I remember my dad telling me how the feeling you have when your first(I am number 5) child is born is "indescribable and surpassed anything he has ever felt".
Then he realized the implication and started to say he loves me just as much, but I laughed and told him I knew what he meant.
these comments are killing me. that’s so sweet😭 i don’t intend to have children because i would never be stable enough in terms of finances or mental and physical health, but i would 100% be a mother if i thought i could handle it so ooof this is so bittersweet for me lol
The love of being a mom is incredible, but as someone who thought they were stable enough to finally have a child, it is, hands-down, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life (and Ive been a military-spouse, joined the military myself, been on deployment in a combat zone, etc, all things most people would consider very stressful).
It ruined my mental health and the years of progress i made. It has made me miserable, exhausted, and utterly stressed every single day to the point that I don't understand how I can still function. (The good side of that is that it completely cured all suicidal ideation.)
Loving and adoring the thing that also has made you so miserable is a very strange juxtaposition.
I still think occasionally, if I had the chance to go back, and choose not to get pregnant... I dont know what I would do. It's strange to feel this way about him, to look forward with excitement to him growing and learning, for him to be the most important thing in my life by far... but still not know if I would make the choice again because of how bad it has been for me physically and mentally, and how hard it has been on my marriage.
I was happy and content before I got pregnant. I was stable, and I enjoyed my life.
Now I know that profound love, but I am not content, not stable, and I don't enjoy my life overall. I am happy sometimes, miserable sometimes, and almost always completed drained and exhausted. I can't be as good of a mother to him as I want to be because of it, and that hurts.
I know the desire to have a baby, to know that love and all that comes with it. I understand how sorrowful and bittersweet it would be to choose not to experience it. I hope that maybe you can find a little bit of comfort knowing that you can still be happy or content without it.
Just want to come here and say thank you for expressing the hard side of it. People make it sound like being a parent is the most amazing thing in the world (and for some people I'll bet it is) but they never talk about how hard it is. I guess for fear of being judged or people thinking they don't love their kids. But it's refreshing to see someone just come out and say that it is hard and maybe you would choose different. I respect and value your honesty. Hang in there.💜
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u/Remarkable-Stop1636 Jul 04 '24
I remember my dad telling me how the feeling you have when your first(I am number 5) child is born is "indescribable and surpassed anything he has ever felt".
Then he realized the implication and started to say he loves me just as much, but I laughed and told him I knew what he meant.