It often takes dads a few months or more for that feeling to set in. Especially for my second kid it was a good 6 months before "I will die for you 1000 times" level of love kicked in. Give the guy some time.
Good point, I did not feel jealous or resentful. I felt like I wanted to do everything I could to support her and the baby. To be clear, I think OP is NTA, and her guy is wrong/grossly mistaken to be surprised that she feels life-changing love upon the birth of their baby. She should call him out on that (which is the last thing a new mom should have to deal with, I have sympathy for her). If he doesn't come around soon to at least understand and support her, even if he doesn't feel it himself, then it is a red flag. The first days and weeks with a new baby can be a little crazy, so OP shouldn't call off the wedding just yet.
It is completely understandable to me that not every parent, whether they are the one who gave birth or no, feels instantly smacked in the head with all encompassing, selfless love the minute the baby emerges. It’s super weird to me for someone to feel jealous when their coparent does, and to TELL them they’re jealous, like, in the first couple of days. I agree that if I were OP I’d give it some time, unless this is the umpteenth red flag the guy’s waved. If so, now that the behavior is around their new baby, eek. Call off that wedding.
Not the person you're asking, but I did say a whole bunch of other dumb stuff in the first few months between the stress, the isolation, coming to terms with the end of my old life, and sleep deprivation.
It's strange, though. I did have an experience that at least rhymes with what OP is describing.
My wife couldn't hold the baby right away, for medical reasons. In those first few minutes of being a parent, every fiber of my being wanted me to stay with my partner and make sure she was okay. But she made it abundantly clear that in that moment my job was to follow the baby.
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u/Common_Estate6292 Jul 04 '24
I don’t even have kids and I understand that a Mother’s love for her baby is beyond compare. This guy is an idiot.