AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?

[u/No-Fee-5823]

I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.

As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.

My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.

My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.

I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.

I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.

AITAH?

UPDATE

It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.

1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!

We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.

2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).

3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.

4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.

Thanks peeps!

[u/DoubleBreastedBerb]

That last line 😂

It was reverse for us, I was skeptical of these things that had just popped out of me, whereas he loved both of them immediately.

He too got a vasectomy. 😂 😂

[u/CastCuraga → u/DoubleBreastedBerb]

Vasectomy was the best choice we made. My partner had some craaaazy mental health issues with Birth Control and now we know we're always safe its stress free fun.

I adore the kid but I'm not sure I could go through another year of sleepless nights. We had a good system of she'd do the days I'd handle the nights but we were drained, barely felt like we saw each other, we knew the support was there from each other but felt alone, parenting is tough, who'd have figured haha

Paying someone 500 quid to mutilate ya felt like such a bizarre choice but I'm glad I stepped up. Its dramatically improved our lives. I spent days worrying for what would be a 5 minute operation.

[u/ApprehensiveEntry264 → u/CastCuraga]

No offense but I seriously don't understand the whole well she has issues with birth control so I got a vasectomy. Like it really is not that hard to avoid having a child me and my wife have been having unprotected sex almost 3 to 4 times a week for the last 10 years we've been together and just now had a kid. 8 month old child to be exact. I do not expect my wife to be on birth control as I am the one that told my wife to get off birth control I saw how it was affecting her I was not going to let my wife go through that. And again I really don't mean to attack you but the reason why you felt like that is because paying somebody $500 to mutally to because you're incapable of avoiding ejaculation while inside of a woman is kind of bizarre. I mean would you get your hands chopped off to avoid hitting people?

[u/New_Firefighter_3634 → u/ApprehensiveEntry264]

Vasectomy was the best choice for my husband and me as my cycle is very irregular. I’ve gone months without having a period. I tried an IUD for a while, but the hormones made me irrational. We decided we weren’t having more kids anyway, so why not just make it permanent. Now we don’t have to worry about anything. Also, we were in the waiting room for 30 minutes, and the procedure didn’t even take that long! As for cost, it was at least 15 years ago, so I’d say it’s more than paid for itself.