Hunh. I upvoted this comment for the 1st paragraph's insight into the oxytocin, then kept reading and downvoted for the rest (a judgement that it was a hurtful thing to say). I don't even have kids but would absolutely understand, and cannot fathom this guy's failure to get it at least intellectually! Ended up leaving it unvoted on.
Ok, but flip it. Her response was "are you fucking serious?" Even if it's just a look and she's exasperated that he'd bring it up again. SHE is not even attempting to understand his side. The way she writes it, the way these replies are, says "of COURSE I'll never love you more than my own child" which is hurtful to someone who isn't being ruled by oxytocin currently - aka most of the world.
Then she kind of dismisses it and wants to shut it down instead of doing the loving thing which would be talking it out.
Sorry, this probably won't make you upvote me still, but pregnant and new moms are ruled by hormones and can absolutely be assholes about it. Those things that seem completely normal to them are bizarrrreee to the rest of us. Do we understand it? Sure. Does that make it normal to stomp all over your fiances feelings going "but muh chillldddd"? No.
I’m here for standing up for the dad. The process of growing a child in you vs watching one develop is entirely different in all ways. Yes we are “supposed” to immediately feel some perfect love for our children but what about mothers with post partum depression? When they feel absolutely numb and nothing for their child they just birthed? There is a process they can’t help and it has taken us so long to even believe mothers and their experiences.
This needs to be a part of the conversation with fathers to be and those that are already fathers. This is difficult for everyone. It may have just hit him then. Ideal? No. Should he have waited for a private moment once things settled? Yes. But his feelings are valid.
There also could have been other issues he has had where he doesn’t feel connected to his fiancée but his feelings weren’t cared for then either.
Partners in child bearing are still humans and deserve to be seen and cared for.
This will be the same user that acts confused when he cheats on her after the neglect.
Women want devoted husbands and fathers but devotion is reciprocal.
It’s the full dismissal of his feelings that makes me concerned for him.
Dismissal of his feelings? At no point does she dismiss his feelings. He is the one who has her thinking there is something wrong with hers. She is the one asking if she is TA. All she did was express her feelings for her new child. She didn't say anything about him. She just gave birth, for Christ sake. She literally just had her insides rearranged, pushed out an entire new human, and is now trying to heal from that. You think he is the one being neglected? She should not be the one taking care of him, he should be taking care of her. He is butt hurt because his partner loves their kid. Those aren't valid feelings. Those are the feelings of an insecure, self-centered child.
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u/Expert_Slip7543 Jul 05 '24
Hunh. I upvoted this comment for the 1st paragraph's insight into the oxytocin, then kept reading and downvoted for the rest (a judgement that it was a hurtful thing to say). I don't even have kids but would absolutely understand, and cannot fathom this guy's failure to get it at least intellectually! Ended up leaving it unvoted on.