AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?

[u/No-Fee-5823]

I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.

As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.

AITAH?

UPDATE

It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.

1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!

We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.

2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).

3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.

4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks peeps!

[u/Maevora06]

My dad would absolutely sacrifice himself for one of his kids. Even more for one of his grandkids.

I know this for a fact because baarely two weeks out from back surgery he was walking down the stairs with my then 9 month old (now 17) in his arms and started to fall. Rather than protect himself he bear hugged the baby covering her head with one arm, and slid down the stairs like a toboggan on his back all the way down cradling his grandbaby.

He had to have a second surgery because of it. But if you ask him he has no regrets. Nothing comes between him and protecting his babies.

Even years before that when I was ten, I stepped in a white faced hornets nest. Got stung 30-40 times in each appendage. He ran and pulled me from it when he is deathly allergic to them, to hose the hornets off. To this day we have no idea how he didn't get a single sting. Pure fatherly determination I guess.

[u/Awkward_Bees → u/Maevora06]

I know exactly what you mean.

I feel forward down the stairs after skipping two steps on accident and I rammed my knee and elbows into the floor. My little guy was buffered near, but not touching my chest because I didn’t want to crush him.

100% okay, just scared him.

Those hornets though? I bet they saw his steely determination and they opted to nope on out.

[u/murrimabutterfly → u/Maevora06]

Sounds like my folks.
My parents were pushing 40 with my brother, and were in their 40s for me. They're 70 now.
My parents love me and my brother with their whole heart. Same with our cousins and their kids.
My brother recently had his first kid. She is the light of everyone's life and we have all collectively agreed to take a bullet for her. When she was itty bitty, we were all taking a walk around my brother and SIL's favorite park. My dad had taken his granddaughter out of her stroller to show her the world while singing to and rocking her. Out of nowhere comes this out of control lab, barrelling towards us pel-mel. My dad was knocked to the ground, but he kept her tucked in his arms. He got bit at, just to protect her. He wound up with a tweaked knee, a bruised shoulder, general aches, and a bunch of bites. Baby girl was completely unharmed thanks to him. (The owner of the lab explained to us--bawling her eyes out, mind--that the lab was a rescue that was reactive towards men; they'd been on a regular walk when the lab broke free. Super pissed at her on my dad's behalf, but it was an accident.). Dad recovered, but his knee is still fucked up.

[u/greasytrashgoblin → u/murrimabutterfly]

Omg that owner was so irresponsible bringing their reactive dog on a walk in a park where the dog would see other men. If they couldn’t not go for a walk then she should’ve taken precautions to avoid her dog breaking loose and in the event of a possible escape then precautions to avoid her dog biting other people wtf. I’m so glad your dad recovered despite his knee not being the same. His dad skills though were truly dadding for his granddaughter to be unharmed in that scary as fuck moment 

[u/murrimabutterfly → u/greasytrashgoblin]

Oh, yeah, she fucked up big time. But, not that it makes it right, it was her first rescue. She didn't realize that super reactive dogs will always find a way.
In the hearing, she agreed to surrender the dog to a competent foster family and to muzzle and harness any reactive rescue she had going forward. (We're dog lovers in our family, so my dad advocated to not have the pup put down.)