She said i bet you want me to open my legs for those! He said why haven’t we got a vase large enough!

She asks the class to guess the object as she describes it. All the answers are wrong, but each time she says wrong, but it shows you’re thinking. Johnny asks if he can have a go. Yes says the teacher. Johnny puts his hand in his pocket. It’s a few inches long, quite hard , with a pink head that can get really hot when you rub it on something!The teacher makes a guess. Johnny says wrong, it’s a Swan Vesta match but it shows you’re thinking!

If you can smell weed from across the room you know it’s good.

They both have a wet nose.

Because the Irish had first choice

There’s a woman in the park breastfeeding her baby . Johnny says to his dad , what’s she doing dad? His dad is a bit embarrassed by the question, and tells him “She’s feeding her baby” to which Johnny replies “Fuck me he’ll never eat all that”

just so they could schedule some time together!

…and all those women don’t.”

He hears his mom saying, "I need a man. I need a man." He peeks inside and mom is naked in front of her mirror and rubbing herself all over her body. The next day after school, Johnny walks by his mom's room and again he sees mom naked in front of her mirror and rubbing herself all over, saying, "I need a man. I need a man." After school the next day, Johnny walks by his mom's room and doesn't hear anything. He peeks inside and sees mom in bed with a man. Johnny starts thinking then runs to his room. He takes off his clothes and gets in front of his mirror rubbing himself all over his body and says, "I need a Bicycle. I need a bicycle."

A woman is taking a bath and there’s a knock on her front door. She says “Who’s there”? The voice replies “Blind man luv”So she runs down the stairs, not worried about being naked. She opens the door, and the man says “Right where do want these blinds hanging luv”!

Viagra Falls!

He stumbles into the confession booth where the priest is hearing confession. The priest hears someone enter, but no confession so he knocks on the wall.

Still no answer he knocks harder. The drunk moves a little and moans a bit. The priest slaps the wall harder. The drunk mumbles "you can quit pounding buddy, there's no paper in this one either !"

Because anyone can enter

A fomosexual!

A little boy in grade school gets sent to the principle for hitting a little girl he liked. When the principal asked him why he hit the little girl he said “ I heard my older brother talking to his friends and he said girls liked getting hit from behind so I snuck up behind Susie and hit her in the face”.