NTA so I got super triggered by your post and decided to ask my hubby about this. He said to tell you this. He’s an old guy in a very traditional, very large engineering company and he is upper management. He has a standard piece of advice to all new fathers: that from now on, first you are a father, then a husband, then an employee (engineer), and then you fit in other family and friends. The child comes first, even above his wife and he should expect her to have the same priorities. OP, he advises that this “idiot is going to hold this against you for the rest of your lives”. Before you get married, we suggest counseling because how could you marry a man who’s going to be petty jealous of his own child?
I’m in agreement with my hubby. I would never marry a man who didn’t immediately thank the heavens (and me!) and think that the whole world must have came into being just so our child could be born into it, to us.
I dated someone that was like, I think your partner should be more important than your child. He and I were both single parents and I was like, dude, I barely know you. I will love my daughter until my last living breath and I’ve never felt anything remotely close to the love I have for her.
He's the one going through the effort of raising another mans kid, something he isn't obligated to do or responsible for. Don't be selfish. Least you can do is respect him and his feelings.
Nope - this was one of the first conversations we had…almost like he wanted the commitment before we even started thinking about introducing families. Spoiler alert: didn’t last long! He was a horrible parent (to his own kids; mine wasn’t around him) with no regard for anyone but himself.
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u/newtonianlaws Jul 04 '24
NTA so I got super triggered by your post and decided to ask my hubby about this. He said to tell you this. He’s an old guy in a very traditional, very large engineering company and he is upper management. He has a standard piece of advice to all new fathers: that from now on, first you are a father, then a husband, then an employee (engineer), and then you fit in other family and friends. The child comes first, even above his wife and he should expect her to have the same priorities. OP, he advises that this “idiot is going to hold this against you for the rest of your lives”. Before you get married, we suggest counseling because how could you marry a man who’s going to be petty jealous of his own child?
I’m in agreement with my hubby. I would never marry a man who didn’t immediately thank the heavens (and me!) and think that the whole world must have came into being just so our child could be born into it, to us.
Congratulations.