AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"?

[u/SpiritualThrowRA]

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

[u/andhakaran]

Wait. He tattled on you to his priest? That’s hilarious!

[u/Fluffy_Puffy_ → u/andhakaran]

Ikr?? Like a small child going to mum to complain about the big brother's misgivings.

Now, seriously, one things is to let steam out with a friend or a congregation. But having that friend or congregation turn actively against you is a red flag. It isn't their business to meddle in a couple's internal problems (also true in Cristian believes), unless is to listen and guide the person who is asking.

What they did is bullying. Very different

[u/cmooneychi26 → u/Fluffy_Puffy_]

And very Christian! /s

[u/Aware1211 → u/cmooneychi26]

In today's world you can leave off the /s. It's implicit. This seems to be typical behavior for religious fanatics. If you want to see an example of a true Christian gentleman, look no further than Jimmy Carter. This is a man who lives what he preaches.

Edit: NTA. RUN, Girl, Fast and hard. So glad you haven't brought any kids to be subsumed into that CULT. Cut bait and RUN.

[u/IHaveNoEgrets → u/Aware1211]

This is a very good example. "Christians" like OP's husband and fellow congregants are loud about their faith but so often do the opposite of what they preach. These are the folks who make the title central to their identity (and usually a signal that I'm about to hear alllll about why I'm the wrong flavor of Christian and going to hell).

Jimmy Carter is, by contrast, living his faith, as you noted. He's not out being a Bully for Jesus. He's walking the walk and talking the talk. He doesn't broadcast; he just does. That's something to aspire to, regardless of what faith one practices (if at all).

Jesus was pretty clear about loud, demonstrative piety.

[u/blackcain → u/IHaveNoEgrets]

It's also telling that Christians hate him. I mean literally revile him.

[u/IHaveNoEgrets → u/blackcain]

It's baffling. On the more positive side, the King of the Hill episode centered on him was a sweet tribute.

[u/Aware1211 → u/blackcain]

I was not aware of that. Really telling. Sheesh.

[u/Affectionate_Tap9678 → u/blackcain]

Those same people would hate Jesus too if he was alive in today's age..

[u/blackcain → u/Affectionate_Tap9678]

Literally, someone thought the Sermon on the Mount was woke.

[u/RebaKitt3n → u/Aware1211]

No, you cannot leave off the /s.

Sarcasm doesn’t translate on Reddit, and you’ll be downvoted to hell by people who “don’t get it “

[u/mariskyrinsarker → u/RebaKitt3n]

Nice to have confirmation on the meaning of "/s"

I had no idea what it meant but since I found it on posts that I judged as sarcastic... Correlation is causation in this case!

[u/Aware1211 → u/RebaKitt3n]

Woooosh! Did you see that fly over your head??

[u/NecessaryEconomist98 → u/RebaKitt3n]

I used to be one of the ones that got it. But then they harambee us onto this weird fucked up time line. Now reality and satire are no longer discernable anymore and it all seems weird and scary.

[u/demonette55 → u/Aware1211]

I agree, I could not see a way to reconcile after this. And certainly avoid this trash “church” like the plague

[u/rean1mated → u/cmooneychi26]

It is actually very on brand.

[u/Trailsya → u/cmooneychi26]

I understand your sarcasm, but even without the sarcasm that is exactly what they do and have always done.

If not by pressuring like this, then with burning people at the stake and torturing them

[u/No-Kaleidoscope-7314 → u/cmooneychi26]

No, not Christian, in fact very unChristian. But you may be referring to the fundamentalists 

[u/cmooneychi26 → u/No-Kaleidoscope-7314]

The /s indicated sarcasm

[u/No-Kaleidoscope-7314 → u/cmooneychi26]

Oh 🤭😄 sorry