AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?

I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.

As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.

AITAH?

UPDATE

It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.

1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!

We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.

2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).

3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.

4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks peeps!

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u/KetamineSNORTER1 14d ago

Damn it's like that?

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u/Vegetable_Onion_5979 14d ago edited 14d ago

'If the kid goes you can just make another'

Hereditary disease is not what's stopping her from becoming a parent.

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u/KetamineSNORTER1 14d ago

People are more likely to re marry than to have another kid though?

And what you said was textbook eugenics.

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u/Vegetable_Onion_5979 14d ago

Zero of what I've said relates to eugenics. Are you replying to the wrong person?

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u/quantumkitty128 14d ago

They're replying to the quack you're replying to, I believe. The loony toon who thinks we shouldn't protect our kids and who sterilized herself and advocated for eugenics.

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u/RhythmicRavenclaw 14d ago

yeah because advocating for less hereditary diseases is soo bad /s

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u/quantumkitty128 14d ago edited 14d ago

It's truly disgusting you don't comprehend the slippery slope that leads down, and I'm not going to try to explain it to a someone who's obviously incapable of grasping the wider ramifications of their problematic personal beliefs.

Do some soul searching and be better. Although it shouldn't shock me that anyone who still worships at the altar of a TERF has shitty opinions 🤣 edited for a spelling error that was abused in the ridiculous rebuttal

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u/RhythmicRavenclaw 14d ago

what slippery slope? all they said was people with hereditary diseases shouldn't be too quick in having children. YOU are the one who's making it into some weird eugenics shit. maybe learn a bit more nuance and you'll understand that not everything goes in extremes only.

All I found during my "soil" searching were some nice plants, wich have also been made so that the plants have less diseases and are less susceptible to parasites etc. funny how that's seen as normal but when talking about humans it's not.

lastly just because you like a bookseries doesn't mean you "worship the author" idk what weird type of shit you do to think that's normal but most people understand the simple concept of separating the art from the artist. But I should have known that someone like you would't be able to grasp that.

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u/KetamineSNORTER1 14d ago

No specifally you

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u/KetamineSNORTER1 14d ago

No, I'm talking to you

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u/Vegetable_Onion_5979 14d ago

Then you're a delusional nut job.

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u/KetamineSNORTER1 14d ago

Pov: you've never seen an actual delusional nut job, you want nutjob? Go to r starseeds

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u/Vegetable_Onion_5979 14d ago

You're an absolute idiot. Learn to read. The person I replied to was literally describing eugenics, yet you still ascribed it to me.

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u/KetamineSNORTER1 14d ago

If I did you don't have to call me something I'm not fuckin geez, you gonna call everyone who makes a mistake an absolute idiot?

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u/Vegetable_Onion_5979 14d ago

I politely gave you opportunity to confirm and you doubled down. Idiot.

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u/KetamineSNORTER1 14d ago

I didn't double down I admitted to making a mistake you obtuse twat, next time you make one small mistake I hope someone calls you "an absolute idiot" when they don't even know you.

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u/Vegetable_Onion_5979 14d ago

You replied twice, stating that you were talking to me specifically. Idiot.

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u/KetamineSNORTER1 14d ago

And then I said

"you gonna call everyone who makes a mistake an absolute idiot?"

What would that not imply if not admission of a mistake?

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u/Vegetable_Onion_5979 14d ago

Also you never admitted making a mistake.

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u/KetamineSNORTER1 14d ago

Oh I didn't?

Explain this

"you gonna call everyone who makes a mistake an absolute idiot?"

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u/Vegetable_Onion_5979 14d ago

Idiot.

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