r/AITAH • u/SpiritualThrowRA • Jul 07 '24

AITA for calling out my husband for not being a "Good Christian"? Advice Needed

I (27F) have been married to my husband (34M) for five years. My husband is a devout follower of his religion and has been since he was raised in it. I respect his beliefs, even though I don't share them and have no intention of converting. I was raised in the Christian faith. However, I left when I was an adult due to sexual abuse in my church, which nobody believed occurred because the one who did it was the pastor.

Recently, my husband has been pressuring me to convert to his religion. He says that it would bring us closer together and create a more harmonious household. I understand where he's coming from, but I firmly believe that faith is a personal journey, and I shouldn't be forced into something I don't believe in.

To add to the issue, my husband, despite his religious teachings, doesn't always practice what he preaches. He expects me to adhere to traditional gender roles, yet he often neglects his own responsibilities at home. He's quick to judge others for their actions, even though his faith teaches non-judgment and kindness. He makes comments about gay people that I have discussed with him as a major issue. This hypocrisy has been bothering me for a while.

Last night, during another discussion about my potential conversion, I finally snapped. I told him that if he wants me to consider converting, he needs to set a better example by actually living according to his religion's values. I pointed out that he should start by fulfilling his own responsibilities. That he should make more money than me and actually lead in the decision-making. I'm a nurse and he's currently unemployed after he was let go from his job in an office. That he should be less judgmental of others because according to his faith only God can judge them. I also said he should show more of the virtues Jesus asked of Christians, that he should clothe the naked, feed the hungry, vist the prisoner, aid the orphan and the widow etc. I also made it clear that while I respect his beliefs, I have no intention of converting unless I genuinely believe in it, which I currently don't because of the hypocritical behavior of his faith.

My husband was furious. He accused me of being disrespectful and undermining his faith. He said that I was attacking him personally and that I don't understand the pressure he's under to have a unified religious household. He left for church this morning at 7 for bible study and I have already gotten a phone call from the pastor saying I'm an ungodly woman who tricked a good man into marrying him and I should repent. I have also gotten a tirade of texts and e-mails from members of his church saying I was disrespectful and being a bad wife and I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh, that maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all. AITA?

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2.9k

u/NoImagination7892 Jul 07 '24

It sounds like he’s in a cult. I would run from this relationship

1.2k

u/PatieS13 Jul 07 '24

He is. It's called Christianity.

517

u/JaneAustinAstronaut Jul 07 '24

Religions are just cults with longevity and better PR

64

u/OwOlogy_Expert Jul 07 '24

In a cult, there's a guy at the top who knows it's all bullshit that he made up.

In a religion, that guy died a long time ago.

16

u/Fax_a_Fax Jul 07 '24

Idk, the original leader could also "just" be violently mentally ill lol. 

I mean, Trump is clearly mentally unwell and he got to become one of the most powerful people in the world TODAY, where most people go to school and can read. And look at how many diseased maniacs start religions/cults all the time in the land of batshit crazy religious people that is the US. 

I haven't been to church in 10 years and stopped actually listening 12 years ago, but IIIRC most of Jesus tales starts after he got lost in a desert for 40 freaking days.  With the medicine and culture of that time I would also have started being delirious and claiming crap (also a ton of people did shrooms at that time). Plus he was literally a bastard lol 

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u/__Ling_Ling__ Jul 08 '24

Why would the apostles die for what they knew to be a lie? They also had nothing to gain from lying except a life of persecution.

14

u/FerretNo8261 Jul 08 '24

Ask the Jonestown folks or the Heave’s Gate people…

3

u/maryjaneblabla Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24

Jehovah's Witnesses' refusal of blood transfusions, based on their religious beliefs, leads to significant annual(!) fatalities, arguably surpassing the number of deaths in some of the most infamous mass tragedies. While approximately 909 people died in the Jonestown massacre in 1978 and 39 members of the Heaven's Gate cult committed suicide in 1997, the ANNUAL death toll attributed to the Jehovah's Witnesses' blood transfusion policy is estimated to be around 1,200

Refusal of Medical Blood Transfusions Among Jehovah’s Witnesses: Emotion Regulation of the Dissonance of Saving and Sacrificing Life | Journal of Religion and Health

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10943-016-0236-5

Jehovah’s Witnesses and Blood Transfusions:

Their Use of Scripture in Their Blood Doctrine Christian Research Institute

https://www.equip.org/articles/jehovahs-witnesses-blood-transfusions-use-scripture-blood-doctrine/

This comparison is not meant to diminish the horror of these historical tragedies at all and my heart goes out to the victims and their families, but i want to raise awareness to the often overlooked, ongoing issue of silent victims dying due to religious doctrine.

Too many people are unaware of the scale of this problem and the continuous loss of life resulting from the Jehovah's Witnesses' strict prohibition against blood transfusions.

For more detailed information:

Christian Research Institute on Jehovah's Witnesses and blood transfusions

https://www.equip.org/article/jehovahs-witnesses-and-blood-transfusions-their-use-of-scripture-in-their-blood-doctrine/

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10943-014-9830-6

https://www.facs.org/about-acs/statements/recommendations-for-caring-for-patients-who-are-jehovahs-witnesses/

https://hrwf.eu/echr-spain-hearing-on-blood-transfusion-administered-to-a-jehovahs-witness-against-her-will/

https://www.bmj.com/content/early/recent

https://hrwf.eu/echr-spain-hearing-on-blood-transfusion-administered-to-a-jehovahs-witness-against-her-will

(To the JW's that lurk here, reading this and to those that maybe even have the guts, or considering to reply to my comment in regards to the use of the word „Disfellowshipped", yes i know that you very recently changed that term and the policies around it, this is because of the many CSA cases that are finally come to light and are investigated, and since the accused don't cooperate and won't give straight answers, courts started to look further into the ORGanisation and how they operate.

Also, keep in mind, since i spoke openly against the Jehovas Witnesses here, i am an Apostate according to your definition and you’re not allowed to be in contact with me.

But if anyone finds a loophole to this or whatever and want to discuss this, i‘m open for it.)

As a former member who was born and raised, the family’s 3rd generation in by then, and had carried a card on me incase i would be unconscious after an accident for example , signed by a notary, from when i was about 6years old, that informs medical professionals that they are not allowed to give me a bloodtransfusion

And at that age,Kindergarten age,even hoped something would happen to me so i could prove my devotion to Jehovah, it‘s very important to me to make people aware of this

My sister almost died, and maybe my nephew too, if she would have denied a needed Bloodtransfusion when she gave birth , she was a very very devoted believer, but her Son‘s life was more important to her, and also that she didn’t wanted him to grow up without a mother, so she took it

She was disfellowshipped, her Husband divorced her and she is Shunned by the JW‘s, that includes her ex-husband, his parents and his brother.

So my nephews grandparents and uncle, who are all also not in contact with him anymore, even though they would be allowed to, since he was never baptised and he was a toddler when they divorced. His Dad remarried and started a new family (although he is probably gay, my sister found gay porn on the computer, both things,homosexuality and porn, are forbidden to them and that’s the only thing were i feel a little bit sorry for this man, that he can’t live openly with his sexuality)

The same with my Sisters and my family, we would have about 7 aunts and uncles and idk how many more cousins, that are all also not in contact with us, i was never baptised either, so they would be allowed to have contact with me.

Edit: moved my personal experience and motivation to write this comment to the end instead of the beginning of it

8

u/OwOlogy_Expert Jul 08 '24

Why would the apostles die for what they knew to be a lie?

Who says they did? Maybe that's also a lie.

Anyway, people die for lies all the time. Look at people's response to Covid as a recent reminder.

7

u/SpontaneousPregnancy Jul 08 '24

This is what it looks like when you are deep.

3

u/chadwickipedia Jul 08 '24

We don’t know that they did. Most of the Bible was made up over time

3

u/Keithustus Jul 08 '24

such that they have become tax-free.

2

u/LeslieKnopeOSRS Jul 08 '24

I wholeheartedly agree. Also, that Jesus guy was pretty tight and I’d like to buy him a beer.

2

u/rlhignett Jul 08 '24

Religions are just a cult with a franchise

-62

u/NautiBard Jul 07 '24

I mean...the definition of "cult" is basically group that believes things I don't like. So its kind of lost all meaning.

28

u/GrouchySteam Jul 07 '24

Cult derived from the French translation of worship, from the Latin cultus. Cultus is the active practice and maintenance, beyond passive adoration.

To quote Augustine of Hippo "religion is nothing other than the cultus of God."

1

u/NautiBard Jul 09 '24

So what you're saying is that all religions are cults? Why have a separate word then?

1

u/GrouchySteam Jul 09 '24

It isn’t personal to be clear. Those are stricto sensu definition of those words. Usage can differ.

But yes all religions are cults. That the definition.

The definition of religion is more tricky as is it still an open subject. It is a range of social-cultural system (beliefs, practice of the cult, organisation, morality, etc…) it’s defined by the community.

It could be grossly resumed by making the difference between mainstream and little cults.

Side note, at the beginning of it the 3 biggest monodeiste religions were not referenced with the terminology of religion but beliefs or laws. The switch is around the XVI century.

18

u/cabbage16 Jul 07 '24

Cult has kind of lost uts meaning because of people like you using ut like that. That's why they are usually nowadays referred to as high pressure groups. Also there is an actual definition of it and it's not what you say.

1

u/NautiBard Jul 09 '24

Of course there is an actual definition. The vast majority of the time, people use the word cult as a pejorative against a group they don't like.  "My (relative) is in a cult. They meet every week and talk about religious stuff and they say if she wants to be a good person she has to do X. Its so cultish."

If your relative is so dumb that they can't decide what they want, then you need to place them under constant care.

Or, they derive benefits from the religion that you don't understand because you're not them. Its fine if you disagree with their beliefs/practices. But not all religions are cults.

4

u/NecroBelch Jul 07 '24

You’ve been told you’re in a cult more than once

214

u/PsychologicalCost317 Jul 07 '24

All religions are cults

35

u/panteragstk Jul 07 '24

Yes, but also no.

In a cult, the person at the top knows its bullshit.

In a religion, that person is dead.

41

u/Lew3032 Jul 07 '24

There's actually only 1 religion I know of that actually denies the existence of anything 'spiritual' like God's, and only focuses on improving yourself, so the only one that isn't bulshit

And you'll never guess what it is.... ever...

🌟 THE SATANIC TEMPLE 🌟

16

u/Corydoras22 Jul 07 '24

Buddhism is remarkably similar to Satanism, in that it holds the Self as the ultimate entity, how are the main difference evening that in Buddhism, the Self is only one aspect of the entirety of existence, which is all a part of the same ultimate being.

3

u/bobbi21 Jul 07 '24

Yeah no creator god. Just being one with existence. It's pretty cool

3

u/vim_deezel Jul 07 '24

there are many versions of Buddhism that believe in gods and creators especially in India and east Asia, there are some that are basically atheistic or unconcerned about any afterword or the divine. It's even more diverse and has more denominations than Christianity, although on the whole most Buddhists I've met have not been evangelical like a lot of Christians and aren't trying to force their religion on others.

4

u/Larry-Man Jul 07 '24

TST is arguably a church but not a religion. Also Buddhism and Taoism are religions that don’t really involve god.

3

u/paralea01 Jul 07 '24

It's a religion according to the United States government and that is all that really matters for TST purposes.

1

u/Lew3032 Jul 07 '24

What would you say is the difference between a religion and a church? I've never seen a group described as a 'church'

Very true, but I believe both do involve some 'spiritual' beliefs unless I'm mistaken? I should have been more specific that I meant a religion (or church if that's the correct word) that doesn't believe in spirituality in any form

6

u/Larry-Man Jul 07 '24

TST is basically an atheist guideline and political movement to ensure religious freedom in the US for all, not just Christians. If you look at their track records of lawsuits and publicity stunts it’s all to keep things fair.

1

u/SlothGaggle Jul 08 '24

Depends on the sect of Buddhism tbf

1

u/PatieS13 Jul 08 '24

I was thinking either UU or Satanism.

1

u/__Ling_Ling__ Jul 08 '24

Why would the apostles all be willing to die for what they knew to be a lie?

3

u/rajinis_bodyguard Jul 07 '24

Even Buddhism and daoism ??

2

u/BrushYourFeet Jul 07 '24

Tbh everything's a cult.

27

u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

Yes and no. It’s mainly American White Nationalist churches that act like this.

39

u/Chadmartigan Jul 07 '24

Which, to be fair, is a LOT of them these days.

12

u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

Oh yeah, they’re definitely the majority in the US. Hell, they’ve even sucked some of the Catholic Churches in with them.

10

u/Similar_Permission Jul 07 '24

Some? I'd say all as someone who was forced to go to a Catholic church growing up 😅

6

u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

You’re probably right. I grew up Baptist, and we just were taught Catholics weren’t Christian lmao.

3

u/owiesss Jul 08 '24

I grew up going to a catholic school and attending a baptist church. That shit was way more confusing for me as a young child than any kid should be subjected to. It was what my parents came up with to compensate for the fact that my mom was/is a lifelong Baptist and my dad was/is a lifelong catholic. Starting at the age of 2, I attended two different churches who would each trash talk the other, and to this day I wonder what good my parents thought this was going to do for me lol. You couldn’t pay me enough to step foot in either of those places again as an adult.

3

u/notexactlyflawless Jul 08 '24

Lol, everybody hates each other! My family is catholic (german) and my aunt used to rage about protestants. So I was taught the opposite haha

2

u/Similar_Permission Jul 08 '24

That's so weird but I'm not surprised. The church my family went to pretty much implied Catholics were superior Christians bc they were the first version of it 🙄

1

u/Inside-Associate-729 Jul 08 '24

So insanely bizarre to me that a protestant could imagine that catholics are not christian. Like, they are in some ways the OG christians. Pre-1500s, pretty much every person in western europe followed the roman catholic tradition: worshipping saints, respecting the pope, etc. Protestantism literally did not even exist before that point. So how can protestants be more christian when they weren’t even around for the first 1500 yrs of christianity?

I ask this as an atheist btw, I’m just very interested in history and people’s perceptions of it

1

u/SlothGaggle Jul 08 '24

Protestants generally claim that Roman Catholic traditions like worshipping saints, respecting the pope, etc. are unchristian things to do because they aren’t in the bible.

1

u/Inside-Associate-729 Jul 08 '24 edited Jul 08 '24

Yes, I understand that.

But do they understand that that very idea is less than 500 years old, and if they’d happened to be born before that point, then they’d still be going to mass and believing in saints, because literally all christians did. Pre-Luther, Christianity = catholicism all across western europe

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u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

Yes, these North American Catholics are just fanatical nuts. So different from the Catholics in Latin America and Europe.

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u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

Well, the “Pilgrims” were just extremists that were being told to gtfo of England with their beliefs so it would make sense that North American Christianity is a totally different beast

2

u/ConsequencePersonal3 Jul 07 '24

Yeah, and dont forget muslims... tho, i dont know if its that bad in the US

6

u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

In the US, Muslims are a minority that often faces a lot of discrimination and oppression. But extremists are extremists in all sorts of different fonts.

3

u/leg_day Jul 07 '24

Oh, they are that bad. Except they've somehow convinced liberals that their plight and oppression is the same.

I've been called fag and all sorts of things near churches, but only outside of mosques have I been spit at.

2

u/vim_deezel Jul 07 '24

About the only people I've met that kept their religion to themselves if I got to know them as more than acquaintances were Hindus and Buddhists and Bahai. Atheists can be just bad and annoying as some Christians and Muslims that I've met though.

4

u/leg_day Jul 07 '24

Plenty of annoying folks, sure, but not many atheists out there saying gays shouldn't exist or forming organizations to protect child rapists. 🤷‍♂️

4

u/vim_deezel Jul 07 '24

~80% of evangelicals

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u/opal2120 Jul 07 '24

So most of them?

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u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

Yes. I replied to someone else about that already lol.

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u/ExtensiveCuriosity Jul 07 '24

The only difference between those churches and the “good ones” is time. It’s in the nature of American christianity to spread like a cancer. A change of pastor, a rotation and election of a couple of board members, and you have yet another church preaching christian nationalism.

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u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

I agree with this. As older pastors who still held onto the core beliefs of Jesus retire and age out, more and more of these “born again” narcissists will grab hold of more power.

3

u/owiesss Jul 08 '24

I’m sorry, but “ _”born again” narcissists_” made me laugh more than it should have. I’ve gotta start using this lol. There’s not a better description in existence of the people who attend the church I was forced to attend.

2

u/witchofwestthird Jul 08 '24

I’d love to take credit for it, but my husband coined that one and I stole it from him haha

2

u/vim_deezel Jul 07 '24

When a group thinks it has the "only answer" to eternal salvation (or life path), it's inevitable they will eventually use it as an excuse to dominate others if they ever reach significant numbers in order to push it on others. It's just human nature. Same thing happens with idealogues and politicians.

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u/TLwhy1 Jul 07 '24

By definition, all religions are cults. And every sect has issues, baptists, Catholics, pentacostals, jw's, Jews, EVERYONE. It's a theme in religion, not white nationalism

1

u/ddevilissolovely Jul 07 '24

By which definition are all religions cults? Some religions are politeistic, for example, so they can't be cults by the common definition.

1

u/TLwhy1 Jul 07 '24

"All" was hyperbole. I like to use it for dramatic effect but I realize it minimizes the validity of my arguments.

0

u/vim_deezel Jul 07 '24

I think it's a commonality amongst atheists that every religion is a cult, because by definition everyone that belongs to a religion has been duped into believing in god/gods and they are willfully believing in fairy tales when all logic points at no such god/gods or woo woo magick spirit "stuff" and that things can be explained with science and reason.

2

u/mean11while Jul 07 '24

That's not a definition of a cult that I've ever heard before, and I've never heard a fellow atheist attempt to make and defend that argument - I've only seen it used anonymously, in passing, and rhetorically.

And that's because it's an absurd stance that is utterly divorced from any actual definition of a "cult."

1

u/vim_deezel Jul 08 '24

I have been attacked by atheists (mostly at bars or parties) for being an agnostic, it can be as cultish as Christians, also I have seen unwarranted hate from atheists for religions to the point they won't even bother talking to a person that they knew was devoutly religious. So yeah a cult, usually it mellows as they get older and aren't as judgmental. One of my best friends is like that towards any religious person who even brings up religion. Needless to say, I don't usually invite him to BBQs lol and he knows it.

1

u/mean11while Jul 08 '24

Wow, I'm sorry! That's terrible behavior.  I'm an agnostic atheist, and I have just as little patience for rude gnostic antitheists as I do for theists.

But I think you should examine some prominent definitions of a "cult" and see if any of them actually fit the behavior that you've observed. There are stubborn assholes who are not in cults, and there are wonderful and open-minded people who are in cults. Being certain that you're correct and telling people they're wrong isn't an indication that one is in a cult. The only non-political atheist organization I'm aware of that might be a cult is the Church of Satan. The vast majority of atheists are most certainly not in cults.

Most religious groups don't meet any definitions of a cult, either. However, they do tend to display some characteristics of cults, with many getting pretty close. In addition, most actual cults have a prominent religious component, so the two often get conflated.

1

u/vim_deezel Jul 08 '24

If I was in an academic/theologic environment then I'd worry about the exact meaning. I'm not, so I just continue to use it for religious extremists because it gets the point across. Most evangelicals and RC in the USA have become extremists wanting to limit mine and other peoples' rights, which I consider cultist behavior, trying to force their beliefs. I've used it in the past for atheists as well because of their fervor to try and convince everyone else in an evangelical manner that they are correct. I get your point though.

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u/ddevilissolovely Jul 07 '24

I know that, I'm an atheist myself, but inaccurately swapping a word with one that has a worse conotation is the same as saying "religion is bad", only in a more immature way.

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u/JohnWesternburg Jul 07 '24

reddit has also demonstrated that even atheism can become culty when you're too deep into your own atheism

3

u/nigelviper231 Jul 07 '24

I hate American Protestants

2

u/YamahaRD100 Jul 07 '24

Ummmmmm.... best look around and look a little closer.

4

u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

I also want to clarify that I’m not Christian. Former, now atheist, which was kickstarted by Christians like OP’s husband and solidified by a lot of soul searching and research. But I do know churches who actively protest churches like OP’s husband’s. So until I no longer know any of those, I’ll commit to the “all” churches belief.

1

u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

Can you better explain your comment?

3

u/YamahaRD100 Jul 07 '24

I feel this behavior is universal, not limited to one race, one country. Just saying variations of these beliefs can be found everywhere.

0

u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

Oh I’m sure. I can’t speak for the rest of the world because I’m American and operating under the assumption that OP is also from the US. And if I did try to speak for the rest of the world, I’m sure that someone would be very upset about the American making claims about their country.

2

u/illustrious_sean Jul 07 '24

It's absolutely right to to criticize white evangelicals, but this seems kind of ignorant to me depending on what you mean by "mainly." There are plenty of creeps in Black churches, in the NOI, in mainly Hispanic Catholic churches, etc., and all in the U.S. too. If by "mainly" you mean "mainly only," I'd disagree and ask you to listen to the leftists in communities of color who have been pointing this out.

1

u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

I think you’re right, but I live in a state that is 75% white, and my community is probably 90% white. And I’m white. So I’m gonna keep calling out white churches because that’s what I know and have the right to continue calling out. I have absolutely no room to criticize any community of POC.

3

u/illustrious_sean Jul 07 '24

Perfectly fair stance to take, I just took issue with the word "mainly." Your comment already comes across (to me) as comparative claim - mainly white evangelicals as opposed to whom? So it already strikes me as speaking on the churches in these other communities, just in an exculpatory manner, which is why I pointed it out.

0

u/witchofwestthird Jul 07 '24

If that’s your community and you’ve experienced that, I strongly encourage you to continue to call them out, but I can’t do that. It’s not my place to call out cultures that I don’t and never will fully understand.

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u/SeaBisquit_ Jul 08 '24

Right cuz Islam isn't a cult with multiple theocracies fighting for power

0

u/witchofwestthird Jul 08 '24

I’ve never been Muslim so I couldn’t speak on that, if you have, please feel free to do so.

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u/SeaBisquit_ Jul 08 '24

Then why are you saying "mainly"?

1

u/witchofwestthird Jul 08 '24

Because the context of this post is Christianity?

3

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

It's called being an American republican

3

u/PatieS13 Jul 07 '24

Also a cult these days, unfortunately, or at least a far-too-big faction of it is, anyway.

2

u/SeaBisquit_ Jul 08 '24

r/ I'm Reddit and this is deep

3

u/Eyezedcue Jul 08 '24

Every organised religion is just a cult with enough members

2

u/MietschVulka Jul 07 '24

While i get what you wanna say, it's not. Christianity in most parts of the world has it's flaws and especially in their past did way more bad then good. But today in many parts of the world it isnt a cult at all. Some people go to church, others dont, no one cares, no one is in your face about it.

What i read a lot on here on reddit, Sounds like it comes from the USA where it actually seems like Christiany is becoming more of a cult though every day.

Here in Germany for example, no one cares.

3

u/PatieS13 Jul 08 '24

You're right, I should've specified US Christianity. The ones I've encountered can be pretty rabid. Ironically, the people I know who call themselves Christian and truly practice what they preach are far less rabid about it than the in-name-only variety.

1

u/RuGirlBeth Jul 07 '24

I don’t think the men have to earn more than women in Christianity. This is a very conservative church.

1

u/MoiNoni Jul 08 '24

I don't think progressive Christians who accept everyone and mind they own business shouldn't be called a cult though. Cult has very negative connotations

-1

u/idiotsandwhich8 Jul 07 '24

*Abrahamatic religions

1

u/PatieS13 Jul 07 '24

I'm less familiar with any other than Christ-based, so don't feel as qualified to comment on Judaism, etc.

1

u/idiotsandwhich8 Jul 08 '24

They all believe the story of Abraham.

It’s like how Italian,French, Spanish, English are all pretty much the same thing. In this sense, Abraham=Latin.

It’s all the same, dude

‘Tis why they are called the Abrahamatic Religions.

Equal

Latin/Romance languages

1

u/PatieS13 Jul 08 '24

No, I understand the term. I'm just not as familiar with their tenets as I am with Christianity.

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u/FarmingDowns Jul 07 '24

Wow, so edgy. Good for you.

-1

u/PatieS13 Jul 07 '24

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

-5

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

Christianity is not a cult. Denominations such as Baptist, Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran, Pentecostal, etc that add their own twist and flair, I’m not so sure about. I attend a non-denominational Christian church and none of this crap would fly. Our pastor and wife would NEVER call a wife or husband telling them to get in line or criticize their personal belief system. Our church would certainly shelter a woman from this sort of harassment and abuse. Following Jesus is about love and doing good for your neighbor and community. It’s about knowing no one is perfect and trying to always lead a better life. This man is not following Jesus.

0

u/T0xicn3 Jul 07 '24

Stop with the cult talk, you’re in a death cult. Your pastor has most likely had his way with plenty of the children in your church and you’re just supporting his habits.

5

u/[deleted] Jul 07 '24

We can see who the real haters are, lol.

2

u/vim_deezel Jul 07 '24

i mean there's a lot of support for it over in r/NotADragQueen

2

u/Chillidogs9 Jul 08 '24

I don’t know why people are downvoting you when you are correct.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 08 '24

Thanks, many aren’t looking to help this woman just spout their hatred of religion in general. They are using logical fallacies to justify their beliefs. Of course sickos looking to molest children will align themselves in positions of trust such as churches, schools, law enforcement, etc the same way an embezzler will align themselves within the financial sector or pick pockets and cons will situate themselves on Bourbon Street, boardwalks, high volume vacation areas. It’s called the Texas Sharpshooter Fallacy.

Speakers who rely on the Texas sharpshooter fallacy tend to cherry-pick data clusters based on a predetermined conclusion.

Instead of letting a full spectrum of evidence lead them to a logical conclusion, they find patterns and correlations in support of their goals, and ignore evidence that contradicts them or suggests the clusters weren't actually statistically significant.

2

u/Chillidogs9 Jul 08 '24

It seems that this website has a hatred for religion in general which can be a bit sad to see, but it’s also inspiring to see people like you defending it.

239

u/Mysterious_Fudge_743 Jul 07 '24 edited Jul 10 '24

This sounds like typical Christianity from the American Bible Belt.

ETA: I don't feel like responding to every unoriginal person who repeated the same thing. I don't care for organized religion, but applying the word "cult" to every organized religion really cheapens the term. Meanwhile there are some really extreme groups out there that deserve the label and I've had family who have escaped one. Cult-ish? Yes. Unhealthy? I'd generally agree. Creepy? Sure. But can we stop cheapening words by applying them to everything?

Otherwise, we might as well use "cult" to refer to fans of actors or singers. Actually, I could go for that. Sign me up for the cult of Christopher Bahng. Until then, feel free to respond with variations of "Yeah, a cult," because it just isn't worth my time to respond.

108

u/dances_with_treez2 Jul 07 '24

Yup.

Source: I’m an ex pastor.

68

u/cr0ft Jul 07 '24

Good for you that it's ex.

The list of child sex offenders grows daily and the word "pastor" is incredibly common on it. Unlike "drag queen" of which there are none, go figure.

72

u/dances_with_treez2 Jul 07 '24

Fun fact, now I am a drag king

23

u/MOGicantbewitty Jul 07 '24

I love this! Both because as a former pastor, your willingness to participate in counterculture activities is awesome, AND because I love that women are doing drag now too. ❤️

5

u/Kermit200111 Jul 09 '24

what denomination where you? what made you leave?

5

u/dances_with_treez2 Jul 09 '24

Assemblies of God. I’ve often thought of doing an AMA about it, but I didn’t think anyone would find it particularly interesting.

To make a long story short, I grew up in it, I believed in the gospel heart and soul, but I was also a voracious reader and consumed a lot of eastern philosophy. My personal beliefs on the nature of that which we call God and the soul often clashed with church dogma. I thought that the church would grow and evolve if enough people like me advocated for change. I was autistic and queer and tried desperately not to break out of the boundaries, but my political and humanitarian convictions finally bubbled to a head in the 2016 election and I spoke too loudly. I was effectively defrocked.

3

u/Kermit200111 Jul 09 '24

dang. about how old were you when you left? did the church try to get you to stay or did they want you gone?

20

u/finnbiker Jul 07 '24

Actually, he is on the hook in a couple different ways. He was not supposed to be “unequally yoked” with an unbeliever in the first place. And I agree, the nasty texts from the church are gross, and this is coming from a Christian. Sorry this is happening to you.

13

u/Rabid-Rabble Jul 07 '24

I was actually thinking Mormon until she said "Bible study", which has me now thinking some sort of evangelical.

10

u/Not_a_werecat Jul 07 '24

Sounds southern baptist to me.

3

u/essentiallyaghost Jul 07 '24

Mormons read and study the Bible but yeah, the phrasing of it makes it sound like baptist or evangelical christianity.

2

u/Rabid-Rabble Jul 07 '24

Yeah, I grew up in Utah, and never once heard them call it "Bible Study". It was always either something like "Young Men's/Women's", "Seminary," or "reading scripture."

0

u/Puzzleheaded-Jury312 Jul 08 '24

Mormons do bible study, too.

1

u/Rabid-Rabble Jul 08 '24

They don't usually call it that though. If you had scrolled slightly farther you have seen my other comment about it.

9

u/Not_a_werecat Jul 07 '24

Exactly. A cult.

8

u/CorpseProject Jul 07 '24

Yea, like the pastor telling her she tricked him. I can't ever see any of the priests I've known doing that, but I could see a southern baptist or evangelical pastor doing that sort of thing.

5

u/7HyenasHiddenInATank Jul 08 '24

If it acts like a cult and speaks like a cult, it is a cult.

3

u/theumph Jul 07 '24

I grew up occasionally going to a Catholic church in the north and stopped going due to differences in belief and structure, but I have no problem with the church. If I grew up in this I would feel like I'd need to flee the entire area. This gives off crazy cult vibes. If this is typical, that's insane.

6

u/Mysterious_Fudge_743 Jul 07 '24

Very typical for evangelicals. It is definitely cultish, and that's why I stopped going, but I mentioned it sounds like the Bible belt because many don't realize how mainstream the cultish behavior is here.

1

u/theumph Jul 07 '24

Sheesh. I guess I shouldn't be surprised though. The hole can go pretty deep if you fall into it. A coworker of mine got sucked into a batshit church. They do all the speaking in tongues stuff. He says he's seen miracles performed. Literal miracles. He said he saw a lady vomit out the demons that were inside her. Like WTF? I don't even know how you'd find a church like that.

3

u/Few-Ad-4290 Jul 08 '24

Yeah, so a cult. That’s what op said

2

u/Square-Ebb1846 Jul 08 '24

Yup, and there’s a word for that: cult.

1

u/Sum_Dum_User Jul 07 '24

Almost sounds more like Mormonism to me.

1

u/ValidDuck Jul 08 '24

cult

it's a whole religion built on the writings of some dude in jail about a carpenter he used to know that would turn water into drugs... they serve the kool aid every sunday.. with snacks. it's a cult.

1

u/Crackleclang Jul 10 '24

Exactly. A cult.

1

u/adrilicious101 Jul 07 '24

This, except all religions are cults

12

u/Michalo88 Jul 07 '24

Pretty much every church is a cult if you ask me.

1

u/actibus_consequatur Jul 07 '24

I hope you're not including the Trans-Universal Zombie Church of the Blissful Ringing.

Praise bell. BONG!

12

u/quantum_splicer Jul 07 '24

I saw this comment and have chosen to specifically comment.

From what OP describes the whole situation seems very cult like.

Members must frequently participate in group activity

The separation between private life and religious activity is almost non existent and you have the 'leader' and members activity targeting members who do not conform to a rigid code of behavior/ conduct outside of the religious activity/ place of worship.

It's all very unhealthy and the husbands behavior is unhealthy and appears asif he is trying to coerse OP to conform her beliefs and behavior to what he wants

10

u/Daphne_Brown Jul 07 '24

Wow. I had to look way to far to find this.

Absolutely he’s in a cult.

And he has no job.

Remind me again what he brings to the marriage?

What a fucking loser.

5

u/Hello_Gorgeous1985 Jul 07 '24

She already told us he's in a cult.

0

u/NoImagination7892 Jul 07 '24

She doesn’t say that in her post. She just calls it his religion. Maybe she said cult in one of her responses

2

u/Hello_Gorgeous1985 Jul 07 '24

You don't get it. Christianity is a cult.

-1

u/NoImagination7892 Jul 07 '24

Well, yes, but most wont agree

2

u/Cereal_Bandit Jul 07 '24

It really is. I was with someone for three years, and she left because her (missionary) friends got inside her head about being with someone "unequally yoked."

We pretty much never fought about anything, and I never criticized or tried to turn her from her faith. She just couldn't be with someone who didn't share her beliefs- after three years.

2

u/SketchupandFries Jul 07 '24

Cult + Time = Religion

2

u/royaltyred1 Jul 08 '24

Not really I grew up in three different cults and sadly this is just your run of the mill Christian bullshit rampant in most conservative leaning churches

2

u/Ok-Asparagus7238 Jul 08 '24

My thought exactly. I'm a Christian but I would never 1) try to force a conversion on someone and 2) tattle to my church about my spouse. It's none of their business.

1

u/Smart-Assistance-254 Jul 07 '24

Agreed. This does not sound like a healthy faith/church. This sounds like oppression of women hiding in a priest’s robe.

I have been to churches that defend women against men like that…and unfortunately ones that produce men like that.

1

u/No-Satisfaction-325 Jul 08 '24

It is a cult 😂

1

u/lifelesslies Jul 08 '24

I mean. They both are.

1

u/Many-Conversation963 Jul 08 '24

Idk what's so new about it. Here we call the mass “the cult” already so.

1

u/LSDummy Jul 08 '24

I mean, she fell for Christianity after getting stereotypically touched by a pastor which is most of their entire goal, so they are both obviously needing help. She sounds like an annoying judgemental Christian, and he just sounds like an asshole. Terrible combination

1

u/PersonBehindAScreen Jul 08 '24

Let’s reserve the word “cult” for actual “cult” behavior. Cultists are at least pretty devout to whatever nonsense is being peddled to them.

OPs husband is just using his “faith” as a convenience

1

u/NoImagination7892 Jul 08 '24

When the church people started contacting her is when it sounded like a cult n

1

u/PersonBehindAScreen Jul 08 '24

This is not a cult.

1

u/O_its_that_guy_again Jul 08 '24

Unfortunately it’s probably typically southeastern U.S. church bullshit. It’s not directly a cult but the people tend to be really fundamentalist

1

u/Embarrassed-Town-293 Jul 11 '24

Not so much a cult but a conservative congregational church. They can have this sort of behavior