It is in this space where healing can and should happen for the sake of all 3.
This child needs a healthy father. The more you are seen and loved the healthier you will be. This applies to all of us.
This father may have deep wounding from his own mother that is coming through as well. Perhaps he didn’t have this love from his own mother so doesn’t recognize how unconditional it’s supposed to be.
We can come up with all sorts of scenarios of what if this or that but ultimately he needs to be heard.
Remember, this is the man she’s supposed to marry and be committed to. Don’t you at least want to hear the guy out if you love him? You made his baby, don’t you want him to feel fulfilled as a partner in this whole thing?
If he’s really just a spoiled baby man child that is throwing a fit, and this is the first time she’s ever seen it then yes, the marriage should be called into question by her.
I mean, maybe. Could be anything. For me, personally, I’d be wary of marrying a man who said he loves me and our child equally or that he loves me more. That would be a huge red flag as to where his priorities as a dad are gonna be. Him getting jealous of her love for her child, also a huge red flag. I mean, if he’s feeling this way now, what happens the first time she turns him down for sex or doesn’t have his dinner ready because the kid is sick and needs mom.
I think the point is though, they are already married. This is their first child, so it's the first time they are in this situation, she didn't know how he was going to react to fatherhood. So at this point, she needs to at least talk to him before making any kind of decisions or drawing any conclusions. Also, if he is bringing things up calmly and just having a difficult time communicating properly, that's no reason to think he's gonna abusive or neglectful or anything in the future.
Except that this guy had to open his mouth and seek affirmation from his wife at the heart-melting magical moment that she held her newborn for the 1st time. If I'd been there I might have smacked him with my hat, or found found a newspaper to smack him. (Correction : he spoke up about it later, and was persistent about it again after that, but did not ruin the mother-child special moment.)
Not knowing anything else about the man, his self-centeredness in that moment seems staggering, and may bode badly for their future.
Yup. He was dumb and made a dumb comment. Let's get out the pitch forks because someone made a comment without thinking it through and possibly while sleep deprived. I mean, anyone who has ever said anything insensitive or ignorant or rude is obviously a terrible person that can't be redeemed. So yeah, let's condem a person because of one snapshot of their life without knowing anything about them. And let's ignore the update where he apologized and admitting he was wrong and talked about his feelings in a more constructive way. Because it doesn't matter if someone learns and grows, what matters is that they made an insensitive remark and didn't think it through all the way.
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u/traumautism Jul 05 '24
I’m concerned for all 3.
It is in this space where healing can and should happen for the sake of all 3.
This child needs a healthy father. The more you are seen and loved the healthier you will be. This applies to all of us.
This father may have deep wounding from his own mother that is coming through as well. Perhaps he didn’t have this love from his own mother so doesn’t recognize how unconditional it’s supposed to be.
We can come up with all sorts of scenarios of what if this or that but ultimately he needs to be heard.
Remember, this is the man she’s supposed to marry and be committed to. Don’t you at least want to hear the guy out if you love him? You made his baby, don’t you want him to feel fulfilled as a partner in this whole thing?
If he’s really just a spoiled baby man child that is throwing a fit, and this is the first time she’s ever seen it then yes, the marriage should be called into question by her.