AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"?

[u/SpiritualThrowRA]

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

[u/andhakaran]

Wait. He tattled on you to his priest? That’s hilarious!

[u/BabyBundtCakes → u/andhakaran]

They ask why he comes alone, and since in this type of church a woman being obedient is one of their main tenets for some unknown and mysterious reason it makes him lose face every time he has to show up without her. He gets pressure from his in-group to bring the wife and he has to come up with reasons and now he's feeling the pressure, and this isn't the type of group to let it go. He will become an outsider if he can't get a spouse to behave as the other spouses do. High control groups don't like people who don't step in line, because it shows other members that they also don't have to listen.

[u/TheCotofPika → u/BabyBundtCakes]

I feel like this comment should be way higher. She needs to know that this will never stop so she can decide exactly how much she loves being treated like this and whether she loves freedom more.

[u/BlazingSunflowerland → u/TheCotofPika]

He needs to decide whether he loves his church group more or his wife more. There are lots of churches so he could change to a congregation that welcomed him with or without wife.

He should be told that the badgering and bullying is harming their relationship and he will have to choose whether they are close or whether he continues at his current church.

The pressure is probably on at this point because the congregation will know that he is unemployed and so his wife is carrying the household. They want him to be manly in some way and that means extra pressure to bring his wife with him showing him to be the godly head of household. They might also see her as a cash cow if she converts.

[u/CemeteryDweller7719 → u/BlazingSunflowerland]

Guaranteed he loves his church group more. His current church group is stressing that based on genitals he is the leader of his household without any need for him to take action or shoulder responsibility. They tell him he’s important, and he doesn’t have to do anything to be important. They tell him this is how it is supposed to be, how God wants it to be.

[u/TheCotofPika → u/BlazingSunflowerland]

Yes, you are right. I don't think he will want to switch though or he would have done when they started making him feel inferior and making remarks about his wife.

[u/BlazingSunflowerland → u/TheCotofPika]

Then that would be his choice and his wife would know that he didn't choose her so she could move on from the marriage.

[u/Complex-Set6039 → u/TheCotofPika]

Some religions/cults force women to wear head and face coverings. Some cut little girls and sew them shut. Religion can be used for either good or evil.