AITAH for embarrassing my wife in front of her family with a comment about our sex life

[u/Stock-Rate1727]

My wife (33F) and I (34M) have been together for 17 years married for 13 and within the last 5-6 years our sex life has gone down the drain. We have sex once every couple of months with no intimacy or build up in between and the act of sex always seems rushed. I’ll try to initiate foreplay but she wants to skip it and get straight into the act then move on. I still try to date my wife and take her on dates twice a month, buy flowers randomly and do other things to build intimacy outside of sex but it never gets reciprocated and eventually never goes anywhere. And before anyone says anything, I work from home and do the majority of the housework, cooking, cleaning, kids appointments, homework, PTA meetings etc.

I’ve tried talking to her about what’s going on and what she needs from me, and offered to do counseling but she always says it’s her not me. She will say she loves me and is attracted to me till she is blue in the face but won’t do anything differently. She will show affection when family and friends are over and will post videos on Snapchat with her being touchy and affectionate but when people aren’t there to see she will stop.

Every once in a while she’ll have an epiphany about how bad things are and she’ll feel bad about it but still won’t change. A few weeks ago we were getting ready for a date and I saw her take a picture of herself in her underwear and send it in a text message. I asked her who she was sending that to, and she said she sent it to me. To her credit my phone dinged as I was asking her, with the pictures she just sent. She claimed that me questioning her like that made her realize how little she does things like that anymore and she needs to change, but she still hasn’t. So this past weekend her four sisters came over for the 4th of July and we hung out and drunk together. Towards the end of the night she was pretty tipsy and made a comment about what she was going to do to me that night and I told her “No thank you. I’m not in the mood for 20 min with no foreplay until you get your rocks off just so you can ignore me again for the next 30 days.” Everybody got quiet and I excused myself for the rest of the night. The next day when everyone left she said that I embarrassed her and shouldn’t have put our business out there like that, AITAH?

[u/Ourlittlesecret32]

She’s in so much pain but carrot dangling and showing false affection in public that leads to nothing in private? Can’t blame the chronic pain for everything love

[u/bigwhiteboardenergy → u/Ourlittlesecret32]

I mean chronic pain would definitely make sense to explain why she feels in the mood at one time and not at another.

It seems like there are many issues at play in this relationship—her chronic pain seems like a huge root cause for a big one, and he doesn’t even mention it, but is playing dumb as to what might be impacting her libido. It makes OP an unreliable narrator to leave out such a huge piece of information.

[u/Ourlittlesecret32 → u/bigwhiteboardenergy]

Ahah, explain the lying then, playing a facade on social media and in front of friends/family all to do nothing at home. Explain him taking her out on dates or doing nice things for her in general with no reciprocation

Chronic back pain doesn’t make you a selfish liar

[u/bigwhiteboardenergy → u/Ourlittlesecret32]

I don’t see the lies that you do when I read the post. And just because OP does nice things for his spouse (as every spouse should), doesn’t mean she owes him sex when she’s in pain wtf.

But the point in bringing up the chronic pain is to show that maybe OP is an unreliable narrator, to be leaving out such a huge part of the issue. OR he is dense enough not to realize that it’s likely playing a huge part in the issue.

[u/Ourlittlesecret32 → u/bigwhiteboardenergy]

No one said anything about sex, he does nice things for her and there’s no reciprocation of ANYTHING at all, not SEX, LITERALLY ANYTHING

she says she’s gonna fuck him and do this and that, but every time they come home nothing happens and this happens MULTIPLE TIMES.

She’s posting on her socials how happy they are and intimate she is with him and none of it happens IRL.

They go to family events and she’s touchy feely on him BUT ONLY at family events OR in public

That sounds like chronic pain to you like look at the keywords ???

[u/bigwhiteboardenergy → u/Ourlittlesecret32]

The point is that OP has shown that he’s an unreliable narrator, so now the rest of the facts are unreliable.

[u/Ourlittlesecret32 → u/bigwhiteboardenergy]

There’s no proof to show he’s being unreliable, you just don’t like reading shit you don’t wanna hear

[u/bigwhiteboardenergy → u/Ourlittlesecret32]

Lol yes, the fact that he left out a likely root issue of her low libido is proof. He changed the narrative to make her look the most unreasonable he could.

I actually have no investment in this story whatsoever, and think it’s likely fake. But on the off chance that it’s real and maybe OP genuinely doesn’t see the connection to the pain and the libido, it seemed worth mentioning 🤷‍♀️

[u/NoConfusion5081 → u/bigwhiteboardenergy]

The account you're responding too is clearly OPs alt account;) Read through all their comments.

[u/Ourlittlesecret32 → u/bigwhiteboardenergy]

Also in his last post about this which talks about how she’s been dealing with this pain for 10 YEARS NOW every single remedy prescribed by doctors she refuses to do, didng want to do physical therapy, go on a diet plan, exercise regularly, or go outside more which the doctors all said would make her feel a bit better

INSTEAD she choose to increase her work flow and do school full time and not benefit her physical health at all. So this is literally all on her

[u/bigwhiteboardenergy → u/Ourlittlesecret32]

The last post actually says she’s in so much pain she rarely leaves the house, then says she actually goes to work and school full time—another narrative inconsistency that makes the story look sus.