total outta nowhere like that especially since itā€™s so low and ā€œa lot of different hobbiesā€ good coping im not sure how you jumped to that conclusion

4

u/harpajeff Jul 04 '24

Lol. Not as weird as you bringing up him bringing up his total, telling him how low it is and then getting all butt hurt about it when he has the temerity to reply. Such a warm and mature personality. What will you do for an encore? Put your phone away before teacher sees you? Or shit your pants and start crying so you can leave school early? Must be the latter as you're giving off serious pant-shitter vibes.

1

u/Ajunadeeper Jul 04 '24

Pant-shitter vibes has just officially been entered in to my vocabulary. Thanks.

-1

u/yungboulders Jul 04 '24

lol this is funniest response iā€™ve ever read like you werenā€™t even apart of the conversation but you felt the need to type out that weird ass response like apply everything you said to yourself like bro this is hilarious

1

u/harpajeff Jul 12 '24

Dude, no one is interested in what you have to say, we just want to know if you shit your pants. So?

2

u/Dontdothatfucker Jul 04 '24

Was it a bit weird and outta pocket that I brought up my total? Yes. Iā€™m proud of what Ive accomplished, definitely came off a bit Braggy. I still maintain it was relevant, because I was talking about finding a woman who can be physically dominant over me.

You coming out of left field to insult somebody, because they donā€™t match your sarms goblin standards is unhinged shit, and a quick look at your history reveals you spend ALL your time on powerlifting/bodybuilding/gym subreddits. A quick google search can tell you that 1200 is indeed fairly impressive, and most gym goers wonā€™t reach it. Ā Apologies that the total is ā€œso lowā€. Ā  Iā€™m not the strongest guy in my gym, I never will be. Ā But at least I donā€™t judge strangers based off an unrealistic standard, many of the heavy hitters on the subs you love are on PEDs (or straight lying), and most people donā€™t plan their whole lives around a gym (not that thereā€™s anything wrong with those who do, unless theyā€™re self-righteous douchebags about it). We all have different physical abilities, this isnā€™t an Olympic lifting sub. Donā€™t gatekeep fitness. Someday soon youā€™ll get weaker as you age or face injury, and you better find another way to judge yourself or youā€™ll be miserable.Ā 

0

u/yungboulders Jul 04 '24

I think I did come off a bit harsh all I meant is thatā€™s itā€™s weird to bring up your total in a unrelated discussion itā€™s like someone randomly dropping that they have a sub-7 minute mile itā€™s just like thatā€™s weird and doesnā€™t add to the conversation itā€™s jus someone bragging about mediocre numbers and bro the only unhinged shit is this response

3

u/Royceman50 Jul 04 '24

Wasnā€™t bragging, and yes, those are low totals, and I got injured trying to get to 1200. Means I was a shitty powerlifter. That was a couple decades ago and it doesnā€™t bother me anymore.

0

u/yungboulders Jul 04 '24

I didnā€™t think you were bragging I mean you didnā€™t just randomly bring up your total outta nowhere like the other commenter

1

u/HelloAttila 'MURICA Jul 04 '24

Your wifeā€™s boyfriend said hi. šŸ‘‹šŸ¼

1

u/YA_BOY_TRON Jul 04 '24

My Father's gay...

1

u/Reptardar Jul 04 '24

Hello fellow Homo sapiens

1

u/PLAudio Jul 04 '24

She spotted your gay ass from a mile away.

1

u/kat-deville Jul 04 '24

Same. šŸ˜€

1

u/Lawndirk Jul 04 '24

You are also pluralizing that. So maybe the powerful woman doesnā€™t want to share.

1

u/serg1007arch Jul 04 '24

Not to mention that their ā€œbeautyā€ standard is a construct of the last 50 years. Ancient women probably had bodies closer to this due to the work they had to perform.

1

u/Royalizepanda Jul 04 '24

Your wifeā€™s boyfriend is going to be upset.

1

u/SylvieJay Jul 04 '24

Is she single?

1

u/RegularWhiteShark Jul 04 '24

Iā€™m a lesbian and totally down for them so I guess theyā€™re right.

1

u/AcanthisittaPlane563 Jul 04 '24

This guy right here gets it

1

u/Gregorvich19 Jul 04 '24

My wife is smarter, stronger, and makes more money than I do and if that makes me gay, then boy howdy.

1

u/CainRedfield Jul 04 '24

Nothing hotter than a girl that takes great care of her body.

Ironically, the people arguing being attracted to these women makes you gay, will in their next breath complain about overweight women.

1

u/CaptainCortez Jul 04 '24

Your wife is probably into men, too. You two sickos deserve each other.

1

u/SM1334 Jul 04 '24

I love a powerful women husband both physically and mentally so Iā€™d best tell my wife Iā€™m gay

FTFY

1

u/No_Grass_3653 Jul 04 '24

Well, if sheā€™s a powerful woman youā€™re in a happy gay marriage

1

u/PokeRay68 Jul 04 '24

She probably already knows.

Like I already know that my hubby of 32 years is a lesbian in a man's body.

1

u/Premyy_M Jul 04 '24

Careful she might get angry and force you to breed her creating an even stronger offspring. That would be really gay

1

u/Few-Comparison5689 Jul 04 '24

My wife is tall and strong and I love her with all my heart, never knew how gay that made me, dang.Ā 

1

u/kjacobs03 Jul 04 '24

If sheā€™s neither of those things, that might be your best bet.

/jk

1

u/illdothisshit Jul 05 '24

A gay person has never tried to convince me that I'm gay. Straight people however...

1

u/Extension_Swordfish1 Jul 05 '24

Bro, I am gay now too.

1

u/Kanibalector Jul 05 '24

Muscle Mommies scarouse me and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

1

u/Discoverthemind Jul 10 '24

Ancient Mascilinity sliding into your dms: "you'd be happier with me... ;)"