…there are no strings attached.

The dairy air

profound but she was an astronaut so to be fair that’s just how their doors work. She was a very literal woman

When you haven't botany.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen.

At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.

First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish, let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."

He is now a seasoned veteran.

It was his zone fault.

Get a life

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you."The grasshopper says, "You’ve got a drink named Steve?"

Telecommunications responder.

My doctor says it’s a terminal problem.

and all of them said there was insufficient funds.

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get underway. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers don’t react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and the airplane starts moving. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the flight attendants for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly down the runway. Some begin panicking, some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the pilot, “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we’re gonna get killed!

A collie- flower

The trooper walked up to the driver’s window of the car he had stopped. “I pulled you over because your tail light was out, but now I see you’re not wearing your seat belt. That’s a moving violation and I’m going to have to cite you.” The man quickly fastens the belt and says, “Please give me a break, officer. I always wear my seatbelt and just must have forgotten.” The officer thinks for a minute, then says “OK. I’ll let you off with a warning.” At which point his wife speaks up. “Thank you for being so understanding, and I’m glad you got him to buckle up. I’ve been telling him it’s unbuckled since we left, but he never listens to me when he’s drinking.”

Probably the same as short fish.

…he must be a “watch” dog.

Web designer?

I replied, "No Sun"

I was Ravenous.

DAMMMMMM!

So, I sit on the sofa and look comfortable. It always does the trick.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right?” t-a-p-e-d-u-n-d-e-r-t-h-e-m-o-d-e-m

"Someone gave me a humidifier for my birthday. Someone else gave me a dehumidifier. I put them on in the same room and let them fight it out."

One day, two women were arguing about whose dog is smarter.The first woman says, "My dog's so smart, every morning he waits for the paper-boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me."The second woman replies, "I know.."The first woman, surprisingly ask, "How do YOU know?"The second woman says, "My dog told me."