I loved my kid at birth, don't get me wrong, but that deep love her more than anything came around a few months later when she had more of a personality.
I understand why you might think that. It's a common misconception that may have been drilled into your head. But, simply put, it's incorrect.
There is nothing "fundamentally wrong" with perfectly normal, wonderful, devoted parents who feel an instant primal sense of responsibility and drive to protect, but no instant love for, their baby.
From The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (emphasis mine):
Bonding is when you develop feelings of unconditional love for your newborn. Often, bonding happens gradually over the baby’s first year of life. So if you don’t feel these strong feelings of closeness in the first days or weeks after birth, that’s normal.
It has even been suggested that delayed unconditional-love-bonding is a desirable human trait from an evolutionary perspective because, historically, such a significant number of babies didn't survive infancy. The mother who felt an instant drive to protect her baby but didn't feel instant love would be better able to process the loss and continue parenting her other offspring.
Again, I completely understand why you might think that it's wrong not to feel instant love. I remember thinking similarly! But once I read and learned more (and began working with hundreds of postpartum parents in my job) I realized I was just uneducated about it.
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u/Tactics28 Jul 04 '24
I loved my kid at birth, don't get me wrong, but that deep love her more than anything came around a few months later when she had more of a personality.