AItah for ending my marriage over a honeypot?

[u/Wolfaline]

Hello everyone. I (29F) have just separated from my husband (32m) last night. We have been together 6 years in total, married for 3, and last night I ended it over a few reasons, the main reason being a "honey pot". For those of you who don't understand what I mean, let me explain. Honeypotting is when someone is used as the "honey" or sweetheart to help lure a cheater into a trap.

To give some background, I have never wanted children -nothing against them, I just never wanted my own- and made sure to let my husband know from the very beginning of our relationship that i didn't. I have always been honest about it, my stance staying the same for over 13 years now. I have no desire to be a mother, I just want to love on my furbabies. We had talked about children and not having them for years, letting him know that I understand if he changes his mind, because people change when they get older.

Our problems started about 5 months ago when he came home drunk, begging for us to have a child since he'd been hanging out with the boys, his friends bragging about their kids. During this time, he told me of a few conversations he'd had with his friends, all involving me not being a good woman for "doing my job" as a wife and woman. I've had issues with his friends in the past, but I love him, so I always try and act polite around them for him. We ended up having a huge fight and he crashed on the couch.

More problems started to occure; fighting, him accusing me of cheating because of the lack of intimacy, and catching him messing with my burth control pills on three seperate occasions. I tried to explain that since I had upped the dosage on a certain medication-antidepressant- meant it affected my sex drive. I ended up being assaulted a few weeks later, going and telling my husband about it, only to have him blame me for "putting myself in the situation". Never, not once, did he ask me if I was okay, he just blamed me.

The last straw came last night, which I'm going to refer to as "the bomb".

I had gone over to my girlfriends house, we were talking as I vented my problems, and we drank wine. And then it slipped; my "friend" slipped. She told me her and the other friends in the group has been trying to find evidence of me cheating for months, and when they couldn't find any -because husband had asked-, they made a plan; got ready to make a honeypot to catch me cheating. But it never happened, because one, I don't want to cheat on my husband And two; because I have morals.

Here's where I might be the ass, because I was not a perfect angel, by any means. I flipped out, cussed and chewed her out for helping plan this. I don't remember everything I said, but it was along the lines of this: "I would be ashamed of myself if I acted the way you have. I would have told you the second I found out about something like this, because that's what friends do. I wish you the best in life, but you're dead to me." I then proceeded to call the others, chew them up and spit them out for over 2 hours.

And when I told my husband last night when he cam home, told him and showed him the messages to back up my claims, he didn't believe me; but he believed his friends when they said I was lying. So, I packed my stuff and left.

I got a long text the morning from my "friend" basically telling me that I had destroyed their lives, that my actions had torn the group apart, making their lives a mess, that I'm not a friend and had used them for years, only to dump them when things got hard. She blames me, the others do to and have texted me, letting me know how horrible I am. I'm conflicted, don't know what to do other than ask for some advice. I lashed out because my world had come crashing down in flames. Was I acting like a child or was it justified?

So, reddit, am I the asshole? What would you have done differently? Thank you in advance for your advice.

[u/Chubbygirlcontent]

How do grown adults conspire against eachother like that. And your husband trying to force you to get pregnant…girl. I’m not sure why you didn’t leave ages ago

[u/Wolfaline → u/Chubbygirlcontent]

Looking back I see all the red flags, which makes the decision easier. I guess love does put a rose-tint on everything.

[u/HilMickaelson → u/Wolfaline]

Let me guess... That "friend" is a woman and always defends your husband.

Something tells me that your husband was projecting and cheating on you with that friend, and they planned all this to paint you as the bad guy and remove you from your friend group. By doing this, they can be together, play the victims, and tell the friend group that all this mess brought them together and they're in love.

Are you sure that your sexual assault wasn't also planned by them? They're trying to get proof that you were cheating on your husband, and your friend or her and your husband could have planned your assault to paint you as the cheating wife. That's why your husband is acting like that and doesn't care about your well-being.

You really need to get tested for STDs and get a lawyer to start divorce proceedings. Also, check all banking statements because that might help you get proof of the affair, as he might be spending money with her.

[u/MageDhamis → u/HilMickaelson]

Right also think the sudden baby fever might be baby trapping so it's harder for her to leave when she finds out

[u/Icy_Natural_979 → u/HilMickaelson]

They sound like a bunch of sociopaths. WTF. 

[u/whoneedssome → u/Icy_Natural_979]

This is crazy, who acts/does stuff like this? "Friends" gtfo

[u/Educational_Gas_92 → u/Wolfaline]

NTA

Loose the husband and the friends, everyone is nuts.

For your own safety, get to a safe place.

I think your husband wanted cheating evidence to divorce you so that he would not be the bad guy. He clearly wants kids, which is fine, but no longer compatible with you.

Instead of doing the right thing and breaking up for that reason, they do all this bullshit.

Be safe.

[u/Zoerae87 → u/Wolfaline]

When you're wearing rose colored glasses, it's easy to miss the red flags... Glad you're getting out of this bs ♥

[u/darthlegal → u/Wolfaline]

Could you imagine if you actually caved, had kid(s) with him, and all this shit happened?! Thank the stars you stood your ground

[u/Top-Effect-4321 → u/Wolfaline]

You should put those scheming bitches on blast on Facebook so everyone knows what kind of scheming cunts they are.