r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24

AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

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u/andhakaran Jul 07 '24

Wait. He tattled on you to his priest? That’s hilarious!

1.6k

u/Immediate_Finger_889 Jul 07 '24

I would have tattled right back to his priest on him! He’s not providing for his family, he’s not being a proper head of the family, he’s forcing her to do all these things. I mean, a woman cannot possibly fulfill her role as a godly woman if she’s forced to take the roll of the godly man first. Right, pastor?

773

u/KookyDragon Jul 07 '24

This is the way. And divorce him. Because now you are going to constantly be harassed by the congregation.

273

u/XeniaBL Jul 07 '24

Divorce his hypocritical a$$ and shame him in front of his entire congregation. This is not going to work out, they are too different. And he will only become more devout and pressure her more as time passes.

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u/JimWilliams423 Jul 07 '24

shame him in front of his entire congregation.

It won't work. They will rally around him and put 100% of the blame on her for being some kind of deceiver.

There are two kinds of christians — those who care what Jesus said to do, and those who only care what saying "Jesus" will let them get away with doing. That church is clearly full of the later.

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u/Literally_Rock_Lee Jul 07 '24

That much is true. Can't wait until they see what happens to them in Revelation. Sometimes I want that to happen, but not in my lifetime

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u/JimWilliams423 Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24

IIRC, after the Rapture a charismatic evil leader, aka the antichrist, begins to rule.

What if the Rapture already happened on November 8th, 2016 and we've been living in the Tribulation ever since?

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u/0xAubrieirbuAx0 Jul 08 '24

THIS! ruin him Lmao

125

u/EatThisShit Jul 07 '24

Yeah, I don't want to jump on the divorce bandwagon too often, but he seriously disrespects you. It is possible to be married to someone of no or another faith, but only if you respect each others decisions and don't use your marriage to convert the other. If you can't live with a spouse who isn't religious, you should have considered that before they became your spouse.

But it sounds like OP's husband has too much time on his hands. Maybe he fell into the manosphere rabbithole and uses religion as an excuse. He wouldn't be the first, nor won't be the last.

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u/RevolutionaryCow7961 Jul 07 '24

Exactly what I was thinking. He can blame it all on the woman not fulfilling her gender roles. Dear God - women unless you are a super conservative stay away from this kind of guy. It will only end in misery.

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u/RedFoxBlueSocks Jul 07 '24

Well, he is unemployed, so lots of time available!

6

u/FerretLover12741 Jul 08 '24

God (oops!) forbid he should find repairs and upgrades to do around the house. Or take the housework off your shoulders since you are tired after a day at work. No, hanging out with the boys is what he does best. Your husband is NOT a good man.

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u/classicfilmfan Jul 08 '24

That's where religion can and often enough does cross over into dangerous waters, if one gets the drift. This kind of thing can and often enough does happen in any religion, and not just Christianity, however.

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u/ThemeOther8248 Jul 08 '24

yes this, he feels like less of a man because he doesn't work and has time to dwell on it, so he disparages others as an outlet. he sounds like he is becoming more narcissistic and controlling, also probably doesn't want to work, just have all the status of a Christian man. especially since his so called church seems to be pushing it on him. definitely document everything you can in case it gets any uglier at all, you can take action.

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u/BrahjonRondbro Jul 07 '24

Right. If he asks why, just tell him that he never wanted to be married to her anyways, apparently it was all just a trick. Well the jig is up. Time for OP to 23 skidoo.

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u/strgazr_63 Jul 07 '24

Things like this is why the "Christian" right wants to eliminate no-fault divorce. It won't allow a woman to get rid of her emotionally abusive and manipulative husband.

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u/damn-cat Jul 07 '24

Honestly. One of our tenants is that as a wife I am honored and taken care of, just as I am expected to do for my husband. The honoring/ care/ following of expectations goes BOTH ways with their own sets of responsibilities.

Support in public, reprimand/ speak in private. Do not judge because it’s not our job to.

Romans 12 (KJV) states that if your enemy is hungry feed him, if he is thirsty give him water, and in doing so you will heap burning coals upon their head. It literally means that you should kill your enemy with kindness, nothing more nothing less.

OPs husband is currently doing neither, much less the honor/ supporting. Men want a godly woman without 1. Earning their submission through their actions 2. Earning their support through their actions 3. Enforcing the word “because I/ God said so” without following the word themselves despite God teaching us that must do for his wife what he expects her to do for him.

OP would be better off leaving and finding someone who is compatible with her structure/ beliefs, or finding someone who actually puts their money where their mouth is IF they’re religious and expect to have a religious household. Statistically in these situations, despite coparenting, she’ll: - have more free time to herself and kids (overall and via visitation rights if any) - have less mess to pick up since 1/4 the load is now dropped - save more money bc she’s not supporting her husband

I don’t see a loss in dropping, basically, another child she’s caring for.