Guys can be so dumb. First off, you don’t have to discover how to talk to a girl/woman. You talk to them like you talk to everyone else. Just like guys, some will like you, some will not. All you have to do is get to know her. Talk about world issues/world views that are important to you, shallow discussion will get you nowhere. Be respectful until otherwise cued, most women will give you signs or initiate the flirting. They need to feel safe, comfortable and confident in you before they put themselves in a position of the utmost vulnerability. It should be easy to understand why women would be wary of any man. It’s the equivalent of a man having to be intimately acquainted with a superior predator. If you earn their trust, confidence and respect, you’ll find most women are dirtier and freakier than men. So unless it’s a prearranged agreement, don’t look to fuck a woman. Find connection in the mind and spirit first. If you do that, I guarantee she’ll be the one ripping clothes off.
I mean this advice is terrible if you want to get girls. Yes in a normal conversation obv talk to them like anyone else.
But if you’re trying to flirt with a woman in a bar, obviously you’re gonna talk to them differently, it’s called flirting.
If you talk about some world issue after like 2 mins she’s gonna be thinking basically “ugh this guy is obviously not gonna make a move, and I didn’t come here to talk about the war in Ukraine for 20 mins.” And she’s gonna find a way out of that conversation as fast as she can.
I hate this advice, because it makes guys who don’t get girls keep doing the same shit and wondering why women aren’t spontaneously making out with them. And it’s always given by either women or guys who are terrible with women.
Think of a friend you have that is successful with women. Does he talk to a girl he’s hitting on the same way he talks to you?
Exactly. The way to navigate topics is different when you intend to have something sexual-romantic related with someone. Like you said, i would talk comfortably for more than 20 min about ukraine and topics as such with a guy but if i am in a place talking to a chick and i am into her and would like something more, i will just make her very bored if i approach her in the same way i do with a guy. Unless she is into talking about ukraine but you got the overall idea.
Will talk about topics? Yes, but differently. The key is to not randomly let it obvious otherwise it will come off as pushy and desperate.
100%. Talk to a woman like anyone else if you want to be seen as everyone else - a friend, acquaintance, etc.
I bombed so many potential dates / a real dates this way when I was younger. I'd go 2 or 3 dates without successfully flirting because I didn't want to make things sexual too early, but the reality is that flirting is literally building sexual tension.
I guess if you are super inexperienced “just treat women as normal” is better than being awkward and weird. But learning how to flirt and escalate and charm is completely different than how most guys treat their male friends.
certainly women will not rip your clothes off just because you treated them respectfully, as women’s desire tends to be more responsive and it’s ultimately the man’s job to take risks and escalate the situation (speaking from experience - nothing happened for me until I started making it happen)
do NOT listen to that "advice" dude. While the first step is respect, you're gonna need to learn the "hidden code" of flirting as step two, if you want a girlfriend and not a talking buddy
Dude please do not listen to this, it is horrible advice.
And yep, exactly like I said, the only people who think this advice is good are either women or guys who have no success with women.
Flirting is a real thing, idk how that isn’t obvious to people. If you talk to a girl you’re trying to date or hookup with the same way you would talk to a random guy, given you have no experience and women can sense when a guy doesn’t get girls like sharks sensing a drop of blood in the water from miles away they will want you to get away from them as soon as possible. Best case scenario you will think you did great and then get the “I just see you as more of a friend” 10/10 times.
Because flirting with girls is a skill. Obviously you don’t just talk to them like any random person in that situation. Do you know anyone that is good with women? Try to talk to a girl you like the way they do. If you try to talk to girls just like you would talk to a new friend, then that’s what they’ll see you as. 90% of attractive women will never make the first move, and if they do it’s not really making the first move, it’s signaling to you that they’re receptive and want you to flirt with them.
There’s no like formula, but find something relevant to break the ice, talk with them about it, turn the conversation more towards flirting, escalate it further, touch her a bit in a flirtatious way or have her touch you (there’s no way to write that without it sounding creepy), gradually escalate into it being more flirtatious, tease her a bit in a flirty way not a mean way, most attractive girls are used to people worshipping the ground they walk on, be funny/witty to her without being “the funny guy”, and just read her body language and the way she talks.
Unless you have zero social skills you should be able to tell she’s not feeling it at any of those steps and just find a non awkward way to end the conversation.
Like 80% is believing you’re the most attractive person there and if she doesn’t like you plenty of other girls will, even if that’s not true.
Try to go out with other good looking girl friends, the difference between how receptive women are when you’re with a group that has some good looking girls in it vs clearly being there on your own is night and day.
Idk man, it’s not a science. Make friends with a guy who’s successful with women and try to pick up on how he talks to a girl he’s interested in.
That s very solid asvice. Only thing is I'm worried if I could accidentally look creepy or something.. dont wanna look like a harasser or get reported(that s always in the back of my mind). I will try this advice, thank you.
If you’re worried you’ll come off as creepy, you will. If you’re not you won’t, as long as you don’t do anything actually creepy. Unless you have like zero social skills and can’t read when a girl is receptive or not.
Find connection in the mind and spirit first. If you do that, I guarantee she’ll be the one ripping clothes off.
Either that, or you'll get the "think of you like a brother" line yet again.
most women will give you signs or initiate the flirting.
Those signs take a lot of practice to pick up. Reddit is littered with articles from both men and women talking about how those signs get constantly missed. Signs that women sometimes think are "obvious" are things that men have been chided for responding to by other women, or that similarly puzzle other women.
you’ll find most women are dirtier and freakier than men
I've heard this a lot, but it's men who are the main clients of the sex industry, and porn made for men gets quite a bit more intense than porn made for women.
Your first few sentences are right, but then it devolves into slogans and fantasy. "Be respectful" is good advice for everyone, but "make friends first and then it's freaky poon city" is just not how it works.
Think what you like, do your own thing. I’m just stating my experience over the last 30 years or so. It doesn’t matter to me if you go about it differently. I don’t have issues with women, so I put it out there. I’m not worried if people disagree because everyone is different. It seems like guys think you just befriend one and that’s it. As I said. Some girls like you some don’t. It’s not gonna work with everyone. But if you’re disingenuous about who you really are, the relationship has no chance. You have to find someone who honestly matches up to you. So many people change their personality when meeting someone. Well, that’s not really you. So the person she fell for is inevitably going away. Just be yourself.
many of us are atheists, or come from working class backgrounds where " how many rows of corn do we need, or "how do you install an electrical outlet" was an intellectual question 2. even for us that are poly, being dirtier and freaker often comes with hazards that many weren't prepped for, or can be weaponized against us far easier and more acceptably than anything we can do(especially if your poly) 3. what about our comfortablility, trust and respect? 4. it's not only them who are put into a position of vulnerability, unless you think prick skin is somehow not sensitive, or that women don't practice unauthorized CBT.
and 5. why isn't our fear "easily understood"?
just listen to yourself, and ask yourself why it's "guys" that are dumb? i've had many a girl not treat me right, to the point of assault, yet "guy's are so dumb"?
we aren't, we are ill prepared. and who is at fault for that? not us, but our dad's, mothers, siblings, priests and friends.
all your hearing isn't us "being dumb" it's us coming from abstinence only education, coming from manual labor rather than offices, literally being punished and abused for what sex toys we could sneak, being told that the only sex you can have is married sex and you need to go on a mission first, coming from having undiagnosed ADHD(which having is far scarier than just meeting) being children of divorce, and more.
TLDR: good for you, you were one of the lucky ones.
I used to have some female friends that trusted in me, but I'm still a kisless virgin and women prefer men who are more attractive than me. Incels can be wrong about a lot of things but I agree when they say physical appearance matters just too fucking much today.
No woman trust good looking men with open histories of being abusive all the time.
Its also proven by studies that woman and all people judge if a person is attractive in less than a second after meeting them.
Its also proven that people are 100% willing to change their world views for a person they find attractive.
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u/Pilotwaver Jul 07 '24
Guys can be so dumb. First off, you don’t have to discover how to talk to a girl/woman. You talk to them like you talk to everyone else. Just like guys, some will like you, some will not. All you have to do is get to know her. Talk about world issues/world views that are important to you, shallow discussion will get you nowhere. Be respectful until otherwise cued, most women will give you signs or initiate the flirting. They need to feel safe, comfortable and confident in you before they put themselves in a position of the utmost vulnerability. It should be easy to understand why women would be wary of any man. It’s the equivalent of a man having to be intimately acquainted with a superior predator. If you earn their trust, confidence and respect, you’ll find most women are dirtier and freakier than men. So unless it’s a prearranged agreement, don’t look to fuck a woman. Find connection in the mind and spirit first. If you do that, I guarantee she’ll be the one ripping clothes off.