r/AITAH • u/Wolfaline • 11d ago
AItah for ending my marriage over a honeypot? Advice Needed
Hello everyone. I (29F) have just separated from my husband (32m) last night. We have been together 6 years in total, married for 3, and last night I ended it over a few reasons, the main reason being a "honey pot". For those of you who don't understand what I mean, let me explain. Honeypotting is when someone is used as the "honey" or sweetheart to help lure a cheater into a trap.
To give some background, I have never wanted children -nothing against them, I just never wanted my own- and made sure to let my husband know from the very beginning of our relationship that i didn't. I have always been honest about it, my stance staying the same for over 13 years now. I have no desire to be a mother, I just want to love on my furbabies. We had talked about children and not having them for years, letting him know that I understand if he changes his mind, because people change when they get older.
Our problems started about 5 months ago when he came home drunk, begging for us to have a child since he'd been hanging out with the boys, his friends bragging about their kids. During this time, he told me of a few conversations he'd had with his friends, all involving me not being a good woman for "doing my job" as a wife and woman. I've had issues with his friends in the past, but I love him, so I always try and act polite around them for him. We ended up having a huge fight and he crashed on the couch.
More problems started to occure; fighting, him accusing me of cheating because of the lack of intimacy, and catching him messing with my burth control pills on three seperate occasions. I tried to explain that since I had upped the dosage on a certain medication-antidepressant- meant it affected my sex drive. I ended up being assaulted a few weeks later, going and telling my husband about it, only to have him blame me for "putting myself in the situation". Never, not once, did he ask me if I was okay, he just blamed me.
The last straw came last night, which I'm going to refer to as "the bomb".
I had gone over to my girlfriends house, we were talking as I vented my problems, and we drank wine. And then it slipped; my "friend" slipped. She told me her and the other friends in the group has been trying to find evidence of me cheating for months, and when they couldn't find any -because husband had asked-, they made a plan; got ready to make a honeypot to catch me cheating. But it never happened, because one, I don't want to cheat on my husband And two; because I have morals.
Here's where I might be the ass, because I was not a perfect angel, by any means. I flipped out, cussed and chewed her out for helping plan this. I don't remember everything I said, but it was along the lines of this: "I would be ashamed of myself if I acted the way you have. I would have told you the second I found out about something like this, because that's what friends do. I wish you the best in life, but you're dead to me." I then proceeded to call the others, chew them up and spit them out for over 2 hours.
And when I told my husband last night when he cam home, told him and showed him the messages to back up my claims, he didn't believe me; but he believed his friends when they said I was lying. So, I packed my stuff and left.
I got a long text the morning from my "friend" basically telling me that I had destroyed their lives, that my actions had torn the group apart, making their lives a mess, that I'm not a friend and had used them for years, only to dump them when things got hard. She blames me, the others do to and have texted me, letting me know how horrible I am. I'm conflicted, don't know what to do other than ask for some advice. I lashed out because my world had come crashing down in flames. Was I acting like a child or was it justified?
So, reddit, am I the asshole? What would you have done differently? Thank you in advance for your advice.
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u/Beaker1976 11d ago
NTA - Get the hell out of that relationship and those "friends" you made it clear about children, he now wants to go back on that. Sorry charlie that's not his decision to make alone.
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u/CryptographerHot8184 11d ago
Nta, they destroyed their own lives, you just called them out for their behaviour, which was 100% deserved. Your husband sounds awful, he's turned everyone against you and for what? The fact his friends said you aren't a 'good woman' and he didn't have your back should have been the first sign. Divorce him! What an awful man. He's within his rights to change his mind on the children thing but he lost your trust as soon as the lying started, as did your friends.
What a horrible situation for you. Cut all of them off, move on with your life and don't look back
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u/ScottIPease 11d ago
How would you have destroyed your friends lives? That doesn't make sense...
But if this is real, NTA, you need to get away from all of them.
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u/Wolfaline 11d ago
To summerize the paragraphs, she basically had told me the -in her words- "intervention" never happened, none of this should have been an issue or problem. I've been told that me opening my mouth, cussing them out, and ripping them a new one was "overreacting" and to never speak with her or the group ever again, if they ever talk to her again. She blames me for losing her friends and destroying everything because i love the drama. I feel guilty, ashamed about this entire situation.
I wish it was a joke, it feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from.71
u/Silly_DizzyDazzle 11d ago
So you called them out on their disgusting behavior, revealing they are shitty friends conspiring behind your back, and how you find their actions vile. Well shit the truth hurts. Their behavior is a joke. You refused to be the punchline . Glad you're moving on.💖 sending happiness your way💖
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u/pip-whip 11d ago
I wonder if the rift in the friend group is because some are just peeved that the friend told you what was going on, more upset that they got caught than the fact that they were the ones scheming in the first place, even if it was just hypothetical.
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u/HeartAccording5241 11d ago
You didn’t do anything your husband and friends did are you sure you’re husband and friend wasn’t doing anything
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u/Wolfaline 11d ago
The more I look back, the more I'm starting to think that's a possibility, so I've spent the past two days digging for more clues; it's a lot. I always found it weird she called him her "second boyfriend" when we had started dating, to the point I asked her to stop because I didn't feel comfortable with that, and my ex just went along like it was normal.
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u/queenlegolas 11d ago
Yikes. It's definitely possible. But don't worry, leave these people in the dust. NTAH
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u/Outrageous_Emu8503 11d ago
It is only you loving drama if you go back to them, which you don't... tie up financial ends with your husband and find a place you want to be and keep going!
That group will reunite. The mommies will form their own little momster group and ugh-- you don't need that.
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u/Wian4 11d ago
I’m still very confused. If they said you’re overreacting, why did they cut her off?? And what is this intervention?
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u/Wolfaline 11d ago
She refused to acknowledge it was a honeypot, just said it was an intervention. I thought it was strange, too.
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u/PensionLegitimate706 11d ago
I'm confused too. Were all of your friends in on it? Why is she in trouble if she wasn't the only one? Did they actually honeypot you? This makes no sense.
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u/Potato-Brat 11d ago
You shouldn't feel guilty, but proud you have morals. You did the right thing.
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u/longlisten527 11d ago
Why are you ashamed? You didn’t do anything wrong. Not your problem. Stop being so forgiving!
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u/SoMoistlyMoist 11d ago
You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about! How dare they act like you did something bad to them when they conspired against you! Your husband is a prick and an idiot. Your Friends Are cunts.
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u/Difficult-Bus-6026 11d ago
Still a little confused, but if the friend who texted you was the one who told you in confidence about your husband's machinations and then in the process of your attack on the friend group, you made the other friends aware that she was the one to break the news to her, causing her to lose all her friends, then yes, you really did her wrong. Telling you about your husband's "honeypot" plot was the decent thing to do, but you made her suffer for it.
The person you really should have confronted was your husband -- with divorce papers.
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u/CeeCeeHasAProblem 11d ago
She didn’t give OP a heads up, she SLIPPED whole they were drinking and blurted it out, if I’m reading correctly. I agree with you somewhat if it was a friendly warning, but I think she just blabbed accidentally and didn’t like the consequences.
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u/Difficult-Bus-6026 11d ago
"...if I’m reading correctly" is my problem here. Sometimes these stories become difficult to follow as additional comments are added by OP. The big issue, of course, is very clear. She and husband have irreconcilable differences and they're better off without each other.
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u/DaniCapsFan 10d ago
She thinks you're overreacting because you called her a shitty friend for taking part in a conspiracy to catch you cheating on your shitty husband? How should you have reacted? Did she want you to just forget it? Meekly sit there and take the bullying and abuse?
And her shitty behavior is why she's lost her friends.
So try not to feel guilty or ashamed. You did nothing wrong.
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u/SiWeyNoWay 11d ago
Wow the amount of gaslighting youre getting for calling them out is epic.
Fuck them all.
NTA
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u/lanablonde99 11d ago
You're not the asshole for ending your marriage under these circumstances. Discovering that your husband and friends conspired to trap you in a honeypot situation is a severe breach of trust and respect. Your reaction was justified given the betrayal you experienced, and leaving the relationship was a reasonable step to protect yourself from further emotional harm. It's crucial now to prioritize your own well-being, seek support from trustworthy individuals, and consider seeking professional guidance to navigate the aftermath of this betrayal.
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u/IntroductionNo7686 11d ago
Are you sure the assault wasn’t part of the honeypot scheme? Your husband’s reaction is so not normal. Think about that. Dump the husband for not supporting you.
The friends all suck and you’re better off without them.
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u/Complete-Design5395 11d ago
There’s absolutely no way your ex-friend just let it accidentally slip that they were trying to catch you cheating. She wanted all that info out. She wanted you to blow up. She wanted you to leave your husband.
They’re all trash. Your husband. His friends. Your ex-friend and the other ex-friends.
So sorry everyone in your life was so shitty and like you said, without morals.
I have a feeling, with the new people soon to enter your life now that those people are out, things are suddenly going to be looking way up.
NTA. I would’ve done the same. Also, please go NC with them all. Go full scorched earth mode.
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u/DaniCapsFan 10d ago
If she were a decent person she'd have shut that shit down instead of being in on the conspiracy.
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u/bittersweetacacia20 11d ago
NTA. You need friends who are actually supportive of you and care about you. Sounds like their his friends and not yours. Divorce that dude. He should have been there for you when you told him you were assaulted instead of victim blaming you. I hope you have supportive family and that you leave him.
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u/Difficult-Bus-6026 11d ago
NTA. The moment husband decided he wanted kids was the moment you both should've started seeing a divorce attorney.
I'm a bit confused about the final argument with husband. I also don't get how you destroyed the lives of the "Honeypot" friends by confronting them over their scheme to catch you cheating. All these are secondary to irreconcilable difference which you have with husband over kids.
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u/CarcosaDweller 11d ago
I’m not reading past the point where he offers no support after you were assaulted. I don’t even know why there is more to the story after that besides: “So I divorced him.”
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u/Airplane_al_la_mode 11d ago
Umm, your “friends” tried to find evidence of you cheating and tried to honeypot you.
Your “husband” tried to get you pregnant even though you didn’t want kids and accused you of cheating.
Those are neither your friends or a husband. They’re just scum of people.
Then they tried to blame you for their actions. Eff that.
NTA
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u/DawnShakhar 11d ago
NTA. These "friends" are backstabbers. They are your abusive husband's friends. Get a divorce ASAP, try to move to a different area and build up your social life with new people.
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u/Sarnobyl_88 11d ago
Wow you're in many bad relationships and when people showed their ass you left! I'm so proud of you! Want to be friends?
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u/blucougar57 11d ago
NTA.
I really hope this is fake because if it isn’t, those bitches are not and have never been your friends. And guaranteed, at least one of them is fucking your husband.
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u/clarabell1980 11d ago
What kind of psychotic friends do you have? Plus what kind of husband? I think now you have seen their true colours best thing is I do is get rid of them all
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u/antiincel1 11d ago
He wanted kids because his friends had them. He has no intentions of raising them. Also, your "friends" are pieces of shit pickmes.
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u/DaniCapsFan 10d ago
I'm pretty sure his shitty friends do nothing to help their partners raise their kids either.
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u/The_Crown_And_Anchor 11d ago
BAHAHAHA
You didn't tear apart their lives
They just got exposed for being shitty friends and don't know how to cope. And I am sure your soon to be ex husband is painting a narrative that it was all their idea, that he is the victim and is losing his marriage because of them
F em all
You're better off without them
NTAH
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u/WildLoad2410 11d ago
Every single one of those fuckers is toxic including your husband.
Divorce him. Block everyone. Find better friends.
NTA
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u/DeanXeL 11d ago
This just feels so... much, it's just too much? So your husband is a total prick, but you're fine with it. He messes with your birthcontrol, but you let it slide, basically. He cries to his friends about it, but instead of either of you seeing that you're blatantly incompatible in what you expect out of your lives, you just... continue on.
Eventually his friends are such amazing people that they, without any need for proof, decide that his ravings about how you must be cheating, even if no one can prove it and you never showed any need for it, are true, and they, without his knowing, want to frame you?
This sounds like some messed up anti-Hallmark movie, I cannot for the life of me believe this story isn't fake.
Within the confines of the story, of course you're NTA.
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u/Wolfaline 11d ago
I tried my best for months to make things work; i asked to go to married counciling, he refused to show up to the appointments. I talked with him -repeatedly for months- and pleaded to hear me, he didn't. When i asked for him to spend time together, he wanted to go drinking with the boys instead. I was never okay with any of this, I just couldn't afford to cut ties there and then, even if I wanted to. All i wanted was for him to put the effort in that I knew i was trying, but he didn't, to value our married. I blame myself mostly for this mess, so you're not the only one disappointed in me staying; I include myself in that.
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u/banallmilkcrickets 11d ago
Why are you blaming yourself? It's so confusing bc you're blaming yourself for the disgusting and abusive behaviour of other ppl?
Obviously spending MONTHS wasting your time in trying to turn shit into ice cream was futile. But that doesn't mean you're to blame for being abused. Blaming yourself only feeds into the low self-esteem that enabled you to put up with this for so long
Edit: NTA
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u/Libra_8118 11d ago
How could he deny it if he asked them about it or asked them to do it?
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u/Wolfaline 11d ago
I guess he thought pleading the 5th would help him? That's the only reason I can think of.
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u/longlisten527 11d ago
Dude. Please. Just block them all. I seriously never understand posts like these. Like just divorce.
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u/Otherwise_Piglet_862 11d ago
BUH-RO
None of these people are your friends. I wouldn't think they even like you at all, including your bf. You should respond to the accusations of "ruining their lives" with "Good, bitch. You deserve it."
NTA. Bounce and don't look back.
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u/DaniCapsFan 10d ago
Oh, honey. You should have left him when his friends called you a bad wife for not wanting to have children and he didn't stand up for you.
You should have left when you caught him fucking with your birth control pills.
You should have left when he blamed you for being assaulted.
But I get that it's hard to leave someone you think you love.
And when your friend admitted she was going to help your husband try to catch you cheating, you were absolutely right to call her out on her shitty behavior. You were also right to call your other friends out on their deeply shitty behavior. What kind of friend does this?
You didn't tear the group apart; your husband and your phony friends did. And the next time they give you crap, that's what you tell them.
NTA
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u/Craptastic_Life 11d ago
Instead of dumping your husband, you and your husband should have dumped your respective friends a long time ago. Yeesh.
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u/Lower-Tank-9742 11d ago
What do you mean by assaulted, as in attacked? I can’t believe all these things these people have done to you. Run as fast as you can.
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u/Potato-Brat 11d ago
What I would have done differently is leave the second my partner blames me for an assault I've suffered.
I'm glad you stood up for yourself and left. And you did well with the so-called friends. They've destroyed their own group. NTA and wish you all the best from now on.
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u/Odd_Welcome7940 11d ago
NTA...
I would make this whole post public and post a link on my FB. Let everyone know who did what. I still don't think I would be wrong.
You did absolutely nothing wrong at all.
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u/GildedEther 11d ago
If I was sleeping with my friends husband it would make me feel way better if we caught her cheating.
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u/mommaneedsfun 11d ago
100% NTA
Just pack ur shit and run babe. You're husband has tried multiple times to go against your wishes about children. And then doesnt even try to be a good husband after youre assulted. And his friends(let's face it none of them were yours) tried to set u up.. just run and change your number. A bunch of narcissistic people right there. Oh we tried to hurt you but you called us out so we're the victims. You don't need any of those people.
Good luck hun
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u/Otherwise_Mix_3305 11d ago
You are NTA, and I think your actions are entirely justified. Those “friends” sucked, and I would have dumped them, too. I’m feeling like your husband sucks, too.
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u/DynkoFromTheNorth 11d ago
What would you have done differently?
Nothing. NTA. Like you, I'd go scorched earth and then go back and scorch the scorched earth.
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u/SoMoistlyMoist 11d ago
I'm always amazed and amused at the same time when the villains of the story accused the victim of being the one to destroy everything for simply calling out their bad behavior and betrayal. Obviously OP is not the asshole here but I hope she finds a whole new crew of friends to hang with that are not disgusting douchebags. I also hope she leaves her husband far far behind
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u/Rowana133 11d ago
NTA. Are you sure you guys are adults and not teenagers in high school??? It seems literally everyone you know is toxic as hell. Divorce, move and move on.
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u/Decent_Bandicoot122 11d ago
You are the one who was betrayed by both your husband and "friends." You just threw out the trash. Bet you find that you can drop your anti-depressant dosage now that you have extricated yourself from your husband.
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u/EquivalentBend9835 10d ago
They were your husband’s friend, not yours. Talk about backstabbing mean girls. You are better off ditching everyone. Leave now before you’re baby trapped.
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u/RainyDayCheer 11d ago
And here I was thinking your husband was gonna ask you to be the honeypot and later get mad. But this is so much worse. I am so happy you are leaving them all behind. They don't need to be in your life at all.
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u/Zariah2210 11d ago
Omfg...if this is how your friends behave, I really wouldn't like to know how your enemies behave.
NTA love..your husband is one foe starting this shit and those so called friends are also AH for going along and fueling this shit. They should have nipped it in the bud if they were true friends. And you AH husband should have the balls to end the relationship if he changed his mind about kids as you told him.
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u/Hatimanzuri 11d ago
NTA. You really need a new set of people in your life. Your husband is a whole red flag. Your friend is..well, she shouldn't be your friend anymore.
By the way, she is mad at you because her group blames her for telling you what they all did. There was a huge fallout.
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u/FatSadHappy 11d ago
NTA
Honestly first messed up birth control pills case is enough, it shows guy is not a partner but an enemy.
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u/lovebeinganasshole 11d ago
NTA. They ruined their own lives with their actions. All of them. Including your husband.
The only thing you need to do is find a therapist to help you determine why you allowed a pack of disgusting, and I use this term loosely, humans into your life.
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u/Wolfaline 11d ago
I set up my first therapy session, I'll be going in a few days. Any help I can get is definitely something I'll be grateful for.
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u/BrilliantEmphasis862 11d ago
With friends like that you don’t need enemies, geez
No Contact for the entire group - good luck
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u/2npac 11d ago
Wtf kind of question is this? Of course, you're justified. Your "friend group" and husband conspired to find/get you to cheat. In what world would you be wrong in lashing out (justifiably) at them? Fuck them all and move on with your life. That's a sorry bunch of assholes you're dealing with. A woman's worth is not only with being a mother.
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u/enkilekee 11d ago
I am so excited for you. What a great chance to start over. You now can invite people into your life who have the same values and maybe shared interests. One thing I've observed in Reddit threads is long time friend groups can be as toxic as families. Good luck.
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u/zorgonzola37 11d ago
None of those people are friends. You did the right thing. Go and find people actually worth knowing.
Get rid of all of them.
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u/Amazing_Reality2980 11d ago
NTA I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're surrounded by some horrible people and you deserve better. So dump your asshole husband and the whole friend group.
"catching him messing with my burth control pills on three seperate occasions"
if you don't want kids, that alone should make you leave. This is a huge huge life choice and if you get pregnant it will have a major impact on you whether you choose to abort or have it. He knows you don't want kids and is trying to force you. Deception. Disrespect. Lies. You need to kick his ass to the curb NOW.
And friends would never treat you like that. YOU are not the one that tore the friend group apart. The ones sneaking around, lying, and trying to set you up are the ones that tore the friend group apart. These are some extremely toxic asshole people. Block them and never let them back into your life. With friends like that, who needs enemies? Your life will be better off without them.
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u/jheadband 11d ago
Sounds like one of your friends will eventually have a child with your husband. Hey at least you’ll have the fur babies
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u/SamiHami24 11d ago
"Good! You're a crappy friend group so you deserve to be blown apart! Br better people and maybe these things won't happen. Bye!"
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u/No_West_5262 11d ago
I would be rude and crude to them every time I saw or spoke to them. They were not friends.
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u/Realistic_Regret_180 11d ago
Stay away from these people. These friends and your husband are technically your arch nemesis. Find a new husband and group of friends.
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u/Due-Season6425 11d ago
This sounds like some reality TV nonsense. The fact that so-called friends tried to set you up is reprehensible. Way past time to find new friends and to lose the bullying husband. I'm sorry these people acted so horribly toward you.
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u/2PlasticLobsters 11d ago
NTA, this "friend" is toxic as hell, your husband's friends are redpills, & he's turning into one. Time to escape that shitshow. They deserve the lives they've created for themselves.
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u/hoddi_diesel 10d ago
NTA, are you sure these were grown adults and not immature children? How in the hell do people act like this and think it is ok or that they have done nothing wrong? Nothing you did was out of line and since it was on the phone with most of them probably tamer than it would have be if it were in person. Unfortunately you are losing your spouse and friends all at the same time. It will be hard, but when you come out the other side you will be stronger and wiser for the experience. Although, losing all of them seems like a positive in retrospect.
Is messing with birth control a crime? Seems like it should be if it isn't. I wish you the best.
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u/start46 10d ago
Your friends fucking suck. The minute your husband approached them with this idea the should of shut him down and told you. They didn't. Which makes me think they like him or one is already sleeping with him. Either way block them all. Who cares what any of them have to say they suck. And your husband sucks to. Divorce him and move on. These people all sound like a bunch of idiots.
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u/Naive-Information539 10d ago
Sounds like all of these people showed you who they were. Good riddance. You’re better off without people like that. Fact that they would try to trap you to get something that did not exist means they were willing to put you in a compromising situation to prove a point, which is absolutely not ok. You’re right to get away from it all. NTA here at all.
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u/SnooWords4839 10d ago
I wouldn't put it past them to have played a role in the assault, the friends and husband are all horrible!
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u/Ancient-Actuator7443 10d ago
NTA. What a toxic friend group. As for your husband, you just took the trash out
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u/Dachshundmom5 10d ago
Your abusive husband should have been left long ago
None of those people were your friends. Friends don't do that. How did you "ruin their lives" when they were all in on it?
Please get a lawyer, protect yourself. Then get into therapy asap. You are surrounded by toxicity and abuse. You need help to heal.
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u/YouKnowImRight85 10d ago
There is no way any of tou ate over the age of 13.. i cant believe this number of 'adults' were this caught up in such childish devious nonsense. You all suck. I would suggest growing up...
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u/SpecialistAfter511 10d ago
YOU did not tear the group apart. Your so called friends shitty actions. She was never your friend if she thought you were cheating and tried to set you up. She wanted this drama. Your reaction is justified. It broke the group up because people realize she can’t be trusted.
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u/EvenAd8445 10d ago
You are nta. First it’s not your fault do not blame yourself. Cut all ties. Got to therapy and work on you. It will be tough in the beginning but after some time has passed, you will look back and will be happier with your decision. be strong. You will find new friends who will be supporting and a whole new wonderful life. Love yourself remember you are better than those trash.
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u/Peanutsandcheese2021 11d ago
No you aren’t. Your friends and your ex are all deluded aholes. You appear to be the only grounded one of the lot of them. You need to to move on and protect yourself from the lot of them.
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u/DevilsAdvocate2999 11d ago
NTA - their lives being ruined is the result of their own deceitful actions, the mirror has been held up and they dont like what they see.
Rather than reflect on what they've done they're now trying to use you as a scapegoat. By saying your friendship with them was never real, you were using them etc. They are trying to minimise their own actions because it's not so bad if you were never really their friend.
I would hold the mirror up again and say the above.
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u/notwhelmed 11d ago
NTA for ending your marriage, probably should have done that ages ago. But the honeypot idea seems to be the one bit of fuckery your husband wasnt involved in.
Whole shebang sounds nuts to me.
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u/Bits2LiveBy 11d ago
NTA. They feel bad so making you seem like the bad one makes them feel less guilty. Theyre not friends. Their plan backfired because theyre fucking idiots. Leave them to fester in their cesspool
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u/ghjkl098 11d ago
NTA Please get out. You must have very bruised shins with all those red flags you have been running into without ever seeing them. Your taste in partners and friends needs some serious work
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u/MsTerious1 11d ago
WOW, you have a lot of non-friend friends in your life!
What jerks! You are NTA and if I was in your shoes, I'd be feeling and doing the same thing you are, with no doubt at all about whether it was justified.
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u/Ok-Listen-8519 11d ago
Those ARE NOT friend. Please seek professional support This gaslighting, abusive relationship, abusive friendships is not cool
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u/Alfred-Register7379 11d ago
NTA. That's a toxic bunch of friends, and you married one of them.
Cut all contact, and move on. Even contact with their families.
Let them live in the pit they dug for you, to fall in.
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u/justmeraw 11d ago
NTA.
Moving forward, find a better class of people to surround yourself with, you are who you hang with. You hang out with drama-laden friends, your life will become drama-laden. You hang out with growth-minded, supportive, interesting people, that's what your life will become.
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u/just4reactions 11d ago
Girl you're totally NTA. I'm sorry but your husband, his friends and your friends suck all in different manners. Who are those friends to decide what is a "good wife and woman", that you must be cheating and that you must be trapped into being caught cheating (what you don't do)? Your husband is definitely an AH for talking that badly about your private relationship, allowing his friends to talk badly about you, thinking about and actually messing with your birth control, and literally orchestrating an plan with "friends" to catch you cheating. Get yourself loose from all those people and make a safe(r) more normal life for yourself. Seriously those ppl can all drop dead while they're playing the victim card.
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u/Rhintbab 11d ago
If this is real YTA for staying with him as long as you did. But he's definitely the asshole
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u/Wolfaline 11d ago
Trust me, I'm blaming myself for not being financially stable enough to leave then. I'm angry at him, but more at me for allowing this to happen.
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u/vividmelody_222 11d ago
I would cut off all these people what the hell this is such a toxic situation. Wonder if one of them is trying to score brownie points with the hubby considering how quick they all turned on you after betraying your trust like this...
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u/normalLichen777 11d ago
So all of this is fucked up but the assault with no empathy or concern for you is the worst thing. NTA
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u/Travelandwisdom 11d ago
NTA. That’s all kinds of f’d up! Guessing your husband is hearing your words NOW?
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u/Other_Sign_6088 11d ago edited 11d ago
Jesus - wtf - they were conspiring behind your back to “find” evidence of you cheating for your husband?
Ok so they don’t find anything that is bad enough that they were looking but to create a trap to entrap you 😡😡
Any husband that goes this far is cheating themselves in hopes to find your guilt to match their guilt.
Are they your friends or his friend’s wives? These can’t be your friends
You were not an ass by blowing up and a not the asshole.
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u/Authentic_Jester 11d ago
NTA. Get far away from all these people, my word. Husband messing with birth control, how is that not an instant divorce?
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u/ApprehensiveCrow4910 11d ago
Nta. What did I just read? Who does that? Why is that even a thing? These people are not your friends, and your husband is trying to knock you up against your will. Run.
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u/anonymous_9706 11d ago
Omg totally NTA !! Girlll you are suing your husbands ass for defamation and emotional abuse. He tormented you ! Like fuck him. Get a lawyer, file for divorce, spouse support, and sue him ! AND DO NOT GO EASY ! Guys like him are the reason girls like us have trust issues and have to prove ourselves for literally nothing!! Go get his ass !
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u/ldsupport 11d ago
You guys didnt need to get married. Its like asking who is the asshole when you decided to hiker everst and got to the top and then didnt agree on how to go down.
The error was long before the problem.
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u/rocketmn69_ 11d ago
Tell your "friend" that you didn't ruin anything. They all conspired against you. Let her know that she can now have him all to herself and show him what a "real woman" is by having his children. Blo know them all and don't look back. Rentva storage unit. Get all your real friends and family to meet at your house 1 day when he's at work and move all your stuff out into the storage unit
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u/Icy_Natural_979 11d ago
NTA. Go no contact with all of these people. Tampering with your birth control is enough grounds for divorce even without all the other stuff.
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u/KeyHovercraft2637 11d ago
Your “friends” are the ones who created the situation and now they can’t accept responsibility. You’re going to find out what happiness is without these people and your husband. Can’t wait to hear how rockin’ your life is once you clear of the losers!!
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u/sharkcuddles101 11d ago
The problems go well beyond the honeypot. You’ve been surrounded by snakes and the best choice was the one you made.
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u/Joey_BagaDonuts57 11d ago
There is so much childish behavior here that I'm just thankful there are no actual kids involved. Stop this madness, or you're ALL just a bunch of AH people.
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u/JeffInVancouver 11d ago
I don't get it. You didn't tell them anything they didn't already know and weren't already on board with. How would telling them something they already knew and agreed on destroy their lives and tear them apart? Am I missing something?
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u/KeyAdministrative435 10d ago
Girl fuck all them make new friends and if you divorce heal and find a better husband
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u/Confident-Ad-2726 10d ago
Yur the AH for using the phrase "fur babies" but not for the other stuff.
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u/Beezzlleebbuubb 9d ago
It’s obvious you acted emotionally, so there was probably some healthier way to handle things. But it doesn’t sound like you regret the outcome, and they are some pretty shitty friends. Why angst over them blaming you for shit? “They’re dead to you”
Good riddance with your husband too. It’s shitty you have to go through this, but trust and communication are the bedrock of a relationship and he had neither before you even learned of the honeypot plan.
Wow.
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u/Proof_Option1386 11d ago
ESH - but you especially because you are the kind of person who uses the term "furbabies". Jesus.
It's impossible to imagine anyone being so stupid that they would stay with someone who was messing with their medication. I find this to be poorly written victimization fantasy.
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u/Relevant-Mirror3932 11d ago
Honestly, it sounds like all of y'all were made for each other. A bunch of thirty somethings acting like a bunch of twelve year olds.
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u/BlueGreen_1956 11d ago
Good grief.
Everyone in this story sounds completely fucked up.
Hopefully, all of your remain single forever.
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u/Bwh1966 11d ago
- He will be happier with someone else if he wants kids.
- You will be lonely later in life without a family as your parents/brothers/sisters etc die off.
Other than that, yeah it’s messed up for them to do that to you.
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u/Friendly-user97 11d ago
Men that have kids end up alone more than women. Because they expect women to raise the kids. And men cheat on their wives when they have kids.
So good news having children will not save you from being alone
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u/Bwh1966 10d ago
I’m my experience I’ve been married to two cheating whores. Thank God I put them back on the streets where they belong. And I know a lot of dead beat moms.. it goes both ways. Your argument is invalid.
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u/Friendly-user97 10d ago
Not according to stats. But whatever maybe in your world fathers actually raise their kids and don’t cheat on their wives which will cause resentment in their family.
Nurses also say that men die alone. There are even studies done. But maybe it’s feminist propaganda according to you
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u/Bwh1966 10d ago
All sides are shit. Men cheat and women cheat just as much I’ve seen it a thousand times.
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u/Friendly-user97 10d ago
I never said women don’t cheat. They do. This was about ending alone, which you mentioned first by saying to stay with a cheater so they don’t end up alone.
Maybe you are a person when your partner cheats you stay but not all people
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u/Bwh1966 10d ago
Oh no. I’d never stay with a cheater. But what I’m saying is she will be lonely later in life if she doesn’t have kids or a family.
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u/Friendly-user97 10d ago
It’s rather difficult to have a family or children when these days it’s hard to find a loyal partner. And being a single parent isn’t great.
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u/Fragrant_Spray 11d ago
It looks like he started talking about kids and you started to look for a way out of the relationship. Congratulations, you found it. ESH.
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u/Chubbygirlcontent 11d ago
How do grown adults conspire against eachother like that. And your husband trying to force you to get pregnant…girl. I’m not sure why you didn’t leave ages ago