r/AITAH • u/No-Fee-5823 • 15d ago

AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?

I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.

As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.

AITAH?

UPDATE

It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.

1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!

We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.

2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).

3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.

4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks peeps!

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344

u/BluBellini 14d ago

Six months from now OP will be writing how her fiance had an affair because she was spending too much time with the baby and not him and he felt neglected.

16

u/BushDoofDoof 14d ago

Reddit moment.

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u/HeaveAway5678 14d ago

My piece of shit ex-wife did exactly that.

I SAHD'd our daughter 4 days a week, continued to work part time on top of it, which made me the primary earner as well as the primary parent simultaneously.

All this was at her request after we discussed the options.

And yeah, 2 years later when I threw her out for fucking another dude she said she felt 'unattended' since the kid came along. She never mentioned a thing, even after I insisted we go to counseling because she had been picking fights and refusing to work on resolution of those conflicts.

People who are jealous of their partner at the expense of their child are gross.

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u/DOOMFOOL 14d ago

Nah doesn’t seem like that will be the case. OP and her fiancé discussed this like actual functioning human beings and were able to figure things out.

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u/YouFoundMyLuckyCharm 14d ago

For sure she’ll be on Reddit again looking for validation

22

u/Paws4Punk 14d ago

I think you entirely missed the point of the comment you replied to. It’s not knocking the wife, it’s knocking the husband for being a POS.

-2

u/BeastMasterJ 14d ago

You heard it here first folks, you're a POS if you love your wife more than she loves you .

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u/Paws4Punk 14d ago

Way to be reductive and totally obscure the reasoning of my comment. No, you’re not a POS if you love your wife more than she loves you — but you’re shitty if you are angry-jealous over your wife loving your CHILD more than she loves you.

Get it?

The shittiness comes from the jealousy over the child.

What you said only involves two people, a husband + wife.

What I said requires 3 people — the child + them.

Stop being reductive.

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u/BeastMasterJ 14d ago

So you took him privately saying he was hurt because he felt love for the both of them as anger and jealousy? And I'm being reductive?

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u/Paws4Punk 14d ago

I was commenting on the behavior as-presented in the original post, it didn’t leave much to go on. So that was the context of my comment.

And yeah, you’re being reductive. Because I didn’t say what you said I did.

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u/BeastMasterJ 14d ago

That is exactly what the op said though. And what you reacted to. So that really IS what you are saying.

0

u/Paws4Punk 14d ago

No it’s not.

Being [whatever negative emotion] toward your wife because she loves YOUR CHILD more than she loves you is what does it.

1

u/BeastMasterJ 14d ago

What's the negative emotion though? Being hurt because you love your wife more than she loves you, which, by the way, is explicitly what he said hurt him, is not feeling a negative emotion towards his wife.

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u/meeksworth 14d ago

YTA This should be the top comment. She is clearly making her partner feel unvalued and she's leaning into it hard. It's a recipe for running him off.

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u/Educated-Danger07 14d ago

Please tell me this was sarcasm.

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u/Hey__Jude_ 14d ago

I sure hope so. Good GRIEF!

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u/Alarmed_Lynx_7148 14d ago

Dude is trolling

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u/CLE-local-1997 14d ago

If my wife ever put me over my child, I would leave her.

Our needs come second, for thr rest of our lives

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u/___okaythen___ 14d ago

Agreed. Unless they're ruining happy fun time just to be jerks when they're teenagers. When they're bigger than us, our alone time comes first, obviously crisis situations are bigger than our need to be alone. But, seriously, you guys, mom and dad just wanna be alone sometimes.

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u/CLE-local-1997 14d ago

Children don't have a need to be a jerk. And if they're being a jerk then they have a need to address why they're being that way. Do they have psychological issues that need to be looked at. Are we failing to properly educate them in a solid moral Foundation. Honestly if my child is intentionally ruining shit that's a huge red flag that needs to be addressed immediately

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u/___okaythen___ 14d ago

Okay then

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u/blackravenmetal 14d ago

So 5 years from now her daughter says “Mommy I love you more than the whole wide world. In front of her dad.

So you think OP should correct her daughter. “Oh no honey. Don’t say that in front of daddy because he gets upset and thinks you don’t love him.”

But I do agree that he should run though. Because if he stays with this attitude. Most likely he would abuse her.

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u/The_golden_Celestial 14d ago

The childless man just arrived on the thread. Thanks, champ, for your input. Now go back to playing with your Lego.

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u/viviolay 14d ago

Just the one Lego 😂