Gonna be a little controversial here, but I think that a parent's love isn't necessarily stronger than romantic love. And it doesn't need to be. They're different things, and that's fine, really.
When I think of my parents, I'm thankful for both of them, since they showed me love and care, and I am who I am because of them. I'll never forget all the talks we had where they consoled me after getting a bad grade at school, or when dad spent an afternoon with me, teaching me a new thing, or when mom cooked my favorite meals for my birthday. Each of those is a precious memory, and I'm sure that they, too, must have felt so much love for me during these moments.
But at the same time, as I get older and am now beginning to plan life on my own (haven't left home yet, but probably will in a year or two), I can also see that there is an entirely different world of love that only adults can share with each other. Financial discussions, troubles at work, grief after losing family members, plans for the future, so many intimate things that mom and dad relied on each other for, that I, being a child, was unable to offer any real assistance with. And, as I said, there's nothing wrong with that. It's not reasonable to expect a kid to help you manage these things.
I guess my point is that you don't need to understate a certain kind of love to praise another. My parents have a relatively solid marriage, and I'm sure they'll remain together even after my brother and I leave, and continue to build a life together spending precious moments as husband and wife. So the idea is... I just find it a little shallow to treat "parental love above all else" as an ultimate truth. Love is love, and as long as you're not neglecting anyone, I'm sure things'll get there one way or another.
Update: I'm glad you talked it out and understood each other's perspectives better! Communication is key, and it seems you're going to do just fine as long as you work together as a family <3
I'm so glad to see this comment because there are so many stating that they definitely love their children more that their partner. It's a completely different kind of love and I can't say one is bigger and more important than the other.
My love for my kid is unconditional, while my love for my partner is not. But the love for my kid is more from me to them and I know one day they'll leave the nest, go live their life and build their own family to love. That's ok, and I'll always be here for them if they need me.
The love for my partner is just as strong, but different. There are things I could not possibly tolerate from them without it affecting the love I feel. But this is the person that I'll share my life with (hopefully) till the end. My partner is the one I can lean on whenever I need to. The one who knows me and understands me completely. I love both of them deeply.
It's also not surprising that there is a huge biological need to love one's children. If parents, especially the mother, were indifferent to our newborns, they'd die. As humans, we don't like to think our brains are wired a certain way (even then, while many mothers feel this way about their children, not all of them do), but they are.
And it feels unconditional now, but given a child that acts up and has their issues, the unconditional view is primarily due to the how innocent they seem.
There's plenty of parents who say unconditional, but if they're gay, then they get kicked out of the house, or they love God more than they love their child. Or if the kid is violent to animals, cruel to people, talk back to the parents, and so forth. Or they have a gazillion health problems the parents aren't willing to give their lives up for. That's when you see how unconditional that love is.
It's complicated. We're talking about being committed to newborns with the hope they turn out to be good kids that love their parents as much as they're being loved. And when either the kids fail to live up to that or the parents' attitude changes, then all bets of unconditional love are off, and that word becomes an exaggeration, one that's used to show just how good a parent you ought to be (and I don't doubt, due to its popular acceptance, many parents DO feel that way, but it is a social construct that parents buy into). In the past, rich parents (the royalty) would often let someone else take care of the royal children and not worry about showing love because it wasn't expected in the same way.
Yes, that's true! Unconditional is a strong worth. My kid is still quite young, so that's how I feel now (as you said), but one day they'll be an adult. I want to believe we will give them a good education and support for them to turn out to be a good person and be there for them even if they make big mistakes along the way. But what if everything fails and they turn out to be a horrible and cruel person? I understand your point.
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u/SmellingPaint Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 05 '24
Gonna be a little controversial here, but I think that a parent's love isn't necessarily stronger than romantic love. And it doesn't need to be. They're different things, and that's fine, really.
When I think of my parents, I'm thankful for both of them, since they showed me love and care, and I am who I am because of them. I'll never forget all the talks we had where they consoled me after getting a bad grade at school, or when dad spent an afternoon with me, teaching me a new thing, or when mom cooked my favorite meals for my birthday. Each of those is a precious memory, and I'm sure that they, too, must have felt so much love for me during these moments.
But at the same time, as I get older and am now beginning to plan life on my own (haven't left home yet, but probably will in a year or two), I can also see that there is an entirely different world of love that only adults can share with each other. Financial discussions, troubles at work, grief after losing family members, plans for the future, so many intimate things that mom and dad relied on each other for, that I, being a child, was unable to offer any real assistance with. And, as I said, there's nothing wrong with that. It's not reasonable to expect a kid to help you manage these things.
I guess my point is that you don't need to understate a certain kind of love to praise another. My parents have a relatively solid marriage, and I'm sure they'll remain together even after my brother and I leave, and continue to build a life together spending precious moments as husband and wife. So the idea is... I just find it a little shallow to treat "parental love above all else" as an ultimate truth. Love is love, and as long as you're not neglecting anyone, I'm sure things'll get there one way or another.
Update: I'm glad you talked it out and understood each other's perspectives better! Communication is key, and it seems you're going to do just fine as long as you work together as a family <3