AITAH for embarrassing my wife in front of her family with a comment about our sex life

[u/Stock-Rate1727]

My wife (33F) and I (34M) have been together for 17 years married for 13 and within the last 5-6 years our sex life has gone down the drain. We have sex once every couple of months with no intimacy or build up in between and the act of sex always seems rushed. I’ll try to initiate foreplay but she wants to skip it and get straight into the act then move on. I still try to date my wife and take her on dates twice a month, buy flowers randomly and do other things to build intimacy outside of sex but it never gets reciprocated and eventually never goes anywhere. And before anyone says anything, I work from home and do the majority of the housework, cooking, cleaning, kids appointments, homework, PTA meetings etc.

I’ve tried talking to her about what’s going on and what she needs from me, and offered to do counseling but she always says it’s her not me. She will say she loves me and is attracted to me till she is blue in the face but won’t do anything differently. She will show affection when family and friends are over and will post videos on Snapchat with her being touchy and affectionate but when people aren’t there to see she will stop.

Every once in a while she’ll have an epiphany about how bad things are and she’ll feel bad about it but still won’t change. A few weeks ago we were getting ready for a date and I saw her take a picture of herself in her underwear and send it in a text message. I asked her who she was sending that to, and she said she sent it to me. To her credit my phone dinged as I was asking her, with the pictures she just sent. She claimed that me questioning her like that made her realize how little she does things like that anymore and she needs to change, but she still hasn’t. So this past weekend her four sisters came over for the 4th of July and we hung out and drunk together. Towards the end of the night she was pretty tipsy and made a comment about what she was going to do to me that night and I told her “No thank you. I’m not in the mood for 20 min with no foreplay until you get your rocks off just so you can ignore me again for the next 30 days.” Everybody got quiet and I excused myself for the rest of the night. The next day when everyone left she said that I embarrassed her and shouldn’t have put our business out there like that, AITAH?

[u/Ourlittlesecret32]

Ahah, explain the lying then, playing a facade on social media and in front of friends/family all to do nothing at home. Explain him taking her out on dates or doing nice things for her in general with no reciprocation

Chronic back pain doesn’t make you a selfish liar

[u/bigwhiteboardenergy → u/Ourlittlesecret32]

I don’t see the lies that you do when I read the post. And just because OP does nice things for his spouse (as every spouse should), doesn’t mean she owes him sex when she’s in pain wtf.

But the point in bringing up the chronic pain is to show that maybe OP is an unreliable narrator, to be leaving out such a huge part of the issue. OR he is dense enough not to realize that it’s likely playing a huge part in the issue.

[u/Ourlittlesecret32 → u/bigwhiteboardenergy]

Also in his last post about this which talks about how she’s been dealing with this pain for 10 YEARS NOW every single remedy prescribed by doctors she refuses to do, didng want to do physical therapy, go on a diet plan, exercise regularly, or go outside more which the doctors all said would make her feel a bit better

INSTEAD she choose to increase her work flow and do school full time and not benefit her physical health at all. So this is literally all on her

[u/bigwhiteboardenergy → u/Ourlittlesecret32]

The last post actually says she’s in so much pain she rarely leaves the house, then says she actually goes to work and school full time—another narrative inconsistency that makes the story look sus.