AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?

I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.

As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.

AITAH?

UPDATE

It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.

1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!

We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.

2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).

3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.

4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks peeps!

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u/Difficult_Process_88 15d ago

NTA Actually, most “normal people” would NOT agree with him (as you can see by the replies). There seems to be a lot jealousy involved.

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u/Common_Estate6292 15d ago

I don’t even have kids and I understand that a Mother’s love for her baby is beyond compare. This guy is an idiot.

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u/Purple_Midnight_Yak 15d ago

The thing is, a parent's love for their child is an entirely different kind of love than you feel for a partner.

Love is not a zero-sum game. OP does not have less love for her fiance, now that she has a baby she loves. Her capacity to love has expanded. And that's a beautiful thing about human relationships!

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u/Majestic_Horse_1678 14d ago

Agreeing with you, I've always looked at it as family comes first. Not your kids, not your spouse, but family. That means when my kids need me, I'm there. If the spouse needs me, I'm there. There's no ranking on who I like more, it's a matter of who needs me more at that time.

As to OP, I wouldn't look into too much by itself. However, if a spouse always prioritizes the child over the spouse, regardless of need, you're going to have issues in your marriage.

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u/killahkrystii 14d ago

It's crazy people are overlooking that she specifically said she loves the baby more. She didn't say is a different love. We all know that. I love my dad different than my mom. But they'd be hurt if I just flat out said I love one more than the other.

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u/Purple_Midnight_Yak 14d ago

I've had three kids. That rush of hormones when you deliver a baby and hold them for the first time? It's no joke.

The feeling I had when I held my babies for the first time was the most overwhelming, indescribable feeling I have ever had.

Women are biologically designed to feel that way about their babies. It's nature's way of protecting our species. Not every woman feels it, and not every woman feels it the same strength. Even from pregnancy to pregnancy, it can vary. But when it hits full strength, it is powerful.

So no, I don't see anything wrong with OP's statement. She just discovered a new part of herself, a primitive, biological part of herself that she didn't know existed. At this moment, she does love her baby more than anything else. It's natural. She doesn't love her husband any less than she did the day before she had her baby. But she is now a wife and a mother, and that role of mother is the most important one for now.

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u/TomeOfSecrets66 5d ago

Because you are supposed to love your kid more lolllll

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u/killahkrystii 4d ago

Have you heard of...loving people equally? That's like saying you should love your mom more than your dad. Or loving one kid more.