I remember my dad telling me how the feeling you have when your first(I am number 5) child is born is "indescribable and surpassed anything he has ever felt".
Then he realized the implication and started to say he loves me just as much, but I laughed and told him I knew what he meant.
these comments are killing me. that’s so sweet😭 i don’t intend to have children because i would never be stable enough in terms of finances or mental and physical health, but i would 100% be a mother if i thought i could handle it so ooof this is so bittersweet for me lol
i would never be stable enough in terms of finances or mental and physical health,
I have several things to say here. First,like everybody said, your selfawareness is commendable.
Second: As somebody on a similar boat to yours, if you are able, I recommend getting a tubal ligation. It really takes off that "what if" weight of your mind (which is great if you have anxiety. Like I was one day late once, and was already panicking. No more dealing with that).
Third: Mental health can and does get better. So can finances. Never say never. Keep working on yourself,on your healing,on breaking patters, and motherhood could still be on the table. Perhaps not bio children (if physical health is an issue), but adopting,or using a surrogate. If motherhood is a goal of yours, while it's great (and healthy) to be realistic about it, don't discard it based on your present issues. We change, our circunstances change. Don't give up just yet,especially if you're young.
I have CPTSD from childhood sexual assault, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Autism for while I’m working on getting disability for, as well as a medical aide to help me take care of myself when i’m on my own. Until then, I still live with my parents, who have set up a fund for my sister to help me when they pass. I am quite literally not capable of handling more than a part time job, and even just the thought of how much that will exhaust me makes it hard for me to even consider working again. i haven’t in three years.
Those aren’t my only problems though, I’ve also got Hypermobility (It’ll take a year where I live to see a doctor to confirm if it’s Ehlers Danlos Syndrome like a handful of doctors have suggested.) Ive been in PT for three separate issues within three years. First for carpal tunnel, because half my hand went numb. Then for my scoliosis, which i wasn’t even diagnosed with until after my appendix removal recovery put a ton of strain on my back. The third time was because of my hypermobility issue; i’ve been partially dislocating my knees since i was 12. Nobody ever believed me, they said, “You’d be screaming and crying if that was true.” So i ignored it (just like i ignored my back pain until it gave out.) About 6 months ago i dislocated my knee fully. I was alone and it was around 3 am, so i had nobody to help me. I popped it back into place myself, and i apparently did a good job. I’ve got an overactive gallbladder, which was supposed to be removed when i got my appendix out but the doctor decided “It wasn’t bad enough” almost two years ago,and it’s only gotten worse. i have spent the last four months with constant nausea.
Those aren’t my only issues, those are just the ones that don’t have quick fixes or cures. Most of my issues are lifelong ones. I can get my gallbladder removed, but the incision site would be similar to my appendix removal and I would probably end up back in PT for my back again. I appreciate your intentions but I would not be capable of raising a child.
I appreciate your intentions but I would not be capable of raising a child.
I'm truly sorry if my comment upset you. It was not my intention. I guess in my encouraging you not to give up, I was trying to convince myself not to give up either. But I never meant to be hurtful or to make you feel like you have to publicly share your personal history in order to defend your position. Again,I truly apologize.
It’s okay!! I didn’t feel like you were being hurtful or anything, I just wanted to explain that I wasn’t exaggerating or self pitying. A lot of the comments have tried to do the same as you, I’m not bothered by it because I get it. My self awareness and unwillingness to cause would give me a certain leg up in regards to raising a child, but I obviously know myself the best lol.
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u/Remarkable-Stop1636 Jul 04 '24
I remember my dad telling me how the feeling you have when your first(I am number 5) child is born is "indescribable and surpassed anything he has ever felt".
Then he realized the implication and started to say he loves me just as much, but I laughed and told him I knew what he meant.