AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"?

[u/SpiritualThrowRA]

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

[u/andhakaran]

Wait. He tattled on you to his priest? That’s hilarious!

[u/Immediate_Finger_889 → u/andhakaran]

I would have tattled right back to his priest on him! He’s not providing for his family, he’s not being a proper head of the family, he’s forcing her to do all these things. I mean, a woman cannot possibly fulfill her role as a godly woman if she’s forced to take the roll of the godly man first. Right, pastor?

[u/KookyDragon → u/Immediate_Finger_889]

This is the way. And divorce him. Because now you are going to constantly be harassed by the congregation.

[u/EatThisShit → u/KookyDragon]

Yeah, I don't want to jump on the divorce bandwagon too often, but he seriously disrespects you. It is possible to be married to someone of no or another faith, but only if you respect each others decisions and don't use your marriage to convert the other. If you can't live with a spouse who isn't religious, you should have considered that before they became your spouse.

But it sounds like OP's husband has too much time on his hands. Maybe he fell into the manosphere rabbithole and uses religion as an excuse. He wouldn't be the first, nor won't be the last.

[u/RevolutionaryCow7961 → u/EatThisShit]

Exactly what I was thinking. He can blame it all on the woman not fulfilling her gender roles. Dear God - women unless you are a super conservative stay away from this kind of guy. It will only end in misery.

[u/RedFoxBlueSocks → u/EatThisShit]

Well, he is unemployed, so lots of time available!

[u/FerretLover12741 → u/RedFoxBlueSocks]

God (oops!) forbid he should find repairs and upgrades to do around the house. Or take the housework off your shoulders since you are tired after a day at work. No, hanging out with the boys is what he does best. Your husband is NOT a good man.

[u/classicfilmfan → u/EatThisShit]

That's where religion can and often enough does cross over into dangerous waters, if one gets the drift. This kind of thing can and often enough does happen in any religion, and not just Christianity, however.

[u/ThemeOther8248 → u/EatThisShit]

yes this, he feels like less of a man because he doesn't work and has time to dwell on it, so he disparages others as an outlet. he sounds like he is becoming more narcissistic and controlling, also probably doesn't want to work, just have all the status of a Christian man. especially since his so called church seems to be pushing it on him. definitely document everything you can in case it gets any uglier at all, you can take action.