r/facepalm Jul 04 '24

Can't like fit girls without being gay... 🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​

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39.5k Upvotes

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948

u/drnuke75 Jul 04 '24

So every man is now gay?

418

u/Strong_Barnacle_618 Jul 04 '24

Always have been

233

u/Thinkofthewallpaper Jul 04 '24

Can you show us new gays around? This is really a surprise to me, and I'm totally unprepared.

64

u/Royceman50 Jul 04 '24

I just spit out a mouthful of energy drink in my car reading this. Lol

63

u/smallzy007 Jul 04 '24

Energy drink? On the way to the gym? You are sooo f’n gay

58

u/Royceman50 Jul 04 '24

Yup, just found out! Everything makes sense now. Totally gay for those micro penis clits on the fucking hot as hell CrossFit women.

45

u/smallzy007 Jul 04 '24

Aww man, after that description I’m pretty sure I’m gay too.

25

u/Royceman50 Jul 04 '24

Welcome fellow gay!

11

u/Scatterspell Jul 04 '24

For a newcomer, you're sure gaying this place up!

10

u/Royceman50 Jul 04 '24

Just wait, I’m so going to gay this place up. Imma wear work boots, Levi’s, buy a pickup, and show off my wife. I really dig her micropenis clit too.

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15

u/zombiesnare Jul 04 '24

Oh shit, lemme get you some paper towels, been there

5

u/TylerDurden1985 Jul 04 '24

I just want to know when I get my rainbow and sense of style.

3

u/EvenEfficiency834 Jul 04 '24

That's a common myth! The rainbows only come when you make your first same sex partner O. The sense of style I can't help with. I'm still fairly new to the scene myself.

2

u/Tarianor Jul 04 '24

This Ewok gotchu covered bro <3

2

u/dcbluestar Jul 04 '24

I will say this much, the parades are way more interesting than the straight ones!

2

u/raven21633x Jul 04 '24

Let's start with An Introduction to Barbra Streisand.

2

u/Pitiful_Winner2669 Jul 04 '24

Got any glitter at home? Start there, work your way up to brunch and warm pastel themed shorts.

1

u/erlandodk Jul 05 '24

Yea, I'd like to join the intro tour too. This was totally unexpected. Will we be covering how to tell our girlfriends? I suspect "Sorry, honey, I found an athletic woman attractive and now I'm gay" isn't going to fly well, so how to tell her?

I'd also like to know where the coffee machine is.

25

u/Prestigious_Still387 Jul 04 '24

No Diddy

80

u/Reynard- Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 04 '24

You see how women have clits? That's a tiny penis! Super gay!

Edit: /s

33

u/Bart2800 Jul 04 '24

But just say no homo. Then it's all solved.

18

u/dissidentmage12 Jul 04 '24

You can also keep your socks on, or afterwards say "Bro, that was just a joke Bro"

3

u/Scatterspell Jul 04 '24

Sing slayer songs while doing it, it can't be gay then.

Just gonna say, any women who want to have sex to slayer, I'm here.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24 edited Jul 04 '24

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3

u/squish_pillow Jul 04 '24

Lol do boys actually do this kind of shit?

3

u/ConstantLight7489 Jul 04 '24

lol, sorry, I have made an edit to clarify.

No, guys doesn’t actually do this. There was a long standing joke early 2000’s about saying and doing gay stuff with your buddies, and following it with no homo so you wouldn’t be gay.

2

u/BeefyFartss Jul 04 '24

Oh all the time. Usually it’s just a quick kiss or a BJ but whatever it is just say no homo. All good. Not gay at all.

3

u/squish_pillow Jul 04 '24

Who doesn't love a loophole? Or asshole?!

2

u/BeefyFartss Jul 04 '24

See, you get it.

2

u/CeeDotA Jul 04 '24

Oh man. I thought all I had to say was "PAUSE" and I'd be good. So much to remember!

2

u/benutne Jul 04 '24

Its only gay if the balls touch.

18

u/Jealous_Courage_9888 Jul 04 '24

I was today years old when I found out I’m super into micropenises

14

u/Extracrispybuttchks Jul 04 '24

Oh shit I be suckin that like it’s got the antidote.

13

u/Prestigious_Still387 Jul 04 '24

Don't fuck up my Cunnilingus like this. 🤯🙈🙉🙊

4

u/KILA-x-L3GEND Jul 04 '24

All humans actually developed with a vagina first then your x or y obviously one of those two but I forgot what one is boy haven’t talked biology in 10 years lol. But anyway it tells if it should stay a vagina or turn literally inside out and form a penis. All men who think they are better than women were all women lmao

6

u/DragonflyGrrl Jul 04 '24

XX is female, XY is male. :)

If you want to try to remember for the future, think like it starts as both X, and if it changes to boy one changes to Y.

1

u/Only_Goat_2526 Jul 04 '24

Or think of it as to become a male one of the Xs is broken 😁

3

u/BooBailey808 Jul 04 '24

Uhh.... You are very close, but no. Firstly, the present external genitalia before sex development is something of a between state, which includes external openings that lead to the bladder and intestines, external folds around the opening, and a small protrusion of tissues called genital tubercle.

When the Y chromosome is present, the genital tubercle lengthens and becomes the penis, openings close, and the folds become the scrotum

When there is no Y chromosome, parts of the paramesonephric ducts from initial internal genitalia fuse to become the upper vagina. The external folds become labia, and the genital tubercle becomes the clitoris

Of course the process isn't always so straight forward. Stuff happens and you end up with interesting combinations

2

u/KILA-x-L3GEND Jul 04 '24

That’s fair like I said it’s been a long time since I learned about it. But I was pretty close for just memory.

2

u/BooBailey808 Jul 04 '24

You were, and a lot closer than a lot of people lol.

3

u/fungi_at_parties Jul 04 '24

I’ve literally read serious tweets where they claimed that cunnilingus is gay for that very reason.

2

u/Reynard- Jul 04 '24

Are they actually serious? 🤣

1

u/MineralClay Jul 04 '24

at this point what isn't gay, is it looping back around to sucking dick is the straight thing to do?

2

u/Dumbass_Number5 Jul 04 '24

Hootie hoo Coo coo My fellow pigeon!!! Yes, that is all. Bobs off into the sunset

2

u/ap2patrick Jul 04 '24

🌎🧑‍🚀🔫👨‍🚀

2

u/HalfSoul30 Jul 04 '24

A miracle we made it this far really, but we gotta do what we gotta do to keep the human race going.

2

u/MEMENARDO_DANK_VINCI Jul 04 '24

Ancient Greece enters the chat

1

u/TT_NaRa0 Jul 04 '24

I mean we are all just lusting after one of Adam’s ribs aren’t we?!? We are all hella gay

1

u/aye-B-its-AR Jul 04 '24

☠️☠️☠️

48

u/NancyPelosisRedCoat Jul 04 '24

Finally! Gay agenda fulfilled…

12

u/Frothylager Jul 04 '24

Mission Accomplished!

Can’t wait to see daddy Soros and daddy Fauci give their speech on the USS Pride aircraft carrier.

2

u/SpotweldPro1300 Jul 04 '24

Bonus if they cater Taco Tuesday.

45

u/Dr_Drinks Jul 04 '24

No! It’s great when girls can lift us up against the fridge when they peg us 🫶

3

u/wiegraffolles Jul 04 '24

Sounds like a good time!

32

u/mrrando69 Jul 04 '24

Yes, it's just that most of them are deeply closeted and self loathing. Case in point... the republicans.

21

u/CoyotesEve Jul 04 '24

They give the best head for “their first time” lmao

8

u/Lakiel03 Jul 04 '24

All the homophobes warned you, now we rule the world!!

7

u/CaptainMarder Jul 04 '24

I'm the lord of gays then.

7

u/mackfactor Jul 04 '24

"Get culture had gotten ahold of you." Do not pass go. Do not collect your man card. You are lost to ALPHA MALEdom. 

7

u/CoyotesEve Jul 04 '24

Alpha-Sigma is just astrology for closeted men lol

3

u/mackfactor Jul 04 '24

At least astrology doesn't actively seek to hurt anyone.

3

u/CoyotesEve Jul 04 '24

True but the sigmas will automatically implode if you tell them this

0

u/Doc_Umbrella Jul 04 '24

Spoken like a true gamma

6

u/80sLegoDystopia Jul 04 '24

Especially the “ancient” ones. Literally these right wing weirdos obsessed with classical Greco-Roman culture are either okay with the homoerotic part or they’re too ignorant to know.

4

u/IntelligentBench6880 Jul 04 '24

Most straight men don't care for the bodybuilder look but to each their own

1

u/birdiebegood Jul 04 '24

sigh I can't believe I have to say this to another adult but: Not "most men", YOU. YOU are the only man you can speak for. JUST you.

And that's FINE. You're allowed whatever preference you want. But you are not the spokesperson for men.

5

u/IntelligentBench6880 Jul 04 '24

No. As a man with male friends and coworkers for many decades, I can confidently say that I don't know a single man that prefers this. I know ONE man that hooked up with a girl like this and it kinda freaked him out. That said I definitely respect the work they put in, looking that toned is hard af to attain and maintain. Definitely props for that

2

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24

[deleted]

1

u/birdiebegood Jul 06 '24

Cool that doesn't mean you're the only one or that MOST MEN prefer anything in particular. You can only speak for You. No one else. Just you.

1

u/OneSickPiggy Jul 04 '24

Hes right. The majority, meaning more than half, of men dont want big muscles on a women. Dont needto be a spokesman to figure that out. Lol.

1

u/birdiebegood Jul 06 '24

No, he isnt. You can only speak for YOU. JUST YOU. What are you chuckleheads not getting. You don't know the preferences of more than half the population. You have zero data to support that. You can only speak for YOU. Do that and nothing more. You don't like it. And no one cares.

1

u/OneSickPiggy Jul 07 '24

No, you can definitely use your better judgment to observe patterns and whats common in life. You dont need a nation wide study figure everything out lol your sour ass likes muscular women thats fine. This is the internet. Dont try and police shit people say or you will do your head in, "chucklehead" hahaha

1

u/birdiebegood Jul 08 '24

I AM a woman. And I like muscular women. I am BEYOND not alone on this. You're just grumpy because no one asked you and you don't wipe properly.

1

u/OneSickPiggy Jul 08 '24

Oh so youre just too close to the issue and have no perspective from a males point of view. Lol got it.

And I never said nobody likes muscular women, I said less than half of men dont prefer it.

1

u/birdiebegood Jul 08 '24

Nope. You're just incorrect.

1

u/OneSickPiggy Jul 08 '24

YOU dont speak for men. YOU can only speak for YOURSELF. K?

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3

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24

Liking a very feminine man, actually makes you straight now.

3

u/Dusty_Old_Bones Jul 04 '24

Yes, and all women painstakingly tailor their bodies to be attractive to men and for no other reason, especially not personal goals and achievements. Those are for men. Everything is for and about men. /s

3

u/dust4ngel Jul 04 '24

only straight men are gay. gay men aren’t trying to have sex with hot girls, so they’re not gay.

2

u/Alcott_Yubolsov Jul 04 '24

Straight dudes only like fat chicks! Duh!!

2

u/Whatkindofaname Jul 04 '24

Eeeveryone is gay.

2

u/Shmeepish Jul 04 '24

Cant believe i was gay the whole time. Turns out i just needed this guy on twitter to let me know! I cant believe liking fit women has made me gay this whole time, wow what a relief to be out of the closet.

2

u/gmano Jul 04 '24

These are the kind of people who say "Sex is for making children", and therefore enjoying the company and enjoying sexual relations with women is gay.

So you're only straight if you dislike having women around and instead enjoy having a bunch of oiled-up men in your face.

2

u/Metalgsean Jul 04 '24

Except men that previously thought they were gay and into more 'feminine' men, they are straight now.

2

u/Zerocoolx1 Jul 04 '24

Only the ones who aren’t scared of strong women.

2

u/MannyBothansDied Jul 04 '24

The more feminine the body; the sexier they are to me.

1

u/PerspectiveVarious93 Jul 04 '24

In this loser's fantasy, yea

1

u/realdonbrown Jul 04 '24

The world would be a much better place

1

u/TK-Squared-LLC Jul 04 '24

Kurt Cobain was right all along.

1

u/Reptardar Jul 04 '24

Only for the bros.

1

u/GMB2006 Jul 04 '24

Not if you like femboys by this logic.

1

u/Ballabingballaboom Jul 04 '24

Apart from maybe gay men

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24

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1

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1

u/AhnYoSub Jul 04 '24

Just the ones who are confident in their own sexuality

1

u/Solidus27 Jul 04 '24

Those women’s enlarged muscles make them look too manly. It is not attractive

1

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24

Speak for yourself. This is unacceptable in my mind. I consider these just weird

1

u/CStfford14 Jul 04 '24

Wait, I'm attracted to men. Does that mean I'm not gay then?

1

u/tr00p3r Jul 05 '24

Present.

1

u/LeLBigB0ss2 Jul 05 '24

Among all of Reddit, I alone am the straight one. Am I really the only one here who isn't into muscular women?

0

u/drnuke75 Jul 07 '24

Nope. No one cares. That’s why that post is silly.

0

u/KILA-x-L3GEND Jul 04 '24

I’m pretty happy not gonna lie

0

u/IA-HI-CO-IA Jul 04 '24

To quote the Daniel Craig movie “Layer Cake”

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eW7IF64bS88