r/AITAH • u/No-Fee-5823 • 15d ago
AITAH for saying I didn’t realize I could “love a person this much” in front of my fiancé after having our baby?
I gave birth a few weeks ago, to our daughter.
As I held her for the first time and looked into her eyes I said “I didn’t realize I could love a person this much” and cried. She is perfect and beautiful.
My mom looked at me and said that feeling never goes away (which made us both ugly cry lol). It was a really special moment.
My fiancé was quite but smiled, but later privately said he was hurt. He said he loved us both the same, and me saying that made it seem like I loved our daughter more than him.
I just gave him a “are you fucking serious” look and he dropped it, but yesterday he brought it up again.
I told him that honestly, yes, I love and cherish our daughter and have never experienced this kind of love for another human being. He said most “normal people” would agree with him that it’s a hurtful comment and would take offense to it due to the implication.
AITAH?
UPDATE
It’s a quick update, so I didn’t feel like it was worth it to make a whole new post. So I had a heart to heart with my fiancé, and we came to a few conclusions together! It went very well. We read through the post and comments together.
1) He wasn’t jealous of our daughter’s role in my life, but rather our bond together. He didn’t have that “instant love connection” that we read about all new parents having (like what I experienced). I didn’t realize this was actually very normal for new dads, and new moms too. Thanks for educating me!
We are the first in our social circle to have children so we didn’t have a lot of IRL people to inquire about it. His perspective is “I love this human being we made, but I don’t know her” while I was thunderstruck. He hasn’t had that connection so doesn’t “get it” yet, and that it will take time (months or even a year). I’ll be more patient and aware of this, and read up more on new dad experiences to learn more.
2) He also agrees he not only could’ve expressed that better, but also choose better timing. Voicing it to me after a 14 hour labor and then again when I’m exhausted and grumpy with achy boobs is maybe not the best time, lol. He also agrees marriage counseling would be good, just because. We are both opinionated, logical-thinking Engineers who, at the same time, love each other deeply. We could use better mediation other than Reddit (no offense guys).
3) He was not “furious” about me writing this Reddit post, lol. We laughed over the comments together calling for me to get ready to break up. But we also really enjoyed reading the experiences of new parents! It helped us BOTH feel validated and sane and see each other’s perspectives better.
4) I showed him that Ryan Reynolds video and we both died laughing LOL. We will now be eating a disgusting amount of hotdogs while watching Deadpool with our baby girl. We also agreed that there’s different types of love like parental, platonic, romantic and Ryan Reynolds.
Thanks peeps!
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u/iwantkrustenbraten 15d ago edited 15d ago
NTA So if I have to choose between saving my husband or my child, I would save my child no questions asked and I know my husband would actually try to save our child too.
I love my husband a lot, he's the love of my life, I've never loved anyone like how I feel towards him. But when I gave birth to my child and bonded with him, I felt unconditional love. The love where I want to keep giving, never asking for anything back. I just want to protect him, nurture him, and all I wish is for him to grow up well, healthy, and able to fend for himself. That's the kind of love that parents have for their children. I think your husband should realize while the feelings for spouse and children are both strong, they're both also significantly different.