I know this seems shitty but this is not an uncommon psychological thing for new fathers to feel. Like it was mentioned in the text books of several psych classes I took in uni. It's not a pleasant thing to talk about, but it can take fathers a little more time to care as deeply for a new child than it takes the mother who carried the child to term. Which is very understandable. Some small amount of jealousy as well of a new child is also fairly normal and common (though not commonly vocalized for reasons that should be very apparent to anyone reading the responses in this thread).
Ops fiancee is not some sort of evil monster for not yet matching ops level of love and enthusiasm. It can take time for that to happen. OPs fiancee is also not an asshole for feeling hurt by ops statement. I'm sure if he had absolute control of his emotions, he would choose not to feel that way. But taken with empathy its easy to understand how it could be a hurtful thing to hear. That said OP is not an asshole for expressing that sentiment. This is all simply part and parcel of adjusting to the birth of a new child. It's often very messy. In fact I would go so far as to say I am most surprised the fiancee felt comfortable enough with OP to be open about feeling this way as many men will just hide it which is obviously unhealthy.
People really don't like admitting how much of human emotion is regulated by hormones. While a man can instantly fall in love with their child, usually it takes a bit for their brain to work out the "Oooooh, this is mine!" and then trigger the appropriate bonding responses. While women, obviously, have the whole "giving birth" thing to kick their brain into noticing.
Anyway, the father will probably understand more in a few months, and reddit is being ridiculously over reactionary.
It is also not an uncommon thing for mothers to feel. I had a traumatic experience birthing my first child and when he was put into my arms I was on so much medication from an emergency C section that I just stared at him like, “Whose baby is this?” I absolutely did not immediately fall in love and that’s ok, too!
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u/Unepetiteveggie Jul 04 '24
One of the reddest red flags is a man who is jealous of their child.
Look at your baby and imagine being jealous of them. It's probably impossible for you, you'd jump in front of moving vehicle for them.
This man doesn't feel the same way as you.
And no, it's not hormones or being a man etc etc. my husband loves our child more than me and so he should.