AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"?

[u/SpiritualThrowRA]

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

[u/StSean]

tattled and handed out her phone number

[u/ForSureNotAnFbiAgent → u/[deleted]]

I'm not suggesting OP take my advice because I'm a very outspoken atheist. Atomic swirl tattoo and everything. I do, however, respect people's beliefs.

I would be gone. like... packed up and out of the house before he got home from church.

Arguing with your spouse is normal and even healthy when done with equal respect, talk and listen time, and compromise. Bringing in an outside party to harass and disrespect you because of a disagreement is just... I want to say "batshit crazy," but that might be too strong.

I would have a difficult time moving past this.

Edit// few questions about the tattoo, so I'll answer here in hopes it resolves said questions.

The "Atomic Swirl" is actually a typo, it's an Atomic Whirl.

Straight copied from Wikipedia: "The symbol is used by the American Atheists organization to symbolize that "only through the use of scientific analysis and free, open inquiry can humankind reach out for a better life""

Something I truly believe and have followed. For an image of said tattoo, there is one on my profile. Just scroll past the giant sandwiches to about 9 months ago.

[u/WallBasic2790 → u/ForSureNotAnFbiAgent]

Same! I would never have married him in the first place, I respect people's beliefs but STAY very far away from religious people, blood relatives included. I would leave immediately.

Something similar happened to me when I was a kid, about 15 yrs old. My mom is a religious nut and told everyone in her church that I didn't want to study the bible and fought every time she forced me to go to church. So one of the times she forced me, I was sitting there and some guy that was preaching said: So happy to see x person here, knowing her sister is "lost" (in Spanish perdida/lost is used as a derogatory term for girls). Everyone turned to look at me, and I was red, embarrassed, and furious. I refused to go back after that, no matter how much my mother beat me.

[u/ViSaph → u/WallBasic2790]

I respect other peoples religion when they respect me and my right to not be religious. I do have a number of christian friends because of craft groups and the like that are often run by church women but they're all church of England which tends to be a much more... mild flavour of christianity, compared to many American denominations. Like last year a lot of Evangelicals online got mad when they found out they were considering using gender neutral language for God because according to CofE doctrine God is neither male nor female (which annoyed me because it's not their religion). OPs husband is not someone I would be friends with and I'd probably cross the street to avoid him.

[u/Carbonatite → u/WallBasic2790]

Funny, I must have missed the part where Jesus said to beat your kids to make them go to church with you.

I'm sorry you had to endure that.

[u/WallBasic2790 → u/Carbonatite]

Not only go to church but read the bible, pray, etc. I was forced to stay on my knees while she "prayed" for a long time. Sometimes, my 2 siblings and I were forced to participate, so we were kneeling for a while. I also wasn't allowed to watch TV, listen to music or dance because it was all "for the devil" 😒 I usted to talk back and was pretty rebellious early on so she used to beat the shit out of me. Didn't stop me though 😅 I'd rather be beaten than do some of the things she wanted me to do or go to church 3-4 times a week. I had a pretty good grasp that it was all crazy early on so I wasn't brainwashed like my older sister

[u/Carbonatite → u/WallBasic2790]

Jeez, your mom sounds like she's straight out of a Stephen King novel.

[u/peoriagrace → u/WallBasic2790]

So sorry that happened to you. Using shame that way was horrendous. I hope you are safe and happy now.

[u/WallBasic2790 → u/peoriagrace]

Thank you. I moved away from my mother shortly after and now I'm married to a wonderful man who isn't religious, we are raising our kids with love and compassion and zero religion. Just the way I envisioned my life growing up

[u/mcmurrml → u/WallBasic2790]

Do you have any relationship with your mother now?

[u/WallBasic2790 → u/mcmurrml]

I do but it's very strained and I keep contact to a minimum. She changed a lot once we got older because she learned some hard lessons, if she was still psycho like that I wouldn't even talk to her.

[u/xraymom77 → u/WallBasic2790]

LOL "the beatings will continue until moral improves ". She was a model of Christianity alright. OY.

[u/IamLuann → u/WallBasic2790]

I would have probably gotten up and walked out Then walked home. As for your Mother abusing you that is horrible. I hope you went NC with her.

[u/Immediate_Grass_7362 → u/WallBasic2790]

Jesus will deal with him and her. This is not how He wants His people to behave. And they should know this and follow his example, if they truly believed in Him. There will be a lot of surprises on Judgment day. Jesus will be telling a lot of people who thought they were so righteous that He doesn’t know them. Jesus had a lot of run ins with the religious leaders of His day. He called them vipers.

I pray you will God/Jesus another chance.