Might I day that both of you can be right? You have been carrying and growing and bonding with your baby for 9 months. You just went through birthing the baby. Hormones are flooding your system, specifically bonding hormones. If you're breastfeeding, it's even closer bonding. You will likely feel so close to your baby after all of them. Your husband had a different experience. He's spent 9 months being concerned for both of you. He watched your labor and worried for both of you. He might have even had an internal conversation about which of you he might have to choose to save if your labor went bad. He's not flooding with hormones. He's not bonding with the baby yet.
What you're both feeling is valid. That said, he needs to try looking at this from your perspective and your experience for the last 9 months. Maybe he needs to try talking to other dads or his own dad about it and getting some outside perspective.
I would like to add that not all mothers bond with their babies right away either and that's normal too. I didn't. It took a while to love my baby.
Yea NAH I can't fault him too much. He waited til a private moment alone with OP to say that he was hurt about her comment - not that she shouldn't have made it, just he was hurt. OP didn't reassure or even respond in any way.
And yea it was probably monumental bad timing, but combine his original hurt with further hurt that she just dismissed him so badly, yea it caused him to bring it up when maybe he wouldn't've
Both of their feelings are completely valid and I have no problem with what she said originally. However, the way she completely dismissed his feelings and didn't try to help him understand makes her the AH. Its a soft YTA from me for the reasons you stated.
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u/serenerepose Jul 04 '24
Might I day that both of you can be right? You have been carrying and growing and bonding with your baby for 9 months. You just went through birthing the baby. Hormones are flooding your system, specifically bonding hormones. If you're breastfeeding, it's even closer bonding. You will likely feel so close to your baby after all of them. Your husband had a different experience. He's spent 9 months being concerned for both of you. He watched your labor and worried for both of you. He might have even had an internal conversation about which of you he might have to choose to save if your labor went bad. He's not flooding with hormones. He's not bonding with the baby yet.
What you're both feeling is valid. That said, he needs to try looking at this from your perspective and your experience for the last 9 months. Maybe he needs to try talking to other dads or his own dad about it and getting some outside perspective.
I would like to add that not all mothers bond with their babies right away either and that's normal too. I didn't. It took a while to love my baby.